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Lotus Notes, the product, not any other use.

Why am I even talking about that fecal leftover of a product? Because someone on twitter, specifically Vaughan Rivett made some half-assed attempt to defend Notes as a good thing.

Stop laughing that hard, you'll bust a nut, and we haven't even gotten to the funny parts. Like the Notes UI.

So, here's some of Vaughan's better bits to me on Twitter:

@bynkii If you want a fair argument I suggest that you respect other views and stick to the topic.

@bynkii You're sounding very defensive now. Hummm. I don't remember throwing personal insult your way.

@bynkii Your tone has actually been quite rude and you are just trying to rubbish a solution that I prefer.

@bynkii Infact the is NO other solution on the market which supports so many client options and server options as Domino and Notes.
@bynkii Entourage supports IMAP as my wife uses it all the time and I have tested it with Lotus Domino Server. Don't care about Exchange

@bynkii Entourage works as a IMAP client (not MAPI) and IMAPis far from dead.

@bynkii Entourage will work with Lotus Domino server through iMAP. Is there an actual Entourage server backend though. Lack Entourage exper

@bynkii Have you considered using the likes of Microsoft Outlook with Lotus Domino at the backend instead of Exchange?

The dude's blog is done in Notes. That's some serious Flavor-Aid there.

So, let's see, he knows nothing about Entourage, not really, but tried to tell me about it, and I've FORGOTTEN more about E'rage than he'll ever know. Actually, I think I'm safe in saying I've been using E'rage than a good bit of the current E'rage Dev team.

So yeah, typical Notes person. Short on clue, long on mantra. But in response to his one comment?

Sonny, I'm not trying to rubbish Notes, I'm going to rubbish Notes, and I'm going to do it like I had a fucking "Rubbishing Notes" machine. Sit back, it's about to get heavy.

First, there's Notes itself, and folks, no matter how amusing Notes' advocates are, nothing can hit the bozo button like IBM.

First, you have to register to get the demo/eval download. Okay, no biggie. Oh, wait, I have to select my country, then hit "go" to get the list of states/regions to work? 1994 called and said "WE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT EITHER, STOP BEING STUPID!".

Then I pick the version for the MAC. Mmm..clueless tastes like hamburgers. No, wait, that's dinner.

Now to...fill out ANOTHER FORM...yay, download...of a 292MB TARBALL. Specifically, C1SC1EN.TAR. Well, there's a name that's intuitive...as compared to the EBCDIC version. (IBM joke there.) For reference, the current native version of OpenOffice on the Mac is 387.5MB. Yeah.

So let's see, we unpack that tarball and get..a folder called C1SC1EN, and inside is an Installer package, (hey, good on them), an uninstaller, and a Utility folder. In the Utility folder, is a perl script, that's only usable in any way, (perm bits are 700), by the user who expanded the tarball. Ooookay...and it appears to be an automation script for the installer...looks like an updater, but my perl-fu is waaay weak, so don't take my word on that.

Using Pacifist, I see the mpkg has three internal packages. The first, "Lotus Notes Installer" contains the Notes application itself. It's an assload of Java and dylibs, etc.

The second package is nothing but 226MB of English.lproj installer. (Maybe their way of localizing the install?) Gobs of bitmap files in here. (Yes, .bmp. I'm totally serial here.) Also gobs of other files. Gobs und Gobs und Gobs. This is a big install.

Ah, the xpdcoreinstaller package gives us some interesting info. This is an Eclipse application, which means it's a Java application, and I'm going to guess, only vaguely native. We'll have to see after the install actually runs, but I'm not going to get my hopes up here. Java applications, as a rule are unimpressive.

Oh, we don't even have to go that far to unimpress me. Look at this little dear:

Okay, so I don't care who you think your intended audience is, but is it that hard to use a proportional font and say "In the Lotus Notes Data folder, inside of Application Support in your home directory's Library folder"? Is talking to people using normal English that hard? I know it's a minor thing, but thinking of people as >{set of sysadmins} is an important thing if you want to create client software that doesn't suck. Also, I expect that settings from a previous version will be respected. Why do you need to tell me this?

