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You want to know why people are angry?

Tomorrow, when I'm severing all personal ties with Citi, I'll be remembering that a lot. If I fail, then poor schmuck on the phone, I apologize to you now. You didn't write the letter I got. Now, before we get to the money shot here, let me explain how I deal with credit cards. I pay on time, and over the minimum. Like fucking clockwork I do this. When I can, I'll make multiple payments per month. Why? Because that's the deal, or what the deal should be. The credit card company extends me credit, and in return, I pay my shit on time. It's pretty simple and for decades, it's worked well for me.

See, that was kind of the compact, implied to be sure, that I have with credit companies. You do your part, and I will do mine. I'll do without personally, just to make sure I pay your ass back, because you trusted me with the credit, and in return, I do my part. Quid pro quo. (Note: I don't really fucking care if the reality is more complicated, not this time. This is not complicated shit here, it's pretty pathetically simple. Maybe if the banks and credit companies hadn't made this shit so overcomplicated, we would not be in a recession. Simple may not work in every situation, but it rarely skull-fucks you the way complicated does.)

Once again, I have learned that if you aren't rich, if you don't have assets, then you're going to get fucked over by your creditors. Not if, but when. It has nothing to do with the deal. You can make your payments on time, they won't care. You can do it as right as possible, but the instant they need to make bank, they are going to take it out of your ass, and your past payment history won't matter. Don't think a low balance will help you. If you have a low balance, they aren't making any money off you. So they'll fuck you too, because now you aren't generating enough income for them when they decide to actively start fucking you.

So here's the text of this letter from Citi:

Dear John C. Welch,
We are making changes to your account terms (They put this in bold, not me. You know that's bad news)

To continue to provide our customers with access to credit, we have had to adjust our pricing. The terms of your account will be changing. These changes include an increase in the variable APR for purchase to $29.99% and will take effect November 30th, 2009. As always, you will have the option to opt out, close your account, and pay down your balance under your current terms. If you opt out, you will not longer be able to use your Cite card.

If you accept these changes, we have designed a program where you can earn interest back each month that can help offset the increase in your purchase APR.

Earn interest back every month.

Here's how --make an on-time payment of at least your minimum amount due.

Each month you do, you will receive a credit on your billing statement equal to 10% of your total interest charge on purchase balances. This can help offset the increase in your purchase APR. Start earning interest back in December and January, and you will see the full credit on your statement no later than February 2010, and monthly after that.

If in any month you do not pay on time, you may not be eligible to continue to participate in this program.

We reserve the right to change or end this program with 30 days' prior written notice. Please see the back of this letter for further details.

You know, it's not just that they're trying to ass rape me, but that they're insulting my intelligence too. They're going to double my interest rate, but if I pay on time, they'll give me back up to 10% of the total interest charge that month. Of course, I'll see December and January "no later" than February. Which also means "no earlier". (Doesn't it just suck when you prove you're unworthy of trust? People start assuming you're going to fuck them at every turn.)

So you increase my RATE by a factor of two, but you'll "give me back" ten percent of the FEE derived from that rate for the month...as a credit, the month after that.

Man, I know I can do stupid shit here and there, but I can also do math. Evidently too well for Citi. So, I'll call them up and kill the card in the morning. After that, they're dead to me. Right now, if I woke up a billionaire, I wouldn't give Citi the time of day, unless it was "Eat Glass O'Clock". If I ever get around to pulling the trigger on a VA loan for my house? Fuck you Citi, won't be through you. You're done.

People want to know why the average schmuck wants bankers' heads on a platter? It's because they're tired of the banker's dick in their ass. Fuck killing all the lawyers. First thing we do, we kill all the bankers.

Do you want to know the real shit part of this? Out of the institutions I owe money to, do you want to know the one agency that has been unfailingly nice? I don't mean polite, but genuinely nice to deal with? Who abide by the "you hold up your end we won't fuck you over" part of things? Who are nice on the phone? Who really try to work with you? Who don't change the deal on you in mid-stream?

The fucking I.R.S.

You want proof it's the end times, there you go.

