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Prats on Parade

Today, it's Pat Phelan, who is all hurt and pissed off about mean old Apple sending just awful terms to their employees regarding the free iPhone they're about to get. How awful are they? Well, I hate to even post them, that's how shocking they are, but in the interests of accuracy:

“I accept this iPhone gift from Apple on the following understanding
1. I am free to use it myself give to a friend or family member but under no circumstances is the phone to be sold or unlocked
2. I understand that each iPhone can be uniquely identified and tracked via a unique iPhone identification
3. I understand that O2 have exclusive rights in Ireland and I undertake to utilize them as my iphone carrier
4. I understand that if I breach the above that I may be subject to disciplinary action”

Oh mah word, ah must set a spell, ah've got the vapors!

You know, it all looks like Pat may be vaguely upset over something like this because in his eyes, he sees this as truly wrong and heavy-handed. We'd like to think that, because that sounds almost noble. Sticking up for the working class and all that.

It's also a complete load of bullshit

Here's the real reason Pat's upset:

If I was to buy an iPhone in Ireland and didn’t want to get hit with the “Paddy Tax” here is what I might do.
I would pick up one from one of thousand sources especially Cork where there are going to be 1500 free iPhones given to Apple employee next week.
So imagine I have picked one up and I don’t want to be penalised every day I own it what might I do?
My first step would be to get it unlocked, I would head over to Ziphone and download the unlock application for free or I might also have a look at iClarified
So now I have an unlocked iPhone where would I go, possibly over to O2 for the following package.

He goes on to drone about using the iPhone on a different network.

So let's get this straight: Pat isn't being noble, he's not sticking up for the little guy. Pat's a whiny bitch who is carping because Apple screwed his plans to get an iPhone on the cheap or free. Basically, Pat, or from now on P(r)at, is an entitlement whore cockmonger who's pissed because now if he wants an iPhone, he has to pay for it like the rest of the masses.

Actually, I was wrong. It's not because Pat wanted a free iPhone, and couldn't get one that he could jailbreak. It's much worse. Pat's the CEO of MAXRoam. What does MAXRoam sell? Well, two things: A SIM card, and the service that goes with it. MAXRoam doesn't sell phones, at least not now, (There's some cloudiness about this that needs clearing up. Note: It looks like P(r)at finally got around to removing the pages that talked about Cubic Telecom selling phones. There's still a conflict of interest, it's just no longer two-pronged.) but they do partner with a company that provides an unlocking service. So what does this have to do with the iPhone? The MAXRoam FAQ gives us our answer:

What kind of mobile phone do I need?

Our service only works with Java enabled mobile phones that are capable of installing a SIM, and that use GSM networks.

To truely roam the globe, your phone must be at least tri-band, though quad-band phones are recomended for full global coverage.

So according to this, every iPhone sold is a customer that P(r)at's company can't make money off of. Assuming the Java requirement is correct, if you have an iPhone, Pat can't make money off of you.

Can you say "Clear conflict of interest"? I knew you could. It's in Pat's interest, his businesse's interest, and his bank account's interest to make the iPhone seem as unpalatable as possible to Irish customers, because that way, his company can make money off of them. In fact, for all his posturing about being "...a telecoms disruptor and a champion of the underdog against the ruling telecomms companies.", he is in fact, in the same business as "the ruling telecomms companies" and fighting them because if he doesn't get people to not use their service, then they won't use his. I have no doubt that Pat is a hell of a businessman, and makes a lot of money in his profession, but don't for a minute buy his bullshit about watching out for the little guy. What he's watching out for are more ways of getting the little guy's money into his pocket instead of someone elses.

P(r)at Phelan: Whiny Bitch, and hypocrite.

Technorati Tags:
Blogosphere = Dorkosphere, iPhoneTards

Posted by John C. Welch at 08:29 | Permalink

Comments

Very well said ....... i will take a free iPhone and use any provider i am asked to use.