(Yes, details like this do matter, because a bad application is rarely blatantly and obviously bad. Instead, it's bad because of a thousand details gone wrong.)

Sigh...next fuckup. This one is called "Assume that because it makes sense to me, it makes sense to everyone" along with "Redundant repetition is fun by being fun":

I kind of figure that something called "Composite Application Editor" is the Composite Application Editor feature. I also figure that if I select it, in the Installer, that it will be well, installed. What I don't know from this is wtf it does, and if I need it for normal operations. Meh, WTF, it's only 4MB. Oh, look Sametime (integrated). I know what Sametime is, but the integrated is not clear. We'll go with IBM meaning "It's not a standalone client, but the Sametime featureset integrated into Notes." Again, just a few minutes spent typing would make the Installer just a bit better to use.

Okay, so I have to give IBM credit here, they let me avoid what would be a simply terrible idea here, and I do appreciate that:

No, no, no, and Continue. Oh, I must say, the Engrish here, "Make Notes as Default Application Client" is kind of fun. We all need a giggle during our installs. And we get to the final screen before installing. I am told that Notes will take up 372MB, (again, OpenOffice 3 is just under 390MB), and I get a "Customize" button.

Well, I like customizing things. Actually, I like fucking with stuff, so hell YES I'm going to click it and see what I can fuck with!

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Look, if I can't actually customize anything, don't give me a customize button. I know that waiting to start fucking with your users is no fun, but come on, let's at least make the installer give them a bit of hope that this time, Notes won't suck. It makes the look on their faces when it all comes crashing down that much better! Along with that, why am I installing Notes 8.5 for Mac twice, and why is one version over 80MB bigger than the other one? Anyone?

(Random installer message question: WTF is an Expeditor Framework, and why do I care?)

Okay, IBM. I know your history. Really well. However, the correct message at the end of the install is "Installation complete", NOT:

If I'm provisioning something, I want to see military hardware on tarmac being loaded onto a C-17. Again, let's use our end-user words, not our programmer words. Oh wait, that was an intermediate screen before the screen that tells me the install completed successfully.

Can YOU tell IBM does a lot of DoD work? I can, can YOU?

Ah, the moment of truth...first launch. Okay, gets to the first launch config screen quick enough. Blow by the Domino screen, since I don't care about it.

Okay, another "No one cares about the little things" issue:

I'm pretty sure that's jsmith@ign.ibm.com, not "weird letter i"smith@i"weird letter a"n.ibm.com. It's not hard to check for things like rendering text correctly, and it shows that you give a rat's ass about the little things. Or don't.

Okay, so while Notes is starting, (Why is it that Java applications always look like Java applications?), we'll check for an AppleScript dictionary. Well, it has one, and it's big. But it's also wierd, for example, IBM doesn't seem to really get what a suite is, so you have an "acl" suite, and an "aclentry" suite. That should all be one suite. There's also a daterange suite and a datetime suite.

This looks like they took some other automation library, and just ported it directly to AppleScript, as it reminds me a lot of Word 2004's dictionary. More examples: three richtext suites, (yeah, they're all like that...no spaces in things. I'm guessing they don't really know much about AppleScript.), 4 ui suites, and 5 view suites.

See, I know technically, I should be pleased that they have an AppleScript implementation at all, and I am, but I still don't know how well it works, and I can tell you that using something with almost 40 suites would not be fun. Even worse the classes are still muddled about. For example, where is the richtextitem class defined? Not in any of the three richtext suites. No, that's defined in the Item suite. Dear IBM, here's a hint...if you have almost 40 suites and gobs of them define 1-2 classes? you're doing it wrong.