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Posted by John C. Welch at 23:36 | Permalink

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Even when dealing with a big, assholish corporation, I try to remember that the person I speak to on the phone did not make the bad/stupid/nigh-evil decisions I'm pissed about. Sometimes it's hard, but I try, because they don't deserve the abuse I want to heap on their corporate masters like a flock of dysentery-ridden pigeons.\n\nTomorrow, when I'm severing all personal ties with Citi, I'll be remembering that a lot. If I fail, then poor schmuck on the phone, I apologize to you now. You didn't write the letter I got. Now, before we get to the money shot here, let me explain how I deal with credit cards. I pay on time, and over the minimum. Like fucking clockwork I do this. When I can, I'll make multiple payments per month. Why? Because that's the deal, or what the deal should be. The credit card company extends me credit, and in return, I pay my shit on time. It's pretty simple and for decades, it's worked well for me. \n\nSee, that was kind of the compact, implied to be sure, that I have with credit companies. You do your part, and I will do mine. I'll do without personally, just to make sure I pay your ass back, because you trusted me with the credit, and in return, I do my part. Quid pro quo. (Note: I don't really fucking care if the reality is more complicated, not this time. This is not complicated shit here, it's pretty pathetically simple. Maybe if the banks and credit companies hadn't made this shit so overcomplicated, we would not be in a recession. Simple may not work in every situation, but it rarely skull-fucks you the way complicated does.)\n\nOnce again, I have learned that if you aren't rich, if you don't have assets, then you're going to get fucked over by your creditors. Not if, but when. It has nothing to do with the deal. You can make your payments on time, they won't care. You can do it as right as possible, but the instant they need to make bank, they are going to take it out of your ass, and your past payment history won't matter. Don't think a low balance will help you. If you have a low balance, they aren't making any money off you. So they'll fuck you too, because now you aren't generating enough income for them when they decide to actively start fucking you.\n\nSo here's the text of this letter from Citi:\n\n

Dear John C. Welch,\n\nWe are making changes to your account terms (They put this in bold, not me. You know that's bad news)\n\nTo continue to provide our customers with access to credit, we have had to adjust our pricing. The terms of your account will be changing. These changes include an increase in the variable APR for purchase to \$29.99% and will take effect November 30th, 2009. As always, you will have the option to opt out, close your account, and pay down your balance under your current terms. If you opt out, you will not longer be able to use your Cite card.\n\nIf you accept these changes, we have designed a program where you can earn interest back each month that can help offset the increase in your purchase APR.\n\nEarn interest back every month.\n\nHere's how --make an on-time payment of at least your minimum amount due. \n\nEach month you do, you will receive a credit on your billing statement equal to 10% of your total interest charge on purchase balances. This can help offset the increase in your purchase APR. Start earning interest back in December and January, and you will see the full credit on your statement no later than February 2010, and monthly after that.\n\nIf in any month you do not pay on time, you may not be eligible to continue to participate in this program.\n\nWe reserve the right to change or end this program with 30 days' prior written notice. Please see the back of this letter for further details.

\n\nYou know, it's not just that they're trying to ass rape me, but that they're insulting my intelligence too. They're going to double my interest rate, but if I pay on time, they'll give me back up to 10% of the total interest charge that month. Of course, I'll see December and January \"no later\" than February. Which also means \"no earlier\". (Doesn't it just suck when you prove you're unworthy of trust? People start assuming you're going to fuck them at every turn.)\n\nSo you increase my RATE by a factor of two, but you'll \"give me back\" ten percent of the FEE derived from that rate for the month...as a credit, the month after that.\n\nMan, I know I can do stupid shit here and there, but I can also do math. Evidently too well for Citi. So, I'll call them up and kill the card in the morning. After that, they're dead to me. Right now, if I woke up a billionaire, I wouldn't give Citi the time of day, unless it was \"Eat Glass O'Clock\". If I ever get around to pulling the trigger on a VA loan for my house? Fuck you Citi, won't be through you. You're done. \n\nPeople want to know why the average schmuck wants bankers' heads on a platter? It's because they're tired of the banker's dick in their ass. Fuck killing all the lawyers. First thing we do, we kill all the bankers. \n\nDo you want to know the real shit part of this? Out of the institutions I owe money to, do you want to know the one agency that has been unfailingly nice? I don't mean polite, but genuinely nice to deal with? Who abide by the \"you hold up your end we won't fuck you over\" part of things? Who are nice on the phone? Who really try to work with you? Who don't change the deal on you in mid-stream?\n\nThe fucking I.R.S.\n\nYou want proof it's the end times, there you go.