Posted by: Keith robinson | March 28, 2008 10:43 AM

John

You're waaaaaaaayyyyyy off the mark on this one. Pat's just flagging up the free iPhones to Apple employees without comment. His beef is with O2, who have the exclusive rights for the iPhone in Ireland, not with Apple.

Here in Ireland, we have possibly the shittiest tariff plan of any iPhone market. Compare what an iPhone user gets in Dublin with O2 Ireland, with what an iPhone user gets across the border in Belfast with O2 UK:

Basic Tarriff: €45 (IE) £35 (UK) (roughly the same)
Minutes: 175 (IE) 600 (UK)
Texts: 100 (IE) 500 (UK)
Data: 1GB (IE) unlimited (UK)
Visual voicemail: not supported (IE) available (UK)

Would iPhone users in the US accept a tariff similar to the Irish one? I doubt it somehow. In fact I'm surprised that Apple didn't tell O2 to stop being such greedy fucks, as their greed is going to have an impact on potential sales of the iPhone in Ireland.

Posted by: GerryOS | March 28, 2008 1:29 PM

Oh, and I forgot to mention the price of the phones themselves:

8GB: €399 (IE) £269 (UK) about €340
16GB: €499 (IE) £329 (UK) about €415

Posted by: GerryOS | March 28, 2008 2:09 PM

Gerry,

The issues, good or ill, with O2 have nothing, and I mean nothing to do with Pat's bullshit about Apple's conditions for getting a FREE iPHONE.

None whatsoever.

Don't like O2? Refuse to use it? Great. Give the iPhone to someone who doesn't care, or don't take it.

Pat's post wasn't about "O2 Sucks, poor apple bastards, free phone but not worth the plan", was it? No. No it was not. Here's the title again, because that bit escaped you:

"Apple attempts blackmail with its Irish Staff"

Read that article. I'm sorry, I'm missing the bit about O2 being at fault there. Is there some Celtic subtext i'm missing? Because in english, that's very clearly aimed exclusively at Apple.

When combined with the previous article, which is pretty clear that he was going to get an iPhone on the cheap, and jailbreak it, well, the "He's Fighting Teh Evul O2" meme kind of falls apart.

Perhaps, and this is just a thought, but perhaps he could be arsed to actually take aim at O2 if that's who he's pissed at. But I'm sure as hell not going to try to read his damned mind. He wrote stupid words, he gets called on it.

Posted by: John C. Welch | March 28, 2008 4:15 PM

The point about the headline is a fair one, John, and it occurred to me after I'd posted my comment.

However, go back to the second link in your post, which as you say yourself is "the real reason Pat's upset" and then click on the "Paddy Tax" link. The headline on that one is "Irish taken as fools as O2 Ireland iPhone package comes with attached 'Paddy tax.'" If we had a fair pricing policy for the iPhone in Ireland, this issue would not arise.

Look, I've been reading both your blog and Pat's for about the same length of time and I see you both as "good guys". I responded originally because I thought the ad honimen stuff was over the top.

You're a good enough writer to be able to make your point without referring to someone who has a different viewpoint as a "whiny bitch" or "an entitlement whore cockmonger."

Posted by: GerryOS | March 28, 2008 5:24 PM

O2's policies are a strawman to accusing *APPLE* of BLACKMAILING people.

Not *O2*, but *APPLE*. The article had NOTHING to do with O2's policies, and everything to do with being a whiny bitch about Apple requiring that employees follow policy if they want a free iPhone, and he's not even an Apple employee, so it doesn't directly affect him at all

Funny how my "ad hominem" is over the top, but a post that's completely full of bullshit is not, because of some fucking strawman. He didn't have a different viewpoint, he was full of shit. It's not blackmail. Stating terms before someone accepts a device based on those terms is not blackmail. No matter how you define blackmail, saying "We would like to give you an iPhone for free, but to get it, here are two terms and two warnings. If you cannot accept the terms, then you are in no way required to accept the free iPhone, nor are you prevented from buying one on your own, not subject to these terms" is not fucking blackmail.