Now, for the UI. First, it's obviously a Java application, and whomever did the UI design for the Mac either had little experience with the program, doesn't care, or was using a toolset that simply doesn't allow you to do things right. Since this is an IBM product, we'll go with d) all of the above. There's popup windows that have shadow resize boxes, and stretch the length of the window, well almost, for no obvious reason. No really:

I don't know why that popup window looks like that, but there's no good reason for it.

Another thing...the initial "Home Page" should not ask me if I want to make my own or use the default. Just show me the damned default, and let me decide if I want to change it later on. Can you tell this is a product designed for IT? If you weren't sure, here's the home page:

So here, I have three tabs, and two of them, including the home page still don't let me get stuff done. The Open button is just a dropdown that duplicates the home page buttons. So, I click on "Mail" and discover that that earlier "Checking for new mail" message? Yeah, that was bullshit, because it's only now that my inbox mail headers are downloaded, and it's only then that my email folders are downloaded. It sat there for almost 30 minutes and didn't do a goddamned thing until I clicked on Mail. WTF guys, initiative, show some. It's also an ugly-assed indicator:

So we click on Mail....

GPOIUHGPOIHRWGGAAAAAAH! Now I get an "About Mail (IMAP)" page? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT KIND OF TEST MUST I PASS TO SEE MY EMAIL IN AN EMAIL APPLICATION? WHY GOD? WHYYYYY!

So I close THAT tab and see my mail headers. Oldest first. Because that's how people like to read their email. Newest on the bottom and out of sight. Other things...here, look at this shit:

I can't see the full date, I can't see the full from names, I can barely see the full subjects in some cases, but I have half the fucking window EMPTY. If I hover the mouse over column header borders, there's no indication I can resize. No live resizing. When I do resize, the line to show me the new column width starts almost 2" below the mouse cursor. No live scrolling.

No, I'm not lying. Scrolling through the message list is not live. 1984 called, they want their UI back.

There's a 1sec delay, or close between double-clicking on a message, and seeing the message tab with the email therein. Notes doesn't show remote images by default, that's good, but the goodness of that feature is destroyed by no obvious way to show them. Right clicking is the answer, but why make people hunt for it? Good UI is about making things obvious. Not IN YOUR FACE, but intuitive and obvious.

How come IBM can give me live scrolling in the message, but not in the message list? Are they designed by difference teams?

I know there's a way to set up a three-pane view in Notes, but it's not in...oh the VIEW menu.

Oh wait...no, no, hold on, I have to actually use Snapz pro for this, y'all will not believe it. It's bad enough that "New mail message" is CMD-M...but...oh holy fuck, here look at this:

Yes, that's right..."Close" is "Esc" not "CMD-W". They mix and match icons and text in menus...but you have to see the Open submenu to truly appreciate, to truly understand how shitty, how mindbogglingly craptacular IBM's UI team is. Are you ready?

Okay, I hope you aren't drinking anything:

No, you aren't hallucinating. "Open Selected Item..." is....THE COPYRIGHT SYMBOL!!!

I...I...I have no words for that. Maybe someone in UI design? Nadyne? Someone? Why....HOW....HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN!!!!!!! SOMEONE FUCKING TELL ME, RIGHT NOW, HOW THE FUCK DOES THE COPYRIGHT SYMBOL BECOME A KEYBOARD SHORT CUT? Is it font-dependent? I mean, the problems with this...I may have finally found the one thing that could fill up a ZFS file system...all the possible issues with all the UI fuckups in Lotus Notes. It's like looking into a cave and realizing you've found, at last, the source for all stupidity in the universe. The scary thing? That actually works. Fucking option-g is open selected item. Sonofabitch!

(maybe they win points for being completely fucking stupid but functional completely fucking stupid?)

Oh, and note how in the New submenu, it's "Command+M" and in the Open submenu, it's the command symbol. Oh, now I clicked on something somewhere, and it's the command symbol everywhere. WTF? Man, this beats Office 2000's magical changing menus ALL to hell.

