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A late report on Con*stellation

So last weekend, Melissa, Alex and I drove up to Huntsville for Con*stellation XXVII

The reason for going to a wee Con in Alabama? Two actually, namely the Guest of Honor, Diane Duane, and her husband, special Guest Peter Morwood.

So yeah, I drove 6 hours to spend a weekend as a fanboy. But, I got to meet my favorite author, her husband, who is a heck of an author in his own right, and whose work I must now commence to reading. I also was able to hear Mike Resnick, and his daughter Laura Resnick, both noted sci-fi authors, and both of whom were smart, funny, and convinced me to start reading their work too. (To authors: Go meet people. Even if they don't know who you are, if they enjoy meeting you, that's a good way for them to devote space to your work) If any fans of Mike or Laura are reading, some recommendations on good places to start would be appreciated.

Now, seeing as this is the third con I've ever been too, and is rather the opposite of DragonCon in every way, I wanted to talk about about this as a n00b. First, I'm not much of a Con "type". I don't much like hard core fans of anything. Yes, I admit to being a huge fan of various authors and writers, but I do try to not be OMGOMG about it. Enthusiasm is great, but dude, you've hairy legs, STOP DRESSING LIKE SAILOR MOON.

DragonCon is huge. It's probably nearly as big as Macworld Conference & Expo, and in truth, needs a bigger venue. That four hotels shit blows. If you aren't there to meet an author or someone specific, and just want to go to a con, it's a good one. There are a ton of sessions that are, at the end of the day, far more interesting than the "show floor". The ones I attended, on laptops and Customs/Border Patrol, the Evolution "argument" and a webcomic panel were all attended by people who were smart, asked good questions, and were, you know, smart and well-behaved. The panels were enjoyable enough that I am now planning on attending DragonCon next year, and spending FAR more time in the panels, because they were so much fun.

The show floor was...well, it's not, really. If you're thinking of Macworld, stop. They're nothing alike other than both being conventions. Dragon Con's "floor" were random artist booths, and areas where you could buy shit. Melissa got to meet and chat with one of the people who got her to start being an artist, Larry Elmore, who was as pleasant as can be. (Of course, when you have hot, scantily-lad women lining up to hug up on you and take pictures with you, it's kind of hard to be in a bad mood.)

The rest of the sales areas...well, I'm not the target audience. Not even a little. So, I'll just say that the layout of such things leaves a lot to be desired from a walking around standpoint, and there's some stuff I missed, because it was in some damned dark corner, and I didn't feel like wading through the crowds. Folks, you can't just plop shit down, you gotta think about the placement. Yes, I know, hotels are not ideal for this. Think about moving.

Anne McCaffery was there, but honestly, the line to see her was ridiculous, and there was no chance of being able to say more than "thank you for the autograph", so meh, why bother?

Yes, there were costumes. Some good ones, some bad ones, and some ones that made me wish for someone to jab pointy things into my eyes. But not too many of those. There was a lot of tits though. Including one glorious set, I'd say, a 36DD pair that were covered by naught but body paint. Ah, I love having a wife who has to look at naked men all the livelong day as part of her work. The "I get to look at hot naked women at the Con" benefits are not inconsequential. Nor were this woman's boobs. Very nice. She wasn't the only hot woman in barely-there clothing. To them, I say "Don't ever change. Unless it's to just go totally naked."

Honestly, the only downside of DragonCon was the "paid autograph room". Folks, this was just weird, and I most likely would have ignored it except that Avery Brooks, of "Deep Space Nine" and "Spenser: For Hire" was there, and I really love the man's work. I was really excited to meet him up until the moment I paid for his autograph. At that point, that precise moment, I was no longer meeting someone whose work I admired. I was buying stuff. It wasn't that I no longer had anything to say to him, but rather that I no longer cared if I did. I said hi, picked the picture I wanted him to sign, said some standard platitude, and moved on so that the next customer in line could check out.