If you're pissed at O2, yell at fucking O2. Apple's requirements for accepting free iPhones as an employee have nothing, I repeat, not a single, solitary fucking thing to do with O2's plans and policies other than purely coincidental. O2's policies would still suck rancid donkey cock with or without the iPhone, so stop using O2 and the iPhone in some strawman feedback loop.

with regard to my liberal use of profanity.

Guess what, I like profanity. I love the way it sounds, and I especially love mixing my not-crappy vocabulary with the results of working around people who used profanity the way Da Vinci used pigments and pencils. It pleases me greatly to use profanity in general, and you not liking it, since you're not a part of my circle of friends, or even people I barely know or care about matters not at all. I especially love filthy little phrases like "rancid donkey cock". Very specific visual there.

If it bothers you, well, there are other places on the internet you can go, I suggest you avail yourself of them.

Posted by: John Welch | March 28, 2008 10:37 PM

John John john john
Your prose thrills me but unfortunantley I prefer originals, I can pick up my daily dose of prose ftom Twenty or Mr. Mulley.
They are original not followers
http://url.ie/aws

I answer you the same way as I answer that other post, I loved the iPhone so much I gave it away
http://patphelan.net/buy-a-maxroam-sim-get-a-free-iphone/
If I really wanted one I would pick it up in the states but I am strictly a Nokia guy.

Posted by: Pat Phelan | March 29, 2008 4:51 AM

Pat, pat, pat,

You value originality so much that you rewrite every other iPhoneTard post about how much <cell provider you don't like sucks> and how you shouldn't get an iPhone until they use <cell provider you do like>

That's about as original as bitching about the weather. But you go on with your bad self thinking you wrote some new scintillating criticism there. I'm sure it keeps you warm inside. Oddly, it sounds rather a lot like the criticism of the iPhone coming out of Redmond...hmm...funny that.

Then of course, you struck yet ANOTHER blow for originality, and used the word "iPhone" to jack your hit count, (because the truth is, as sites about telecom goes, yours is not even close to a useful one, like say PCS Intel), and call what is a fairly innocuous terms statement from Apple to employees "Blackmail". Here's a tip Pete: that's not blackmail. But I hope you got the hitcounts you wanted.

Finally, call me a cynic, but I bet if Apple was allowing Cubic Telecom to sell iPhones, you'd have your head so far up Steve Jobs ass, you be able to take pictures of the back of his uvula. But that brings to mind another data point...

Let's see, you sell a competing smartphone and other related services. Windows Mobile even. Wow, you don't like the iPhone and you sell a competing smartphone. You don't like O2, and you sell products that compete with it. I'm so shocked that you don't like either. It couldn't possibly be a conflict of interest, not in such a great crusader for the proletariat such as yourself.

Pat, pat, pat: with your, shall we say conflict of interest issues with regard to the iPhone and O2, it's rather hard to take your issues with either any more seriously than I would Steve Ballmer's.

Posted by: John C. Welch | March 29, 2008 10:46 AM

Seriously, did you do one ounce of research or did you just throw the first piece of whitewash you could find up on your own blog.
My company sells MAXroam SIM cards here www.maxroam.com, its actually on the blog if you could be bothered, it doesnt sell smartphones, windows or otherwise and it certainly doesnt compete with O2 or any other Irish or global carrier on handsets.
If you think I do this for hits you are seriously deluded dude.
Ask about

Posted by: Pat Phelan | March 29, 2008 2:57 PM

One more thing John since I am looking for the PR could you please correct the "Cubic Telecom" link :-)

Posted by: Pat Phelan | March 29, 2008 3:05 PM

Really Pat? you don't sell phones?

