http://www.bynkii.com/archives/2005/07/blame_nslog_for.html When I say it here, in reference to thebelow incident, I mean that for probably the longest 45 seconds of my life,I truly believed that I was about to check out.I was at *funeral* of all places, sitting in the corner with the morbidpeople, drinking some water.... I mean, for ten secondsor so, (estimation, I really wasn't timing it.), it was like I no longer hadlungs, and my trachea just *ended* in a block of glass.(interlude3: suffocation is a GREAT way to realize just HOW long a secondtakes to pass...hint: it's a LONG time)I would have panicked, but I was rather busy suffocating.... It's not supposed to EVER do that.ESPECIALLY not on me.)So, I figure, I need a lot of air going out of me NOW so I can get some backin me...because I'm not liking the fuzziness in the vision, or the feelingof the base of my brain screaming "BREATHE YOU STUPID FUCK! I NEED *OXYGEN*,AND *NOW* WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT TIME TO GET SOME!"So I commence to trying to burp, vomit AND cough at the same time.Fortunately, (or unfortunately depending on your personal opinion of me.),this works enough to get usable amounts of air back into my lungs so I cancough effectively.(Interlude5: Yes, I AM familiar with how to self-Heimlich. However, it's aparking lot at a funeral home...the only things that would have worked werethe parking bumps, and had I not gotten my air, I would have been doing atleast ONE impact with those.)So now, my throat feels like I've been gargling with broken glass, but thefeeling of air in my lungs is, for a few seconds, better than all thesex...hell, better than EVERY other good feeling I have ever had...COMBINED.It's amazing how good something like NOT DYING can feel. People are a littleFREAKED OUT, because there's only supposed to be one corpse per funeral, andyou aren't supposed to make more on the spot.(Interlude6: Wendy's Frosties are quite soothing to a racked throat.)I had two thoughts during the process...1) DON'T FUCKING DIE DUE TO DROWNING IN A PARKING LOT. Being fodder for thenext two months of morning show jokes about "what kind of dumbass can't worka glass of water"2) What kind of attention whore prima donna dies at someone else's funeral?"John, It's not about YOU, it's SOMEONE ELSE'S DAY" Yes, this was runningthrough the back of my head, along with "Well, my funeral will be cheap,Mike and I got along really well, just throw me in the box next to him, Ialready have the suit."Lemme tell you, legitimately thinking "Oh fuck, I'm going todie...here...now" is beyond creepy.... (Andthis is the most sincere thing anyone will ever hear me say,) I never wantto go through that again.I think once I get moved, and stop shaking about this as much, I'm going toget very, very, very, drunk.johnp.s. en-us http://christmas-light.abosearch.com christmas light