April 29, 2011
"Okay, who let the nigger sit in the bossman's chair?"
seriously people, this is not that hard to figure out.| Comments ()
April 28, 2011
Are you all that naive?
Did you really think that the birther morons would look at the President's Long Form Birth Certificate, the very thing they've been asking for, the only thing they'll believe, and say "Well. Whaddya know? He was born in the US. Our bad. Sorry."? Did you somehow think they wouldn't instantly move the goalposts?
If you thought that, well...shit, I guess we should have that talk about Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny too, huh.
Do not ever, ever think logic, and facts will convince anyone with a deep belief in their cause that they are mistaken. It won't, and, there are numerous studies that show the presentation of empirical countering facts will actually make someone more fervent in their delusions. This is why confronting morons with facts is a waste of time. Remember this the next time you think "Well, if you just show someone proof...". You, dear child, are a logical, reasoning sort.
These fuckers are fire ants living in soil soaked in tequila and angel dust.
You don't reason with them, you step on them and keep moving.| Comments ()
April 27, 2011
Welcome new followers
I see you've decided to follow me on twitter. First, welcome, and thanks. Unless you're a spammer. Then I say "Go stick your head in a shark's mouth, you annoying tit!"
Since you may not know me personally, or via other channels, I feel it is only fair that I provide you with a guide, so you know what to expect as a follower of mine.
- You know all those cute, well-meaning guidelines to "Twittequette"? The ones with helpful hints so you just rock on Twitter? I break pretty much every rule, guideline and suggestion they have. I often go out of my way to do so. Give me a page like this one, and I'll go our of my way to break every single "rule" contained therein. My only "rule" for Twitter is do what you wish, and have fun. The rest is alll bullshit.
- I use profanity. A lot of it. In fact, you probably have to follow porn stars to get more NSFW than me. I don't mean the cool ones that talk about hockey, horses, dogs, and yoga, but the ones where every tweet is about their next movie, or who they banged. I wallow in profanity. I swim in that shit. I love it, and if you try to complain about it, I'll call you things that your gym teacher, drill sergeant and local hobo union couldn't come up with if they worked together for a month with a fresh batch of sterno. I'll make you go to church in fear for your soul, should you annoy me sufficiently. Also, I don't care if you get in trouble at work for following me. I'm not making you do that, not my farm, not my pig.
- I'm verbose. If I need to string something across 30 tweets, I will. I use tweetie, I stage that shit, and then commence to clicking post like it was a cure for cancer. I've been on twitter since 2007 or so, and have over 40,000 posts. You do the math. I will, at some point, own your twitter stream, and I won't feel bad about it.
- If you feel the need to not follow me, you don't need to tell me. I'm a big boy, I wear my big-boy pants every day. I don't check who unfollows me, I don't really care that much. I assume you have a valid reason, for you at least, to stop following me. You don't need to justify your decisions to me. I assume they're based on a reasonably logical thought process. Don't ruin that for me.
- I may follow you back. I may not. If you bother me about it, I'll just torment you as the weak-willed prat you are.
- I am a father. Please, don't assume I think all children our precious, our future, or our best hope. I know too many teenagers to think they're more than just barely smart enough to not soil themselves. Most children should be left on hillsides for wolves. Along with their parents.
- I am not in fact, a niiiiiice person. I can be nice to people who return the favor, and have something about them I like. Or just aren't fucking stupid. How I treat you depends on you.
- I snarl and am mean. My wife however, is actually evil. If you get on her bad side, well, padded rooms are kind of nice, right?
- I have opinions. Of course they are strong. Why the fuck would I have weak ones? I don't care that I don't present all sides to the story. Sometimes, the other side is stupid. Water is wet. Exactly what the fuck is a legitimate opposing argument to water being wet? Right. There may be another side to the story. Doesn't mean I care about it, especially since I disagree with it.
- I wish the illuminati were real. Having that kind of competency in charge would give me great hope.
- Your relationship with $DEITY is your business. As is my relationship with $DEITY. Or lack thereof. But, I do think religion is stupid. Actually, groups are stupid. People can be awesome, groups are stupid.
- I try to incorporate facts into my opinions. If you want to change my opinion, give me better facts.
- If I say that something you said is "Fucking stupid", before you get all whiny, consider the possibility that I may be right. Do you want to not listen to the guy telling you about that meter-long toilet paper tail you're sporting? Okay. When people tell you you're fucking stupid, I'm not saying blindly agree with them, just leave open the option that they're right, and you're as thick as a whale omelette.