(This is going to get random here, the stupid is coming too fast to be coherent. Yes, I know there are gobs of UI fuckups I'm missing. I'm only one man, desperately hanging on to my sanity here.)

Why does "Dock the Open List" create a vertical toolbar from nothing? Shouldn't there have been something to dock? Why does Notes use its own web browser, instead of just shelling out to my default browser when I click the button? (This is in the prefs, but why isn't the default normal OS behavior?)

Ah, how to really tell something is a shit Eclipse/Java application: Look at the prefs. Regardless of application fugly, the prefs always look the same in that world:

It's just as stupid in here. There's an option for "Right double-click closes window". Why do I need that? Why does ANYONE need that? "Retain View column sorting" is something that can be disabled? What, people like setting up their window every time they launch the application?

"Strict Date/Time Input"? What, does IBM send a dominatrix to spank me if I use military date formatting?

Why is it that when I click on Contacts, I get this?

I'm READING EMAIL. How the FUCK do I not have a mail file specified? Furthermore, when I exit the prefs and go to File->Locations->Manage Locations... like the dialog tells me to, (badly mind you, there's nothing there that indicates they mean the File menu and submenus. Jesus, how hard is it to type "Go to the File Menu, and use Locations -> Manage Locations to set your mail file), I END UP BACK IN THE FUCKING PREFERENCES, WHERE I JUST WAS, I HAVE A LOCATION SELECTED! What the fuck is wrong with that? Even better, I HAVE A MAIL FILE. Right there. imap7812.nsf. So how the fuck do I not have a mail file specified, when clearly, I have a very specified mail file? Jesus Fucking Christ, WHO THE FUCK APPROVED THIS? Hobos are funny, but don't let them DESIGN YOUR PRODUCT.

What do I see in the preferences when I click on, you know, Mail?

I see this:

I mean really, what kind of fucking idiot would think that a section in Preferences labeled "Mail" would be there to set Mail Preferences? Pfft, users.

Oh, but you can set Mail Internet, Sending and Receiving prefs there. See? Logical!

Now, most people would think that "Notes Ports" is where you edit say, the port that IMAP/SMTP/etc. use. Of course, that would be fucking stupid to assume. No, this is where you select your communications protocol. As in "TCP/IP". What, you think I'm fucking joking? HA!

Sucker, I have to take screenshots of this shit, no one would believe me otherwise.

Oh, and why would the online help index BEFORE you use it? Pfft....user convenience. As if THAT matters.

I still haven't figured out how to do three-pane view, something dead simple in every email client that supports it. Oh, here's the help entry on it. Now, look at the screenshot, and read that first task very carefully, and the first bullet point answer for it:

Here, let me quote it specifically:

On the menu bar, click View > Preview Pane > Show Preview

You mean here?

That's in the mail view by the way. The way you do it is to drag the border up from the bottom of the message list. Of course, even after you do this, you still can't find the Preview Pane option in the menu.

So not only is the UI shit, but the help fucking LIES TO YOU.

Oh fuck this, I'm done. I can't take any more of this shitfest, and I think I've shown that Notes is still a program that only the most evil, despicable, soulless cocksucker of an IT person would inflict on end users. I bet if you said "You can use Lotus Notes, or set yourself on fire in the main conference room", you'd have a fucking LINE of people with gas cans and Zippos.

So see? No matter how fucked up UI from Adobe, Apple, Microsoft, or anyone else is, it's still better than Notes.

Oh, and Vaughan Rivett? Notes still sucks rancid donkey cock.

