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My arm's getting tired...

...from beating on Adobe. But goddamnit, they keep giving me new, unbruised body parts to work with!

Today's edition: Sneaking applications onto user systems, and then not updating them is fucking stupid!

So kids, did you know what kindly Uncle Adobe does for you when you install Adobe Bridge CS3? Why, he knows that we all love that web stuff, so he makes sure we have the best web framework/renderer out there on both Windows and the Mac.

You mean the IE renderer on Windows and Webkit on the Mac?

Oh silly children, of course not. Remember Uncle Adobe's first and most important rule?

Macs are for dirty fucking patchouli-soaked hippies and only stupid loser scumbags with no hope of a real job or future use them?

You did remember. Okay, now what's Uncle Adobe's second rule?

Everything must be exactly the same!

That's right kids, everything must be exactly the same. So if Uncle Adobe used IE on Windows and Webkit on the Mac, would that be exactly the same? Why of course not! So what should Uncle Adobe do to prevent that terrible, terrible problem?

He could use Webkit! It's open source, lightweight and cross-platform!

Stupid brat, Webkit's an Apple technology! There's no fucking way I'm going to sully my glorious creation with some fucking Mactard code. Where's my fucking woodchipper!

Okay Uncle Adobe, we get the point, here, have the nice purple pills. There we go. No kids, the only option for Uncle Adobe is to use Opera, and bundle the entire application into Bridge. I know, I know, some bad, evil IT people care about what applications get installed on their system, but they're just stupid and uncreative, so we don't care about them.

It's far more important that Uncle Adobe gets to preserve the necessary sameness, just like the beautiful future shown in that wonderful story, "Harrison Bergeron".

Oh sure, the version Adobe hides inside of Bridge is the complete application, but so what? What if you need a web browser? Isn't it nice to know you don't have to live by the random whims of the OS vendor, who might include a browser that isn't exactly the same on all platforms? It's a feature!

But what about keeping Opera up to date with security patches?

Huh? Who let the fucking IT person in? psst! harry! get the taser!

Why, there's no worry about that. The version we include with Bridge in CS3 is 9.20, and that was the last version of Opera ever made, because it was perfect in every way.

OW! Stupid fucker, I'll shove that taser up your ass next time. Bullshit, Opera 9.20 came out over eight months ago, and since then, Opera's had 9 releases, including a major 9.5 release. These include over 30 separate security updates. You're completely full of shit here, and may be compromising your customer's systems, so who the fuck is taking responsibility for keeping your stealth application install up to date?

Well, you're the IT person, go do something besides hassling poor Uncle Adobe, hmm?

What? Why you good-for-nothing sonofabitch, here, gimme that Taser you fuckwit. There, now let me share some of the fucking pain that your fucking company inflicts on its customers with you.

ZAAAAAAP!!!

RUN YOU FUCKERS! RUN LIKE A FUCKING KENTUCKY CHICKEN!!!

Fucking hell. A full, complete, unpatched, unupdated, stealth install of Opera in CS3 Bridge. Who the fuck thinks stupid shit like that is a good idea?

Technorati Tags:
Adobe Can Kiss My Ass, Adobe: Simplicity is our enemy, TEH STOOPUD

Categories: Other

Posted by John C. Welch at 11:43 | Permalink

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...from beating on Adobe. But goddamnit, they keep giving me new, unbruised body parts to work with! \n\nToday's edition: Sneaking applications onto user systems, and then not updating them is fucking stupid!\n\nSo kids, did you know what kindly Uncle Adobe does for you when you install Adobe Bridge CS3? Why, he knows that we all love that web stuff, so he makes sure we have the best web framework/renderer out there on both Windows and the Mac. \n\nYou mean the IE renderer on Windows and Webkit on the Mac?\n\nOh silly children, of course not. Remember Uncle Adobe's first and most important rule?\n\nMacs are for dirty fucking patchouli-soaked hippies and only stupid loser scumbags with no hope of a real job or future use them?\n\nYou did remember. Okay, now what's Uncle Adobe's second rule?\n\nEverything must be exactly the same!\n\nThat's right kids, everything must be exactly the same. So if Uncle Adobe used IE on Windows and Webkit on the Mac, would that be exactly the same? Why of course not! So what should Uncle Adobe do to prevent that terrible, terrible problem?\n\nHe could use Webkit! It's open source, lightweight and cross-platform!\n\nStupid brat, Webkit's an Apple technology! There's no fucking way I'm going to sully my glorious creation with some fucking Mactard code. Where's my fucking woodchipper!\n\nOkay Uncle Adobe, we get the point, here, have the nice purple pills. There we go. No kids, the only option for Uncle Adobe is to use Opera, and bundle the entire application into Bridge. I know, I know, some bad, evil IT people care about what applications get installed on their system, but they're just stupid and uncreative, so we don't care about them. \n\nIt's far more important that Uncle Adobe gets to preserve the necessary sameness, just like the beautiful future shown in that wonderful story, \"Harrison Bergeron\".\n\nOh sure, the version Adobe hides inside of Bridge is the complete application, but so what? What if you need a web browser? Isn't it nice to know you don't have to live by the random whims of the OS vendor, who might include a browser that isn't exactly the same on all platforms? It's a feature!\n\nBut what about keeping Opera up to date with security patches?\n\nHuh? Who let the fucking IT person in? psst! harry! get the taser!\n\nWhy, there's no worry about that. The version we include with Bridge in CS3 is 9.20, and that was the last version of Opera ever made, because it was perfect in every way.\n\nOW! Stupid fucker, I'll shove that taser up your ass next time. Bullshit, Opera 9.20 came out over eight months ago, and since then, Opera's had 9 releases, including a major 9.5 release. These include over 30 separate security updates. You're completely full of shit here, and may be compromising your customer's systems, so who the fuck is taking responsibility for keeping your stealth application install up to date?\n\nWell, you're the IT person, go do something besides hassling poor Uncle Adobe, hmm?\n\nWhat? Why you good-for-nothing sonofabitch, here, gimme that Taser you fuckwit. There, now let me share some of the fucking pain that your fucking company inflicts on its customers with you.\n\nZAAAAAAP!!!\n\nRUN YOU FUCKERS! RUN LIKE A FUCKING KENTUCKY CHICKEN!!!\n\nFucking hell. A full, complete, unpatched, unupdated, stealth install of Opera in CS3 Bridge. Who the fuck thinks stupid shit like that is a good idea?\n\n\n

Technorati Tags:\nAdobe Can Kiss My Ass, Adobe: Simplicity is our enemy, TEH STOOPUD\n