- I have a full-time job, and write for a number of outlets. They all know what I am like. They still work with me. So telling me I may be "jeopardizing my job" with my twitter stream will only get you mocked.
- My friends tend to be like me. Keep that in mind. We also like ganging up on the weak and stupid. It's pack behavior, and it's kind of fun.
In other words, be cool, be yourself, and if possible, combine the two. That would be awesome. But if you can't, remember that everyone gets to use Twitter their own way, even me. Don't fuck with me, I won't internet fist-fuck you in the eye.| Comments ()
April 25, 2011
Gotta Kinda disagree with ya Andy
Well, with Gruber as well. First, go read Andy's review of the Blackberry Playbook and the LG G-Slate. Andy is one of the best writers going today, period. Not just "in the tech pundit world". It's typical Andy, scrupulously fair, balanced, detailed, yet readable by normal humans. Now, go read Gruber's take on Andy's article. John is an excellent writer, and in time, he'll be Andy-Excellent.
The thing is I disagree with both of their arguments with regard to Flash. Andy writes:
But I think Apple’s completely wrong about Flash. I’ve been watching Conan and Colbert all week long on the PlayBook and the G-Slate; Flash video works perfectly fine. The framerate could be described as “slideshow-esque” until the local buffer fills up, but after no more than thirty seconds, I’m watching an hour of smooth, sound-synced video.
What does Flash video playback do to the battery? It drains down about as much as you’d expect when you play streamed, compressed video for an hour. On both devices, I can watch a couple of hours of video and still have most of the charge left.
Is the Flash plugin stable? Why, my friends, it’s just as stable as the desktop Flash player.
(Yes, thank you; I thought we’d all enjoy a good laugh together. Sorry if you were drinking something when you read that.)
The plugin does crash the mobile browser sometimes. But it rarely happens in the middle of playback and it doesn’t happen frequently enough for any regular desktop Flash user to raise an eyebrow. Hell, I’ve had to restart my desktop browser just while writing this very column.
Yup, Mobile Flash is imperfect. Gaming in particular is a real problem: Adobe hasn’t figured out how to translate the ubiquitous “a mouse pointer is hovering over something but isn’t clicking it” user-interface to a touchscreen device.
But Flash video plays a damned-sight better on the PlayBook and the G-Slate than it does on the iPad. It’s as simple as this: I can watch last night’s “Conan” and “The Colbert Report” and last week’s “The Amazing Race” on these tablets without any problems. On the iPad, I can’t. I like those shows. I therefore see this as a drawback of my iPad.
This article appeared on 22 April, 2011. Allowing for lead time, we'll say Andy probably wrote it 4-5 days earlier. (That's a guess btw, I don't actually know. But I"m probably not too far off.) So saying he started writing it after the 12th of April wouldn't be complete idiocy. That date's important, because exactly one year earlier, Adobe released Flash 10.1. You remember that version? Would bring the full, uncompromised Flash experience to mobiles? Yeah, that one.
Yet, it is not until the 19th of April 2011 that the Playbook is released. It is not until late March of 2011 that the G-Slate is released, and they aren't running Flash 10.1, they are running Flash 10.2. It's taken a year, a major revision of Flash, and in the case of the playbook, two years of dedicated work by Adobe to get this working right. That means they started work on that plugin in two-thousand-bloody-nine That doesn't sound like a plugin you can just add into your shipping OS build and be done with it, that sounds like an extremely finicky bit of work that will have to be hand-tuned for every device and OS version on said device if you want it to work right. Keep in mind the iPhone came out in 2007, during the halcyon days of Flash 8 and 9. So here we are, in 2011.
A year and a version after the release of the version Adobe announced would be the version that would work so well on mobiles, that you'd not notice a difference. Note, it still isn't seamless, because if you have actual interactive Flash elements, well, those have to be recoded for touch interfaces. So as long as you define Flash as "Watching video and maybe something else, but not too often yet", then Flash performs as good or bad as it does on the desktop. In Flash 10.2. Released almost a year after the version that Adobe swore would really be the version that would work seamlessly with mobiles, no speed or battery issues. Honest. No foolin'. Okay, sorry, we meant 10.2. See, on two devices, it works right. Oh, and most interactive content won't work right until it's recoded for your device.
I am shocked, shocked that Apple hasn't run over a fucking moose to put that code on iOS devices. Andy, I love you, but seriously man, you're actually surprised that Apple isn't yet supporting Flash? After all, it only took until 2011 for a version that we can verify plays video correctly. Can't imagine why they wouldn't have included it prior to now.
(We'll leave the rampant, continuous XP-level security problems with Flash for another time. But yeah, that's a problem too.)