Comments

Lotus Notes, the product, not any other use. \n\nWhy am I even talking about that fecal leftover of a product? Because someone on twitter, specifically Vaughan Rivett made some half-assed attempt to defend Notes as a good thing.\n\nStop laughing that hard, you'll bust a nut, and we haven't even gotten to the funny parts. Like the Notes UI.\n\nSo, here's some of Vaughan's better bits to me on Twitter:\n

@bynkii If you want a fair argument I suggest that you respect other views and stick to the topic.\n\n@bynkii You're sounding very defensive now. Hummm. I don't remember throwing personal insult your way.\n\n@bynkii Your tone has actually been quite rude and you are just trying to rubbish a solution that I prefer.\n\n@bynkii Infact the is NO other solution on the market which supports so many client options and server options as Domino and Notes.\n@bynkii Entourage supports IMAP as my wife uses it all the time and I have tested it with Lotus Domino Server. Don't care about Exchange\n\n@bynkii Entourage works as a IMAP client (not MAPI) and IMAPis far from dead.\n\n@bynkii Entourage will work with Lotus Domino server through iMAP. Is there an actual Entourage server backend though. Lack Entourage exper\n\n@bynkii Have you considered using the likes of Microsoft Outlook with Lotus Domino at the backend instead of Exchange?\n