You know, I get that there may be valid reasons for this concept, but I don't care. I know it's the last one I'm doing, because now, if I do get a chance to actually meet Avery Brooks in a less commercial way, it will be like "Hey, I bought your autograph once". I mean, I may as well pretend it never happened, because there's nothing memorable there. I haven't even thought much about getting the picture framed. It's just something I bought, nothing special. I don't mind paying for stuff, I've paid extra for signed books from authors I admire. But that's somehow different, and I can't quite explain why.

Con*stellation on the other hand, was tiny. Maybe half of a small Holiday Inn Express. Full of NASA geeks. (Duh, HUNTSVILLE!) Only one or two disturbing costumes. No paid autographs. A few sessions, almost no structure. A couple room parties. But in many ways, it was much better, and I'm really glad that Diane and Peter were there instead of Dragon*Con. For one, I got to spend quite a bit of time talking to Peter. Honestly, given the chance, we both would have talked until one of us fell over. As Peter likes to say: "my Mum used to describe it as "being vaccinated with a gramophone needle..."" He's Irish, funny as hell, speaks quite a few languages, and has a deep, abiding love for the history of various pointy things humans like to stick in each other when we're in a bad mood. I'm serious about the funny. His stories about how odd a place Switzerland can be were screamingly funny, especially with bon mots like "I'm from Northern Ireland, I don't do well with unannounced gunfire!".

I was also able to spend quite a bit of time talking to Diane, who, although having lived in Ireland for decades, still has a solid New York accent, and while happily leaving the story-telling to Peter on a regular basis, is (unsurprisingly) able to keep up when she wishes. (Singing "The Star-Spangled Banner" in a bar in Switzerland, while a group of very drunk Swiss military sang tenor harmony above her. The fact the Swiss tenors were in full uniform...and tutus...doesn't hurt the story at all.)

Oh, one note. Folks, when you are hosting people from Ireland...I know it is hard, in America, to get them beer of the quality they can get from their local store. But for the love of $DEITY$, not Coor's Light! Nor Bud Light! I mean, AMERICANS can't get a good buzz on that. It's like sex in a canoe, fucking close to water. Yes, it is indeed a wonderful, kind gesture, but damn, at least stock up Sam Adams. I felt bad enough for Peter that on Sat. night, I jogged over to the corner convenience store, and got a six-pack of Sam for us to split.

We all had a wonderful time at Con*stellation, (I have to say this...the folks behind it were relentless with the free, cooked on-site meals. I mean, quality food, just fucking excellent. That was amazing, really), and I think had it been a "big" con, it wouldn't have been as much fun. I don't think there would have been the chance to talk with the guests, (and whomever it was I was talking to who was a noted Sci-Fi author and the author of a well-received book on HIPAA...dude, I still feel your pain in how weird that must be for you...and I really wish I remembered your name so I could buy some of your non-regulatory work. Seriously, he was telling me how he'll be at a Con and get introduced as the author of a best-selling book on HIPAA. Awkwarrrrd. Thanks to my wife, I now have his name: Allan Gilbreath) I probably still would have gotten the books I brought to be signed, but I doubt I'd have had the chance to talk about how fucked up Switzerland's reputation as a place with chocolate and clocks is, when compared to the reality that it's a heavily armed country in the Alps, and others respect its neutrality, because invading Switzerland is like feeding your army to a giant wood-chipper.

In the end, the low-key atmosphere of Con*stellation made it more worthwhile for me. Now, would I have gone had Diane and Peter not been there? No, I freely admit to having a single purpose in going. But it's nice to have a really good time, and meet people without having to pay thirty bucks just to get an autograph.

Oh, and if either Diane or Peter ever want to come to Macworld, I will do my best to make sure they are not inflicted with Coor's. Some things just ain't right.