However, I also disagree with Gruber. He writes:
But down this path, we’d never get rid of Flash. The baseline experience for online video would forever remain crashy, lesser-quality, less-power-efficient, insecure, and in the total control of a single company — Adobe — that has shown itself to be incapable of addressing any of these problems.
He's making the same mistake Adobe does, for different reasons. Flash is not just video. It is, when properly used, (and spare me the crying about that. I can point at just as many shitacularly coded HTML5 sites as you can Flash sites. Someone unable to use a technology correctly doesn't make it a bad technology. I just makes them bad implementors of said tech), a fantastic way to create interactive websites that will run in a reasonably reliable, predictable way. I have seen Flash-based sites that the Flash team should be very proud of. They aren't just playing video. Gruber, along with the Dowdellians, is taking an amazingly rich, powerful toolset and reducing it to nothing more than a way to cut a hole in a web page and play a file.
That's stupid. But that's what he's doing there, and that's what the Flash team is doing as well, and both are wrong. I think, I firmly believe, based on evidence, that the days of needing a plugin to play video are going away. Period. Plan for it. Dunno exactly when, but it's happening. For either side to keep treating Flash like it's naught but Quicktime Player, (the non-pro sucky version) is to show the major problem Flash really has:
Few people understand just what you can do with it.
So yeah. I don't think Apple's wrong for excluding Flash up 'til now, although i do hope they regularly revisit that solution, and as soon as including flash becomes painless, or relatively so from an installation and security standpoint, they change their stance to reflect the revised data. And, I think that both the Dowdellians and the Gruberites need to stop defining Flash as naught but a way to play video.| Comments ()
April 11, 2011
Fuck Apple DTS. Fuck them right in the ear
So recently, I'd been having some issues with imagewells in AppleScriptObjC. It looked like I'd hit an impasse, and so, because hey, I fucking pay for them I figured, try DTS. I included code samples, all the shit you're supposed to do. No crash logs, shit wasn't crashing, it just wasn't working right, and no one on the ASOC list was able to come up with a solution. (I eventually realized, with some help from a friend, that I could solve it with bindings).
Now, let's be clear. I knew, from past experience, that I had less chance of getting anything useful out of DTS than I did of winning Powerball without buying a ticket. Apple DTS has always, always, always treated anything involving AppleScript worse than the Acrobat team has treated their Mac customers. I'm not exaggerating, if you're even close to AppleScript, DTS is as useful as tits on a fly.
As expected, I get the usual blowoff email. But there's one part in there that makes the top of my fucking head come off:
Thank you for contacting Apple Developer Technical Support (DTS). At this time DTS does not provide code-level support for AppleScript. We recommend the following site for more relevant information regarding this technology:
AppleScript mailing list:
I pay the same money as anyone else in the Mac Dev program. I use Xcode 4, and shit like CoreWLAN, NSTimer, NSString, NSData and all the rest. Bindings, check. All that shit. I even have two applications up on the Mac App Store. I'm not using AppleScript editor and bonking URLs from Safari into a fucking email either. This is real stuff. Just in AppleScriptObjC, not ObjC. Shit, I even get space on Xcode's front page:
That's in the current, shipping version of Xcode, 4.0.1.
Yet for all that, for all that, Apple DTS can not be fucking arsed, while blowing me off, to blow me off to the correct fucking list.
To all the chuckleheads in DTS: the next time you get an AppleScriptObjC question, please update your "Fuck Off" script to refer people to the actual AppleScriptObjC list. Pretend you actually fucking know something about the tools you're supporting, hmm? It makes those of us you treat like a bad smell under the couch feel that we're at least worth that.
Right now, I'm actually glad I'm not at the WWDC. Apple clearly doesn't want me there, I'm not a real developer, I don't fucking count. Fine, fuck off about getting my fucking money then, assholes.
(Oh, and if I hurt someone's feelings, or someone's going to tell me that my language and attitude are counter-productive? Fuck. You. Apple DTS had the chance to treat me correctly, they chose to treat me, and every AppleScriptObjC developer like shit. If Apple DTS wants me to TALK nice, they can just fucking TREAT me nice. Until then, fuck 'em, I'll talk to them like they were making CS3 installers. It's not like I'm going to lose anything in the way of service or fucking support. Jerks.)| Comments ()
April 8, 2011
Bindings are awesome, part infinity
So as anyone on the ASOC list knows, I've been having a dilly of an issue: trying to set up an image well so that when someone drags an image into it, that image stays there past reboots. I was looking at subclassing NSImage, all kinds of crap. I was totally stupid about it.