\n\nThe dude's blog is done in Notes. That's some serious Flavor-Aid there.\n\nSo, let's see, he knows nothing about Entourage, not really, but tried to tell me about it, and I've FORGOTTEN more about E'rage than he'll ever know. Actually, I think I'm safe in saying I've been using E'rage than a good bit of the current E'rage Dev team. \n\nSo yeah, typical Notes person. Short on clue, long on mantra. But in response to his one comment?\n\nSonny, I'm not trying to rubbish Notes, I'm going to rubbish Notes, and I'm going to do it like I had a fucking \"Rubbishing Notes\" machine. Sit back, it's about to get heavy.\n\nFirst, there's Notes itself, and folks, no matter how amusing Notes' advocates are, nothing can hit the bozo button like IBM. \n\nFirst, you have to register to get the demo/eval download. Okay, no biggie. Oh, wait, I have to select my country, then hit \"go\" to get the list of states/regions to work? 1994 called and said \"WE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT EITHER, STOP BEING STUPID!\". \n\nThen I pick the version for the MAC. Mmm..clueless tastes like hamburgers. No, wait, that's dinner. \n\nNow to...fill out ANOTHER FORM...yay, download...of a 292MB TARBALL. Specifically, C1SC1EN.TAR. Well, there's a name that's intuitive...as compared to the EBCDIC version. (IBM joke there.) For reference, the current native version of OpenOffice on the Mac is 387.5MB. Yeah. \n\nSo let's see, we unpack that tarball and get..a folder called C1SC1EN, and inside is an Installer package, (hey, good on them), an uninstaller, and a Utility folder. In the Utility folder, is a perl script, that's only usable in any way, (perm bits are 700), by the user who expanded the tarball. Ooookay...and it appears to be an automation script for the installer...looks like an updater, but my perl-fu is waaay weak, so don't take my word on that.\n\nUsing Pacifist, I see the mpkg has three internal packages. The first, \"Lotus Notes Installer\" contains the Notes application itself. It's an assload of Java and dylibs, etc. \n\nThe second package is nothing but 226MB of English.lproj installer. (Maybe their way of localizing the install?) Gobs of bitmap files in here. (Yes, .bmp. I'm totally serial here.) Also gobs of other files. Gobs und Gobs und Gobs. This is a big install.\n\nAh, the xpdcoreinstaller package gives us some interesting info. This is an Eclipse application, which means it's a Java application, and I'm going to guess, only vaguely native. We'll have to see after the install actually runs, but I'm not going to get my hopes up here. Java applications, as a rule are unimpressive.\n\nOh, we don't even have to go that far to unimpress me. Look at this little dear:\n\n\nOkay, so I don't care who you think your intended audience is, but is it that hard to use a proportional font and say \"In the Lotus Notes Data folder, inside of Application Support in your home directory's Library folder\"? Is talking to people using normal English that hard? I know it's a minor thing, but thinking of people as >{set of sysadmins} is an important thing if you want to create client software that doesn't suck. Also, I expect that settings from a previous version will be respected. Why do you need to tell me this?\n\n(Yes, details like this do matter, because a bad application is rarely blatantly and obviously bad. Instead, it's bad because of a thousand details gone wrong.)\n\nSigh...next fuckup. This one is called \"Assume that because it makes sense to me, it makes sense to everyone\" along with \"Redundant repetition is fun by being fun\":\n\n\nI kind of figure that something called \"Composite Application Editor\" is the Composite Application Editor feature. I also figure that if I select it, in the Installer, that it will be well, installed. What I don't know from this is wtf it does, and if I need it for normal operations. Meh, WTF, it's only 4MB. Oh, look Sametime (integrated). I know what Sametime is, but the integrated is not clear. We'll go with IBM meaning \"It's not a standalone client, but the Sametime featureset integrated into Notes.\" Again, just a few minutes spent typing would make the Installer just a bit better to use.\n\nOkay, so I have to give IBM credit here, they let me avoid what would be a simply terrible idea here, and I do appreciate that:\n\n\nNo, no, no, and Continue. Oh, I must say, the Engrish here, \"Make Notes as Default Application Client\" is kind of fun. We all need a giggle during our installs. And we get to the final screen before installing. I am told that Notes will take up 372MB, (again, OpenOffice 3 is just under 390MB), and I get a \"Customize\" button.\n\nWell, I like customizing things. Actually, I like fucking with stuff, so hell YES I'm going to click it and see what I can fuck with!\n\n\nKHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!\n\nLook, if I can't actually customize anything, don't give me a customize button. I know that waiting to start fucking with your users is no fun, but come on, let's at least make the installer give them a bit of hope that this time, Notes won't suck. It makes the look on their faces when it all comes crashing down that much better! Along with that, why am I installing Notes 8.5 for Mac twice, and why is one version over 80MB bigger than the other one? Anyone?\n\n(Random installer message question: WTF is an Expeditor Framework, and why do I care?)