Categories: Other

Posted by John C. Welch at 19:16 | Permalink

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So last weekend, Melissa, Alex and I drove up to Huntsville for Con*stellation XXVII\n\nThe reason for going to a wee Con in Alabama? Two actually, namely the Guest of Honor, Diane Duane, and her husband, special Guest Peter Morwood.\n\nSo yeah, I drove 6 hours to spend a weekend as a fanboy. But, I got to meet my favorite author, her husband, who is a heck of an author in his own right, and whose work I must now commence to reading. I also was able to hear Mike Resnick, and his daughter Laura Resnick, both noted sci-fi authors, and both of whom were smart, funny, and convinced me to start reading their work too. (To authors: Go meet people. Even if they don't know who you are, if they enjoy meeting you, that's a good way for them to devote space to your work) If any fans of Mike or Laura are reading, some recommendations on good places to start would be appreciated.\n\nNow, seeing as this is the third con I've ever been too, and is rather the opposite of DragonCon in every way, I wanted to talk about about this as a n00b. First, I'm not much of a Con \"type\". I don't much like hard core fans of anything. Yes, I admit to being a huge fan of various authors and writers, but I do try to not be OMGOMG about it. Enthusiasm is great, but dude, you've hairy legs, STOP DRESSING LIKE SAILOR MOON. \n\nDragonCon is huge. It's probably nearly as big as Macworld Conference & Expo, and in truth, needs a bigger venue. That four hotels shit blows. If you aren't there to meet an author or someone specific, and just want to go to a con, it's a good one. There are a ton of sessions that are, at the end of the day, far more interesting than the \"show floor\". The ones I attended, on laptops and Customs/Border Patrol, the Evolution \"argument\" and a webcomic panel were all attended by people who were smart, asked good questions, and were, you know, smart and well-behaved. The panels were enjoyable enough that I am now planning on attending DragonCon next year, and spending FAR more time in the panels, because they were so much fun.\n\nThe show floor was...well, it's not, really. If you're thinking of Macworld, stop. They're nothing alike other than both being conventions. Dragon Con's \"floor\" were random artist booths, and areas where you could buy shit. Melissa got to meet and chat with one of the people who got her to start being an artist, Larry Elmore, who was as pleasant as can be. (Of course, when you have hot, scantily-lad women lining up to hug up on you and take pictures with you, it's kind of hard to be in a bad mood.)\n\nThe rest of the sales areas...well, I'm not the target audience. Not even a little. So, I'll just say that the layout of such things leaves a lot to be desired from a walking around standpoint, and there's some stuff I missed, because it was in some damned dark corner, and I didn't feel like wading through the crowds. Folks, you can't just plop shit down, you gotta think about the placement. Yes, I know, hotels are not ideal for this. Think about moving.\n\nAnne McCaffery was there, but honestly, the line to see her was ridiculous, and there was no chance of being able to say more than \"thank you for the autograph\", so meh, why bother?\n\nYes, there were costumes. Some good ones, some bad ones, and some ones that made me wish for someone to jab pointy things into my eyes. But not too many of those. There was a lot of tits though. Including one glorious set, I'd say, a 36DD pair that were covered by naught but body paint. Ah, I love having a wife who has to look at naked men all the livelong day as part of her work. The \"I get to look at hot naked women at the Con\" benefits are not inconsequential. Nor were this woman's boobs. Very nice. She wasn't the only hot woman in barely-there clothing. To them, I say \"Don't ever change. Unless it's to just go totally naked.\"\n\nHonestly, the only downside of DragonCon was the \"paid autograph room\". Folks, this was just weird, and I most likely would have ignored it except that Avery Brooks, of \"Deep Space Nine\" and \"Spenser: For Hire\" was there, and I really love the man's work. I was really excited to meet him up until the moment I paid for his autograph. At that point, that precise moment, I was no longer meeting someone whose work I admired. I was buying stuff. It wasn't that I no longer had anything to say to him, but rather that I no longer cared if I did. I said hi, picked the picture I wanted him to sign, said some standard platitude, and moved on so that the next customer in line could check out.