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Yet people wonder why I'm a misanthrope

The Angry Drunk has a great bit on the latest level of OMGSTEVEJOBSHEALTH insanity. But, since I'm never one to leave my soul brother as the only voice of reason...

So now, let's get this straight:

Gizmodo, a site best known for inane stories on Bedazzled USB Bracelets, reports a "rumor" from a source that has, in their words:

repeatedly been 100% correct before. Those times, however, were always related to news and images of unreleased Apple products.

This person is now their source for details on Steve Jobs' health? Oh, and even though it's under the tag "rumors", (aka: BULLSHIT), they make sure to include this bit:

While Steve Jobs' health is nobody's business—not the press, not investors, not the public—we believe that there's a line between saying "no-comment" and plainly misleading—once again—the public.

Just so, you know, that the correct mindset is that Apple lies all the time, and Gizmodo never lies, and their source is perfectly reliable.

Gizmodo is telling us this. From a source that is reliable about unreleased product, because that of course, gives them access to Steve's current health status. This of course is complete bullshit, as anyone with a brain...okay, right, the internet. Let me explain something, take it for what it's worth.

In a company like Apple, there are going to be a lot of people who will see every.single.product before it is released, and never talk to Steve at-fucking-all. QA comes to mind. Testing. Not the VPs, but the Fucking New Guy, (FNG). That's right folks, if you're the FNG in the right department, you'll see every fucking goodie that Apple releases, and quite a few they decide against for various reasons, but it doesn't mean you're BEST FRIENDS WITH STEVE FUCKING JOBS.

To have one equal the other is a huge logical leap. The kind you'd make if you were the only straight guy at a nude, gay, leapfrog tournament.

But, because it's the internet, and because people are fucking stupid, and would rather eat flaming dogshit than think for themselves, we have, the creme de la creme on this flaming mound of stupid.

What's the source?

There can be only one:

SCOBLE

Of course. What's Scoble do? Does he talk to oncologists who specialize in this field for valid medical information on Steve's condition, at least generically?

No.

Does he try to talk to actual friends of Steve Jobs?

No.

He talks to the people who work in a yogurt shop that Jobs goes to a lot, and asks them. No. Really. His source is...a yogurt shop worker. I am not making this up:

“I'm in Palo Alto. Just had yogurt at shop that Steve Jobs eats at frequently. They said he was in a couple of days ago and is in great health.”

However, "Scoop" ain't done there. He'll go to the next place where you are guaranteed to get a good, qualified analysis of a cancer survivor's health:

Now I'm hanging out in the Apple store where Jobs shows up frequently. Will let you know if I learn anything.

I think we all want to know if Scoble learns anything, because that would be bigger news. In fact, Robert Scoble actually learning something would be A FUCKING MIRACLE.

But aside from the impossibility of Scoble learning anything, let's get this straight:

First, the intarweb is getting the fucking vapors because an anonymous source in a gadget blog says the real reason Apple is pulling out of Macworld is because Steve's too sick to go and bullshit for two hours.

Secondly, the counterstory, for which our leading source is the high New Media Douchebag himself, Robert Fucking Scoble quoting A FUCKING FAST FOOD WORKER IN A YOGURT SHOP!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS FUCKING WORLD WHERE THIS KIND OF SHIT IS TAKEN SERIOUSLY?

We have all lost our fucking minds.

That's the only explanation. The fucking stupid levels on the internet finally got so high that they went supercritical, and we have all become a nation of COMPLETE FUCKING DUMBASSES.

You want proof of evolution? Fuck Science, Fuck Darwin...this bullshit shows how we are all descended from fucking monkeys, and we're still good for nothing but jacking off with one hand and throwing feces with the other. When GIZMODO and A FAST FOOD WORKER are now considered viable sources for anything but TOYS AND YOGURT, we are not circling the bowl, we're doing the backstroke in the sewers with all the other turds, waiting for the giant alligators to finish the job.

Right now, we'd have to work for eons to become a nation of incompetents.

Technorati Tags:
Apple, Blogosphere = Dorkosphere, Blogosphere = Stupid, Le Scoble, New Media Douchebags, Robert Scoble, The Mac Web: It's full of stupid stars, Uproaring Bowels, WTF?