The right answer, suggested by a good friend, was right there all along. To store NSImage data for an image that has been dragged into an Image Well or Image View, you need no code. You use bindings.
I created the property to bind to, say imageTop as a text property:
property imageTop: ""
then in Xcode, I bind that image view's value, (not data, data's deprecated) to the Shared User Defaults Controller. I use imageTop as the Model Key path, and set the Value Transformer to NSKeyedUnarchiveFromData.
That's it. When I drag an image into the image view/image well, that image data is written to the application's plist file, and when I restart the application, the image is still there. Precisely what I needed, zero lines of code. Bindings are awesome.
As is Shane Stanley's book, which, if I'd looked at the friggin' chapter on saving preferences, (Chapter 20 if you're interested), I'd have probably solved this problem days ago. Also, many thanks to Peter B. and Rainer on the ASOC list for all the help they tried to give me.| Comments ()
April 2, 2011
Don't get into fights with comedians
You know, you'd think anyone over the age of about 16 would know this. That guy, who's really good at being funny, and doesn't have to memorize his witty sayings? The girl who can make you look six kinds of stupid with a perfectly-timed raise of an eyebrow? Don't get into fights with them. You are always, always going to lose.
You'd think that people would understand that, especially after this example, wherein Jon Stewart turns Tucker Carlson into a bow-tied sputtering buffoon. Don't fight with anyone who buys their ink by the barrel, don't fight with comedians, don't start a land war in China, don't fight in Russia in winter.
Yet, for some reason, everyone's favorite fool, John Dowdell, decides to get snarky with the fucking Macalope. In about half a page, Dowdell shows:
- He's too stupid to work a comment system
- He's no idea of the difference between the word "anonymous" and "pseudonym"
- He, more than everyone at Apple combined is keeping the OMG NO FLASH ON TEH IPHONE nontroversy alive, almost like he had a vested interest in it
- And, that he's a raging hypocritical old Mr. Wilson, yelling at kids to keep off his lawn.
Especially don't get into fights with comedians when you don't have the high ground to begin with.
See, the hilarious part is, Dowdell thinks Adobe is really more "ethical" than Apple. Really? Tell me John, how "ethical" was it of Adobe to bully Microsoft because Microsoft wanted to do the same thing that lots of other companies had done and implement one of your "open" standards within Office, namely PDF. Of course, at the time, PDF wasn't really an "Open" standard. In fact, PDF wasn't released as an open standard by the ISO until July 1, 2008. So it was a published standard, albeit one completely controlled by Adobe, who still owned it. Hmm...sounds familiar. I wonder if there's some other standard that Adobe insists is "open" yet, is really still completely owned by them, just mostly published. Oh wait, yes, I remember.
Adobe expects us to believe that no, really, Flash is open, you can do whatever the fuck you want with it, let a thousand flowers bloom. Yet there still appears to be some questions about Adobe's release of the full RTMP spec.
Hmm...that doesn't sound like an Open standard to me. In any event, as even a quick look at Adobe's "problem" with Microsoft allowing for PDF generation within Office 2007 shows, if Adobe controls the standard, and you do anything to fuck with their moneymaker, they'll slap you down, and hard. Even worse, if you dare to create a competing format, like oh, XPS? Yeah, Adobe just gets all twitchy.
It's even better when in this article, after the Office 2007 thing was brought up, Chizen said they'd planned on PDF creation as a moneymaker going away. I guess it was some other reason. Of course, the fact that all kinds of products and platforms were creating PDFs that didn't fully comply with any spec kind of shits on the idea that Office's PDF output was non-compliant. Hmm...I wonder if it's the fact that at least at that time, something like 90% of Acrobat sales were on Windows? Ooohh....I bet that could be.
And yet, with this clear, historical data in front of us, showing how Adobe will throw you under a bus if it thinks you're going to fuck with a moneymaker, Dowdell expects us to believe that Flash is different? That this time, Adobe won't be a bully? "No baby, I promise, that was just that one time. You know how I get when I've been drinking, and you know what Acrobat means to me. You started talking about making your own PDFs without me, and you just made me go a little crazy. I swear, I don't hit people normally, it's just that you made me all crazy inside, and if you just don't do that again, I promise, everything will be perfect."
So there's all that data showing how Adobe is just as preciously full of shit as Dowdell accuses Apple of being. Yet with all that, with all that, he still thinks he's going to somehow come out ahead of an imaginary creature whose reason for being is witty commentary on the Mac "world" such as it is? You go on with your bad self there, little Flash puppet.| Comments ()