\n\nOkay, IBM. I know your history. Really well. However, the correct message at the end of the install is \"Installation complete\", NOT:\n\n\nIf I'm provisioning something, I want to see military hardware on tarmac being loaded onto a C-17. Again, let's use our end-user words, not our programmer words. Oh wait, that was an intermediate screen before the screen that tells me the install completed successfully.\n\nCan YOU tell IBM does a lot of DoD work? I can, can YOU?\n\nAh, the moment of truth...first launch. Okay, gets to the first launch config screen quick enough. Blow by the Domino screen, since I don't care about it.\n\nOkay, another \"No one cares about the little things\" issue:\n\n\n\nI'm pretty sure that's jsmith@ign.ibm.com, not \"weird letter i\"smith@i\"weird letter a\"n.ibm.com. It's not hard to check for things like rendering text correctly, and it shows that you give a rat's ass about the little things. Or don't.\n\nOkay, so while Notes is starting, (Why is it that Java applications always look like Java applications?), we'll check for an AppleScript dictionary. Well, it has one, and it's big. But it's also wierd, for example, IBM doesn't seem to really get what a suite is, so you have an \"acl\" suite, and an \"aclentry\" suite. That should all be one suite. There's also a daterange suite and a datetime suite.\n\nThis looks like they took some other automation library, and just ported it directly to AppleScript, as it reminds me a lot of Word 2004's dictionary. More examples: three richtext suites, (yeah, they're all like that...no spaces in things. I'm guessing they don't really know much about AppleScript.), 4 ui suites, and 5 view suites. \n\nSee, I know technically, I should be pleased that they have an AppleScript implementation at all, and I am, but I still don't know how well it works, and I can tell you that using something with almost 40 suites would not be fun. Even worse the classes are still muddled about. For example, where is the richtextitem class defined? Not in any of the three richtext suites. No, that's defined in the Item suite. Dear IBM, here's a hint...if you have almost 40 suites and gobs of them define 1-2 classes? you're doing it wrong.\n\nNow, for the UI. First, it's obviously a Java application, and whomever did the UI design for the Mac either had little experience with the program, doesn't care, or was using a toolset that simply doesn't allow you to do things right. Since this is an IBM product, we'll go with d) all of the above. There's popup windows that have shadow resize boxes, and stretch the length of the window, well almost, for no obvious reason. No really:\n\n\nI don't know why that popup window looks like that, but there's no good reason for it.\n\nAnother thing...the initial \"Home Page\" should not ask me if I want to make my own or use the default. Just show me the damned default, and let me decide if I want to change it later on. Can you tell this is a product designed for IT? If you weren't sure, here's the home page:\n\n\nSo here, I have three tabs, and two of them, including the home page still don't let me get stuff done. The Open button is just a dropdown that duplicates the home page buttons. So, I click on \"Mail\" and discover that that earlier \"Checking for new mail\" message? Yeah, that was bullshit, because it's only now that my inbox mail headers are downloaded, and it's only then that my email folders are downloaded. It sat there for almost 30 minutes and didn't do a goddamned thing until I clicked on Mail. WTF guys, initiative, show some. It's also an ugly-assed indicator:\n\n\n\nSo we click on Mail....\n\nGPOIUHGPOIHRWGGAAAAAAH! Now I get an \"About Mail (IMAP)\" page? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT KIND OF TEST MUST I PASS TO SEE MY EMAIL IN AN EMAIL APPLICATION? WHY GOD? WHYYYYY!\n\nSo I close THAT tab and see my mail headers. Oldest first. Because that's how people like to read their email. Newest on the bottom and out of sight. Other things...here, look at this shit:\n\n\nI can't see the full date, I can't see the full from names, I can barely see the full subjects in some cases, but I have half the fucking window EMPTY. If I hover the mouse over column header borders, there's no indication I can resize. No live resizing. When I do resize, the line to show me the new column width starts almost 2\" below the mouse cursor. No live scrolling.\n\nNo, I'm not lying. Scrolling through the message list is not live. 1984 called, they want their UI back.\n\nThere's a 1sec delay, or close between double-clicking on a message, and seeing the message tab with the email therein. Notes doesn't show remote images by default, that's good, but the goodness of that feature is destroyed by no obvious way to show them. Right clicking is the answer, but why make people hunt for it? Good UI is about making things obvious. Not IN YOUR FACE, but intuitive and obvious.\n\nHow come IBM can give me live scrolling in the message, but not in the message list? Are they designed by difference teams?\n\nI know there's a way to set up a three-pane view in Notes, but it's not in...oh the VIEW menu.\n\nOh wait...no, no, hold on, I have to actually use Snapz pro for this, y'all will not believe it. It's bad enough that \"New mail message\" is CMD-M...but...oh holy fuck, here look at this:\n\n\n\nYes, that's right...