Categories: Mac Matters

Posted by John C. Welch at 11:14 | Permalink

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The Angry Drunk has a great bit on the latest level of OMGSTEVEJOBSHEALTH insanity. But, since I'm never one to leave my soul brother as the only voice of reason...\n\nSo now, let's get this straight:\n\nGizmodo, a site best known for inane stories on Bedazzled USB Bracelets, reports a \"rumor\" from a source that has, in their words:\n

repeatedly been 100% correct before. Those times, however, were always related to news and images of unreleased Apple products.

\nThis person is now their source for details on Steve Jobs' health? Oh, and even though it's under the tag \"rumors\", (aka: BULLSHIT), they make sure to include this bit:\n

While Steve Jobs' health is nobody's business—not the press, not investors, not the public—we believe that there's a line between saying \"no-comment\" and plainly misleading—once again—the public.

\nJust so, you know, that the correct mindset is that Apple lies all the time, and Gizmodo never lies, and their source is perfectly reliable.\n\nGizmodo is telling us this. From a source that is reliable about unreleased product, because that of course, gives them access to Steve's current health status. This of course is complete bullshit, as anyone with a brain...okay, right, the internet. Let me explain something, take it for what it's worth.\n\nIn a company like Apple, there are going to be a lot of people who will see every.single.product before it is released, and never talk to Steve at-fucking-all. QA comes to mind. Testing. Not the VPs, but the Fucking New Guy, (FNG). That's right folks, if you're the FNG in the right department, you'll see every fucking goodie that Apple releases, and quite a few they decide against for various reasons, but it doesn't mean you're BEST FRIENDS WITH STEVE FUCKING JOBS.\n\nTo have one equal the other is a huge logical leap. The kind you'd make if you were the only straight guy at a nude, gay, leapfrog tournament.\n\nBut, because it's the internet, and because people are fucking stupid, and would rather eat flaming dogshit than think for themselves, we have, the creme de la creme on this flaming mound of stupid.\n\nWhat's the source?\n\nThere can be only one:\n\nSCOBLE\n\nOf course. What's Scoble do? Does he talk to oncologists who specialize in this field for valid medical information on Steve's condition, at least generically?\n\nNo.\n\nDoes he try to talk to actual friends of Steve Jobs?\n\nNo.\n\nHe talks to the people who work in a yogurt shop that Jobs goes to a lot, and asks them. No. Really. His source is...a yogurt shop worker. I am not making this up:\n

“I'm in Palo Alto. Just had yogurt at shop that Steve Jobs eats at frequently. They said he was in a couple of days ago and is in great health.”

\nHowever, \"Scoop\" ain't done there. He'll go to the next place where you are guaranteed to get a good, qualified analysis of a cancer survivor's health:\n

Now I'm hanging out in the Apple store where Jobs shows up frequently. Will let you know if I learn anything.

\nI think we all want to know if Scoble learns anything, because that would be bigger news. In fact, Robert Scoble actually learning something would be A FUCKING MIRACLE.\n\nBut aside from the impossibility of Scoble learning anything, let's get this straight:\n\nFirst, the intarweb is getting the fucking vapors because an anonymous source in a gadget blog says the real reason Apple is pulling out of Macworld is because Steve's too sick to go and bullshit for two hours. \n\nSecondly, the counterstory, for which our leading source is the high New Media Douchebag himself, Robert Fucking Scoble quoting A FUCKING FAST FOOD WORKER IN A YOGURT SHOP!\n\nWHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS FUCKING WORLD WHERE THIS KIND OF SHIT IS TAKEN SERIOUSLY?\n\nWe have all lost our fucking minds. \n\nThat's the only explanation. The fucking stupid levels on the internet finally got so high that they went supercritical, and we have all become a nation of COMPLETE FUCKING DUMBASSES.\n\nYou want proof of evolution? Fuck Science, Fuck Darwin...this bullshit shows how we are all descended from fucking monkeys, and we're still good for nothing but jacking off with one hand and throwing feces with the other. When GIZMODO and A FAST FOOD WORKER are now considered viable sources for anything but TOYS AND YOGURT, we are not circling the bowl, we're doing the backstroke in the sewers with all the other turds, waiting for the giant alligators to finish the job.\n\nRight now, we'd have to work for eons to become a nation of incompetents.\n\n\n

Technorati Tags:\nApple, Blogosphere = Dorkosphere, Blogosphere = Stupid, Le Scoble, New Media Douchebags, Robert Scoble, The Mac Web: It's full of stupid stars, Uproaring Bowels, WTF?\n