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I've been noticing a new and stupid phenomenon lately. It seems that, according to many people, I'm not going to be "allowed" to look at other women once I'm married.

Now, obviously, we aren't talking literally. This would make working rather difficult. Along with driving, walking and helping teach my martial arts class. So by "looking" we mean "looking at other women who you find hot in a 'damn, I'd like to do her' way". This strikes me as ungodly stupid, and thank god Melissa thinks so too. First of all, I like women. I love women. Tall short, blondes, brunettes, redheads, stripes, plaid, black, white, you name it. Love the women. Part of that is looking at them. I love looking at women. Preferable ones in tight, revealing clothing. Or naked. Naked works too, I'm not that picky on the clothing thing. I don't follow them down the street yelling "HEY BABY, WANNA RIDE MY BALONEY PONY?" or other stupid shit like that. But if I'm talking to someone, and a really attractive woman walks by, Ima lookin', and I'm not apologizing. The female form is proof that there is true beauty in this world. Who am I to allow such beauty to go unappreciated?

Yet, for some reason, because I'm marrying Melissa, I'm supposed to give that up? I'm never supposed to find another woman hot or sexy or beautiful, or whatever? Um...no. I love Melissa, and she's well aware of that. She knows that I know who I come home to, and the myriad reasons why. I long ago made up my mind as to the only woman I intend to live with, sleep with, etc. That's called being faithful. But that's not the same as telling me what to think, or what to fantasize about. Dude, I see Catherine Zeta-Jones, the lizardbrain goes into high gear. Mel knows that, in fact, we have a deal. I get CZJ, she gets Johnny Depp. Seems fair to me.

However, she knows about the male background sex loop. "Time to go to lunch, I'd do her, ah crap, forgot to bring it from home, love to bend her over a table, oh well, BK works too, Oh you know she's a dirty girl..." She's well aware of it, and doesn't worry, because she's secure in how I feel about her. Face it, she owns me, and I'm going nowhere. But she's not about to try and tell me what I can have running up in my head. That would eventually make me resent her, and force me to hide it when it happens randomly. Which it does. Making someone hide their thoughts and feelings from their spouse is rarely a good idea. So I don't hide it. I don't club her with it either. But when a woman walks down the street in a nice pair of jeans with a killer rack, she knows I'm looking, and she knows what I'm thinking. The way she looks at it, the more my febrile little mind fantasizes about things, the better it is for her. Works pretty well too.

It's about trust and being secure in the relationship. She knows that looking != touching. She knows I feel the same way. Hell, she's an artist. She has an actual functional need to have naked men with better bodies model for her. What, I'm supposed to tell her that she can use them for models, but not find them attractive? Does this actually work for people? Because it's a pretty insecure and petty thing to do. I trust her, she trusts me. We know what the line is, because we've talked about it, like grownups. We aren't so insecure that every time I look at another woman, she thinks "Oh god, he doesn't love me anymore", and I don't think she's dumping me for a model, no matter how bad her eyes glaze over when she talks about the better - looking ones. Besides, there are worse things to have come home to you than a woman all hot and bothered because she's been around naked or half - naked men for hours. Really. Trust me here. Doesn't suck.

So, sorry to all the people who are insecure about such things, but Ima lookin' and so's she. We're a little too old to try to play petty - assed control and power games with each other.

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