\n\nYou know, I get that there may be valid reasons for this concept, but I don't care. I know it's the last one I'm doing, because now, if I do get a chance to actually meet Avery Brooks in a less commercial way, it will be like \"Hey, I bought your autograph once\". I mean, I may as well pretend it never happened, because there's nothing memorable there. I haven't even thought much about getting the picture framed. It's just something I bought, nothing special. I don't mind paying for stuff, I've paid extra for signed books from authors I admire. But that's somehow different, and I can't quite explain why.\n\nCon*stellation on the other hand, was tiny. Maybe half of a small Holiday Inn Express. Full of NASA geeks. (Duh, HUNTSVILLE!) Only one or two disturbing costumes. No paid autographs. A few sessions, almost no structure. A couple room parties. But in many ways, it was much better, and I'm really glad that Diane and Peter were there instead of Dragon*Con. For one, I got to spend quite a bit of time talking to Peter. Honestly, given the chance, we both would have talked until one of us fell over. As Peter likes to say: \"my Mum used to describe it as \"being vaccinated with a gramophone needle...\"\" He's Irish, funny as hell, speaks quite a few languages, and has a deep, abiding love for the history of various pointy things humans like to stick in each other when we're in a bad mood. I'm serious about the funny. His stories about how odd a place Switzerland can be were screamingly funny, especially with bon mots like \"I'm from Northern Ireland, I don't do well with unannounced gunfire!\". \n\nI was also able to spend quite a bit of time talking to Diane, who, although having lived in Ireland for decades, still has a solid New York accent, and while happily leaving the story-telling to Peter on a regular basis, is (unsurprisingly) able to keep up when she wishes. (Singing \"The Star-Spangled Banner\" in a bar in Switzerland, while a group of very drunk Swiss military sang tenor harmony above her. The fact the Swiss tenors were in full uniform...and tutus...doesn't hurt the story at all.)\n\nOh, one note. Folks, when you are hosting people from Ireland...I know it is hard, in America, to get them beer of the quality they can get from their local store. But for the love of \$DEITY\$, not Coor's Light! Nor Bud Light! I mean, AMERICANS can't get a good buzz on that. It's like sex in a canoe, fucking close to water. Yes, it is indeed a wonderful, kind gesture, but damn, at least stock up Sam Adams. I felt bad enough for Peter that on Sat. night, I jogged over to the corner convenience store, and got a six-pack of Sam for us to split. \n\nWe all had a wonderful time at Con*stellation, (I have to say this...the folks behind it were relentless with the free, cooked on-site meals. I mean, quality food, just fucking excellent. That was amazing, really), and I think had it been a \"big\" con, it wouldn't have been as much fun. I don't think there would have been the chance to talk with the guests, (and whomever it was I was talking to who was a noted Sci-Fi author and the author of a well-received book on HIPAA...dude, I still feel your pain in how weird that must be for you...and I really wish I remembered your name so I could buy some of your non-regulatory work. Seriously, he was telling me how he'll be at a Con and get introduced as the author of a best-selling book on HIPAA. Awkwarrrrd. Thanks to my wife, I now have his name: Allan Gilbreath) I probably still would have gotten the books I brought to be signed, but I doubt I'd have had the chance to talk about how fucked up Switzerland's reputation as a place with chocolate and clocks is, when compared to the reality that it's a heavily armed country in the Alps, and others respect its neutrality, because invading Switzerland is like feeding your army to a giant wood-chipper.\n\nIn the end, the low-key atmosphere of Con*stellation made it more worthwhile for me. Now, would I have gone had Diane and Peter not been there? No, I freely admit to having a single purpose in going. But it's nice to have a really good time, and meet people without having to pay thirty bucks just to get an autograph. \n\nOh, and if either Diane or Peter ever want to come to Macworld, I will do my best to make sure they are not inflicted with Coor's. Some things just ain't right.