\"Close\" is \"Esc\" not \"CMD-W\". They mix and match icons and text in menus...but you have to see the Open submenu to truly appreciate, to truly understand how shitty, how mindbogglingly craptacular IBM's UI team is. Are you ready?\n\nOkay, I hope you aren't drinking anything:\n\n\n\nNo, you aren't hallucinating. \"Open Selected Item...\" is....THE COPYRIGHT SYMBOL!!!\n\nI...I...I have no words for that. Maybe someone in UI design? Nadyne? Someone? Why....HOW....HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN!!!!!!! SOMEONE FUCKING TELL ME, RIGHT NOW, HOW THE FUCK DOES THE COPYRIGHT SYMBOL BECOME A KEYBOARD SHORT CUT? Is it font-dependent? I mean, the problems with this...I may have finally found the one thing that could fill up a ZFS file system...all the possible issues with all the UI fuckups in Lotus Notes. It's like looking into a cave and realizing you've found, at last, the source for all stupidity in the universe. The scary thing? That actually works. Fucking option-g is open selected item. Sonofabitch!\n\n(maybe they win points for being completely fucking stupid but functional completely fucking stupid?)\n\nOh, and note how in the New submenu, it's \"Command+M\" and in the Open submenu, it's the command symbol. Oh, now I clicked on something somewhere, and it's the command symbol everywhere. WTF? Man, this beats Office 2000's magical changing menus ALL to hell.\n\n(This is going to get random here, the stupid is coming too fast to be coherent. Yes, I know there are gobs of UI fuckups I'm missing. I'm only one man, desperately hanging on to my sanity here.)\n\nWhy does \"Dock the Open List\" create a vertical toolbar from nothing? Shouldn't there have been something to dock? Why does Notes use its own web browser, instead of just shelling out to my default browser when I click the button? (This is in the prefs, but why isn't the default normal OS behavior?)\n\nAh, how to really tell something is a shit Eclipse/Java application: Look at the prefs. Regardless of application fugly, the prefs always look the same in that world:\n\n\nIt's just as stupid in here. There's an option for \"Right double-click closes window\". Why do I need that? Why does ANYONE need that? \"Retain View column sorting\" is something that can be disabled? What, people like setting up their window every time they launch the application? \n\n\"Strict Date/Time Input\"? What, does IBM send a dominatrix to spank me if I use military date formatting?\n\nWhy is it that when I click on Contacts, I get this?\n\n\n\nI'm READING EMAIL. How the FUCK do I not have a mail file specified? Furthermore, when I exit the prefs and go to File->Locations->Manage Locations... like the dialog tells me to, (badly mind you, there's nothing there that indicates they mean the File menu and submenus. Jesus, how hard is it to type \"Go to the File Menu, and use Locations -> Manage Locations to set your mail file), I END UP BACK IN THE FUCKING PREFERENCES, WHERE I JUST WAS, I HAVE A LOCATION SELECTED! What the fuck is wrong with that? Even better, I HAVE A MAIL FILE. Right there. imap7812.nsf. So how the fuck do I not have a mail file specified, when clearly, I have a very specified mail file? Jesus Fucking Christ, WHO THE FUCK APPROVED THIS? Hobos are funny, but don't let them DESIGN YOUR PRODUCT.\n\nWhat do I see in the preferences when I click on, you know, Mail?\n\nI see this:\n\n\n\nI mean really, what kind of fucking idiot would think that a section in Preferences labeled \"Mail\" would be there to set Mail Preferences? Pfft, users.\n\nOh, but you can set Mail Internet, Sending and Receiving prefs there. See? Logical!\n\nNow, most people would think that \"Notes Ports\" is where you edit say, the port that IMAP/SMTP/etc. use. Of course, that would be fucking stupid to assume. No, this is where you select your communications protocol. As in \"TCP/IP\". What, you think I'm fucking joking? HA!\n\n\nSucker, I have to take screenshots of this shit, no one would believe me otherwise.\n\nOh, and why would the online help index BEFORE you use it? Pfft....user convenience. As if THAT matters.\n\nI still haven't figured out how to do three-pane view, something dead simple in every email client that supports it. Oh, here's the help entry on it. Now, look at the screenshot, and read that first task very carefully, and the first bullet point answer for it:\n\n\n\nHere, let me quote it specifically: \n

On the menu bar, click View > Preview Pane > Show Preview

\n\nYou mean here?\n\n\n\nThat's in the mail view by the way. The way you do it is to drag the border up from the bottom of the message list. Of course, even after you do this, you still can't find the Preview Pane option in the menu.\n\nSo not only is the UI shit, but the help fucking LIES TO YOU.\n\nOh fuck this, I'm done. I can't take any more of this shitfest, and I think I've shown that Notes is still a program that only the most evil, despicable, soulless cocksucker of an IT person would inflict on end users. I bet if you said \"You can use Lotus Notes, or set yourself on fire in the main conference room\", you'd have a fucking LINE of people with gas cans and Zippos.\n\nSo see? No matter how fucked up UI from Adobe, Apple, Microsoft, or anyone else is, it's still better than Notes.\n\nOh, and Vaughan Rivett? Notes still sucks rancid donkey cock.