Hmm...then s'plain this link called "Our Phones". Do you mean to say this text on that page:

For a great price you are getting a powerful Windows Mobile 5.0-powered handset. It's a fantastic deal. It's got a lovely crisp colour screen, it integrates with Outlook and the battery life isn't too bad either. As with the Personal version it is both Wi-Fi and GSM capable.

is incorrect? That Cubic Telecom does not in fact actually sell that phone advertised on its site for 159 euros including tax?

Clicking the "About Us" link shows you as the CEO. In fact, in the description about you, it links back to your "Well Regarded Blog". Here's the pertinent text, in case you forgot:

Cubic Telecom was founded in 2005 by renowned telecommunications blogger Pat Phelan. Pat wants a world in which anyone can pick up their mobile phone wherever they are and call anyone in any country for as long as they like without worrying about the price.

You can read Pat's well regarded blog here.Is that not you? Has Cubic Telecom stole your identity?

Odd, because in the "Our Products" page, it shows MAXRoam, and a link to..."Our Phones", inviting the reader to, and I quote, "Learn more about our phones" Hmm...maybe someone hacked your page.

So what is it Pat? Is your company's website that inaccurate, or you going to come clean and admit you're a direct competitor to the iPhone for smartphone sales. Maybe you should try disclosing that when you have your little "I hate the iPhone" articles, hmm?

Posted by: John C. Welch | March 29, 2008 6:52 PM

Oh, link fixed, thanks for catching that.

Posted by: John C. Welch | March 29, 2008 6:56 PM

we don't sell phones, look at maxroam.com
that's our only site
cubictelecom.com redirects to maxroam.com
I don't know what you are seeing but thats one of our old sites and you are looking at a cached version, we have never sold a phone ever, you have my word on that.
we were planning to launch phones in Sept last year and changed our business model, please look at MAXroam.com or my profile on blog.
I honestly feel you owe me an apology.I guess that's up to you
We have never sold one phone.

Posted by: Pat Phelan | March 29, 2008 7:26 PM

Bullshit Pat. Those pages don't redirect to anything. The main page does, and again, you say "We have never sold a phone ever, you have my word on that'.

Well, you may not have SUCCEEDED, but you sure as shit did TRY, or was "Our Phones" some kind of bizarro "We don't sell these, but if we did, this is what we'd sell", but using language that doesn't say that at all. Secondly, it can't be that old. I didn't find those sites until March 29th, at around 10:30am, US Central time. I Googled "Cubic Telecom" and they came right up.

So let's be clear: your assertion that Cubic Telecom never sold a phone is only correct if you guys were never able to successfully sell a phone your site was pushing. But at one time, you were sure as hell trying to, or planning on it.

Wait, let me drive more nails into this, via the Cubic Telecom FAQ site:

We have two mobile phones to choose from. Both exceptional value as they come with a MAXroam SIM included and €5/$8 of calling credit to get you started.

At €99 (includes tax) / $139 we have Cubic Mobile Personal. A simple candy bar-style handset with a fantastic battery life - even though it is both Wi-Fi and GSM capable - and it has a colour screen. Basically, it's great for two things: making phone calls and sending text messages.

We also have a higher end handset - Cubic Mobile Business. This retails for €159 (includes tax) / $219 and for that great price you get a powerful Windows Mobile 5.0-powered handset. It is a fantastic deal. There is nothing like it at this price anywhere in the marketplace. Wi-Fi only capable phones from companies such as BelkinT and LinksysT currently retail for between $199 and $350.

Cubic Mobile Business has a lovely crisp colour screen, it integrates with OutlookT and the battery life is surprisingly good. As with the Personal version, it is both Wi-Fi and GSM capable.Another one:

When you purchased your Cubic Mobile phone it came with a MAXroam SIM. However, you do not have to use this SIM with our phone. If you wish you can use any SIM with our phone.

