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Today was my first test for second degree black belt. I survived. That's saying something.

We, (my wife, Melissa, and my son, Alex came along) get to the gym where it's being held. (contrary to popular belief, this shit is never held in temples with angry statues looking on in disapproval. It's held in gymnasiums, parks, little studios in strip malls, wherever you can find the room. It's barely organized.) I see a hard, wood floor. "WOOHOO! I think, because I know this means no falling, and probably no throwing. A few times on a hard floor, no problem. A couple of hundred times, and people get hurt. Badly. So I'm feeling good.

I see my current instructor, who's testing for 4th-degree, and a student from my previous school. Okay, I'm feeling better. Familiar faces always help. I do my paperwork, chat with the grand master, and do some light warmups.

I've learned over the years that conservation of resources is critical here. The SHORTEST black-belt level test I've done is 2.5 hours. The longest? Five hours. You have to pace yourself, or you can't make it.

We all line up according to rank, and joy, because I wore the uniform I wore when I made black belt, and it has the little yellow fringe, I get to be in the front. Right in front of the grandmaster, and a local 5th degree, Kwang Jang Nym Jack Harvey. I like this. I first tested for Black Belt at headquarters in Houston in October. It was hot as hell, and two masters were trying to out-do each other for evil. They were reaching new heights. The grandmaster called a meeting of all masters, (Kwang Jang Nym, btw), and above, so then-4th degree/Sa Bum Nym Harvey took over. The first thing he did was tell us we could all get water, but we had to be very quiet about it. I've loved the man ever since.

The initial warmups are solid, but not too much. Then Kwang Jang Nym Harmon takes over. Barry Harmon, IIRC, the highest ranking non-Korean in Kuk Sool. First names here are important. His wife, Choon-Ok, is the highest ranking woman in Kuk Sool. Both are 8th degree black belts. Barry Harmon, I respect and admire a lot. Choon-Ok scares my bladder dry. I'm very glad the Harmon in charge is Barry.

First it's punching. Jabs, palm hands, combos, spear hands. Always a hundred. Each side. By the end of the test, we'll have done 1800 of them. In between, to "rest" I suppose, we do pushups, situps, and squats. 180 each in a couple hours. That sounds like a lot until you realize that some of the higher ranking masters do that every day. But it's not until the punches end that we start the forms...each one three times. The black belts get lucky, we stop at the last underblackbelt form. Then the techniques. Again, a lucky break for me, we have to do them sans partners. That's how I practice the most, so for this, I can just go about my normal routine. Some of the others get mindfucked by this, but no one gives up.

That is what it's all about. Not what you remember. If you're in a black belt test, it's assumed you know your shit. They test that, but that's not the point. Some people test well, others don't. What's really being tested here is will. Will you not stop. Will you lift legs that can barely stand so you can kick just a little higher. Will you do pushups on arms that are not happy with just hanging there. Will you give all you have, and then, when the inevitable next task comes, keep going? If you do, you pass. This time. I'll probably test another 6-9 times before I get that next black belt.

It's a weird state of reality you get in when you're pushing yourself like that. You stop thinking about later and before. All that matters is now. I could tell you what I did now that it's over, but during the time, in that moment, I couldn't tell you anything but what I was doing right then. You have to be in the moment during this, because thinking ahead or behind will fuck you up. I remember thinking most about breathing. Keeping it under control. Muscle fatigue is minor, you can work through that, or just ignore it. But if your breathing isn't right, then you fall apart and fast.

There's a tournament tomorrow, I probably won't compete, but I'll be there to help. Because that's the other part of this. Helping. The quiet "you're doing great"s that we all tell someone who's looking ragged. The encouragement we give each other to keep going. The look of "I can't give up, I'm not the youngest one standing". I've done tests where my partner was so wore out, he swore he was going to give up. I wouldn't let him, even though it meant I had to carry him through a lot of things. After all, martial arts is an odd sort of brotherhood, and so he ain't heavy...

Oh...no, I won't be getting promoted this time. This was only my first test. Talk to me in a year, maybe two. Then, maybe. I realize that this may surprise people who know me, or think they do, from mailing lists, et al. But then, this is my life. I just do IT to pay for this.

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Kuk Sool, Testing

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