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<Scene: Steve Ballmer's office, some time ago>:
Door opens, a man's head peeks in. He's the manager for the XBox360 "Steve, got a minute?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"Well, we have the latest sales figures, and they look good. We're selling steadily in our core markets."
"Excellent news. Outselling the PS3?"
"Oh handily. The only real advantage they have is Blu-Ray, and it's not that big a deal. Most people think standard DVD is good enough, you can still get an upscaling player for less than a Blu-Ray player or a PS3, and there's not enough available Blu-Ray content to push a wide-scale switch."
"Hot damn! So much for Sony's vaunted long-range planning. How are game licenses?"
"Kicking ass Steve. We have some great games, and face it, Xbox Live! is something Sony just can't match. Guitar Hero, Rock Band, you name it, the XBox Live! integration is the feature that keeps us far ahead of them."
"I knew it! People want that kind of environment. It's good to be number one!"
"..."
"We are number one, right?"
"Well...that depends."
"What do you mean: "That depends"?"
"Well, in terms of game sales, and HD Console sales, we're kicking ass"
"That would imply there's an area we are not kicking ass in."
"Um...yeah. That would be a correct statemement."
"Wait, not the Wii. The Wii is still outselling us?"
"As a console? Yeah. Not games, but everyone's buying one. Grandmothers, housewives, people who we could never touch."
"What the fuck? We have better graphics, a better online platform, you name it, we have it better. HOW are they outselling us?"
"Well, it's still the same thing. Xbox Live is great, but that's still one person in a room by themselves. The Wii has that whole "have a party" vibe. And there's Mario."
"MARIO? How the fuck is that fat plumber kicking our ass?"
"Steve, people grew UP with Mario. Donkey Kong. Mario Brothers. Super Mario Brothers. Mario Kart. They've even got online play for Mario Kart"
"You're fucking kidding me. Tell me you're fucking kidding me that last year's graphics and a shitty kid's racing game are not the reason they're kicking Xbox ass!"
"Um. No. There's something else that's even more popular than Mario. It's selling like the Wii did when it was released."
"WHAT ELSE? What else does that two-bit schlockmeister of a company have? Every time someone says "Wii" my fucking aorta clenches up. So what is it? Tell me now, then drive a fucking SPIKE RIGHT THROUGH MY HEAD. Finish me off."
"Um...well..."
"Spit it out. What game is letting the fucking plumber kick my ass?"
"Well, it's not just a game...exactly. It's also new hardware."
"What? They got better graphics?"
"No, no. It's not that"
"Then what?"
"Fit"
"What?"
"The Wii Fit"
"What the FUCK is a Wii Fit?"
"It's a balance board and game that helps you exercise."
"What the HELL do you mean 'It helps you exercise'?"
"Yoga, strength training, balance games. Keeps track of your BMI and your weight. Helps you lose weight and get in shape."
"So let me get this straight...we have top-notch graphics."
"...Yes..."
"We have great sound."
"...Yes..."
"We have Xbox Live!"
"...yes..."
"We have the best set of games, including Halo-fucking-3, that every fucking gamer practically anally raped themselves over, and you're telling me that with all that, Nintendo, with shitty graphics and lamer sound is kicking our ass, because they came out with a game that lets every fat fucking housewife and grandparent stand on a boogie board in sweatpants and DO FUCKING YOGA!!!!!!"
".......yes.....pleasedon'tkillme...."
"Leave. Now."
"But..."
"Leave, or fuck the chair, I'm going to stuff my WHOLE FUCKING OFFICE UP YOUR FUCKING ASS WHILE I CONTEMPLATE WHY THE COMPANY THAT SELLS MORE SOFTWARE THAN EVERYONE ELSE COMBINED CAN'T DO SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE FIGURE OUT A WAY TO OUTSELL NIN-FUCKING-TENDO!!!! DON'T TALK, DON'T DO ANYTHING BUT LEAVE MY OFFICE, AND LET ME LIVE WITH THE FUCKING SHAME OF GETTING MY ASS BEAT BY VIRTUAL RICHARD FUCKING SIMMONS!!!!"