Another one:

When you receive your Cubic Mobile from us you will need to go to our website to register your phone and MAXroam SIM (this is a security measure). When you register you will be able to choose a number - or group of numbers - for your Cubic Mobile and your MAXroam SIM. When you have chosen your number, make a note of it or just come back to the website to your account page.

For a company that never sold a phone, you sure seemed to be trying to do so.

Now, maybe you don't sell phones any more but spare me the whole "I don't know where you got that from" or "it's some old thing", because that's all bullshit. You got busted in a conflict of interest Pat, because every iPhone on O2 is one more phone you can't make money off of. Even setting aside handset sales, every iPhone on O2 is not a MAXRoam customer. For you to NOT disclose that you have an active, current business and personal interest in gleaning customers from O2 makes all your protestations of how evil Apple's "Blackmail" letters are no better than Microsoft employees pretending to not be Microsoft employees when they used to troll other company's forums.

Based on the data gleaned from your own site, there's nothing to apologize for, but I'd say you need to be FAR more explicit about your relationship as a direct competitor to O2 et al.

Bullshitting me: U R Doin' it rong

Posted by: John C. Welch | March 29, 2008 7:49 PM

Well johnny boy
you finally woke the fuck up
we don't sell phones, I am glad you practically apologized on this one.
Now you pick on a link on our site to a company who has zero to do with us (ZERO) but is a service to our potential customers, big FAIL for you.
Maybe you might take a look at today's update and ask yourself why was he asking people not sign contracts, cmon Johnny a bit of research mightn't go astray.
http://patphelan.net/t-mobile-makes-huge-cuts-in-iphone-pricing-and-tariffs/
People are being ripped off, full stop, maybe that was my point :-)

Posted by: Pat Phelan | April 4, 2008 6:59 AM

Oh give me a break Pat. It took you HOW long to take down a site for an "unused business model"? Dude, I was born at night, but not last night.

You could give fuck *all* about people getting ripped off by cell plans and companies, it's just that they aren't giving YOU their money that pisses you off. As far as "a company that has ZERO to do with you", again, you obviously have some relationship. I rather doubt you picked them at random from the "Sells unlocked phone" listings in the phone book. But I'm used to that from you Pat. You can't quite ever give all the details, just like you can't quite ever bring yourself to CLEARLY state your conflict of interest with regard to the iPhone, O2, et al.

But then, I imagine "Pat Phelan, Telecommunications CEO" doesn't have that same crusading ring, now does it.

You're still being a shady bastard about the conflict of interest between your business and iPhones. You ever going to be really clear about that, or just play Oz with it, and hope no one else twigs onto the fact that you have a very good reason to want people to wait to buy an iPhone, or never buy one.

Oh, and I love, love, LOVE how, for someone who incessantly bitches and whines about the charges for other providers, finding out all the costs involved for a MAXRoam sim involves reading through a FAQ and running a rate calculator. That's so clear man, it just jumps out at you. I also love how you manage to come across as OMGCHEAP, the truth is, you're vacuuming people's pockets at a pretty furious fucking clip. But then, that's the idea isn't it. "Oh look at how AWFUL O2 is, here, I need another 5 euros love, thanks"

Like I said...your "crusader" persona is just rank hypocrisy. You're out to get people's money just as much as O2, Apple, and all the rest. They just have the balls to be up front about it, unlike you.

Posted by: John Welch | April 4, 2008 7:25 AM

Oh, I almost forgot...since you're so concerned about accuracy...you ever look up the legal definition of "blackmail" and how it doesn't apply to the Apple terms for accepting an iPhone?

Of course, I'm sure you'll want to properly edit your post to reflect that you were, shall we say, a little out of your fucking mind when you called it "blackmail"?

BAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH...no, no, I don't seriously think you'll apply the standards you insist everyone else lives by to yourself, but it's fun to imagine it.

Posted by: John Welch | April 4, 2008 7:31 AM

Prats on Parade

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