You just know that both Sony and Microsoft are sitting there thinking about the Fit, and wondering just what the hell is going on with the world when a yoga game is more popular than the latest GTA.
Technorati Tags:
Microsoft Xbox 360, Nintendo Wii
Posted by John C. Welch at 20:19 | Permalink
Comments
Didn't the PS3 pull ahead recently?
Tried searching, but numbers are contradictory. Typical.
Posted by:
sdf 
|
July 23, 2008 11:53 PM
It's popular for the only reason Apple is... MARKETING!
And the color white.
Posted by:
cthellis |
July 24, 2008 1:09 AM
Here is the June stats on gaming consoles in US:
Nintendo DS - 783,000 units
Wii - 666,700 units
PlayStation 3 - 405,500 units
PSP - 337,400 units
Xbox 360 - 219,800 units
PlayStation 2 - 188,800 units
Sony: PS3 + PSP + PS2 = 931,700 units
Nintendo: DS + Wii = 1,449,700 units is industry leader and is only one that is profitable
Microsoft: Xbox 360 + nothing = 219,800 is still losing money and is actually the poor step child in sales!
Sony having three related products that share games and connections is beating Xbox 360 as I told you it would. Sony has just launched TV show and Movie downloads with PS3 and will soon have streaming HD on ALL Sony TVs! They are improving their playstation.net to come closer to MS Xbox 360. Difference is Microsoft charges $15 a month and PS3 is FREE.
It is still quite hard to find an 80GB PS3 here on the east coast. While Xbox360 is readily available. Sony needs to fix this and then they would have sold quite a bit more units I think.
So who is winning the living room. Answer = nobody as Netflix, Amazon, Apple, TiVO, and several others are all streaming into the living room now while gaming is still a niche.
Posted by:
digiprod |
July 24, 2008 11:42 AM
Didja happen to see the "some time ago" bit? It's important.
As is the part that this is ALL MADE UP IN MY HEAD. As well, I don't really give a fuck how OMGCOOL the PS3 shit is, because you know what?
It's still the same shit as always. Sell to the gamers and tech freaks.
Whereas Nintendo is selling to um...EVERYONE. You may have noticed that "everyone" is bigger than "gamers and tech freaks". Shit, I don't have a Sony TV, they're overpriced. So what do I care about how cool the PS3 is going to be with a Sony TV?
The point is, Nintendo is, *still* kicking BOTH Sony and Microsoft ass with a fucking EXERCISE game that sells out shipments within hours of being opened in the stores, and has people lining up outside of stores to buy the damned thing.
Jesus..you talk about the tech bullshit, and miss the point, just like Sony and Microsoft.
Posted by:
John Welch |
July 24, 2008 12:51 PM
The bottom line is that Nintendo, just like Apple, is capable of understanding what the average consumer wants far better than Sony/Microsoft/etc. can. It's not "marketing" it's knowing your market, vast difference. The Wii has actually made "video games" popular with people who fought in World War II, think about that.
Posted by:
Angry Drunk |
July 24, 2008 12:53 PM
Yep. When I read about 70 year old women who, instead of playing canasta, now all bring their Wiimotes to each other's houses for "bowling day"...I knew they had won.
I have a PS3 mind you. It gets used...occasionally. The Wii? I'm amazed it hasn't melted. Especially since I got the Fit.
Nintendo figured out, people want to have fun, they maybe want to be kinda goofy about it, and if they happen to be able to drop a few pounds while having fun? Booyah!
Posted by:
John Welch |
July 24, 2008 12:57 PM
Re: Nintendo--Bill Gates used to like to joke that Microsoft was the second-largest software company in Redmond, Washington. Maybe Ballmer's sense of humor isn't quite as keen?
Posted by:
Gatesbasher |
July 24, 2008 7:02 PM
I caught the "some time ago" bit. My reason for pointing it out is that Microsoft hasn't even managed to hold on to second place.
Posted by:
sdf |
July 25, 2008 7:20 PM
