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Lucas that is. George Lucas.

Take away his film privileges. He sucks, and he's a total OCD imbecile who doesn't understand that sometimes, it's the imperfections, and the things you may not like about a work of art that make it something more. He thinks that if he modifies everything enough, eventually no one will notice and we'll all call it perfect.

WRONG

First, and this must me said now, he's an awful director. Before all the examples to prove me wrong start up, he's a shit director. What he is good at, or used to be anyway, is editing. All those examples you want to prove me wrong with? American Graffiti? The first Star Wars film? Editing. I mean for the love of god, he made Suzanne Somers look like she could act. Alfred Hitchcock, who could out direct Lucas thirty years after his death couldn't have done that. Early Lucas flicks are tours de force of editing wizardry. The ones that don't suck.

But please, don't try to tell me that Star Wars, (by this I mean, Episode IV, A New Hope. When someone who's 37 says Star Wars, we only mean one movie) is a masterwork of directing. All the great acting happened in spite of Lucas, not because of him. Face it, Harrison Ford was, and is, a great actor. Alec Guiness? Great Actor. The were also big enough to not have to put up with a lot of Lucas' shit if they chose not to. Alas, poor Liam Neeson was not in that position. (Nor is anyone else since Lucas became the richest prat in Hollywood.) Bet he's glad he died off quick.

However, for those of you who think Lucas is a great director, and insist on using Star Wars as an example, I give you Leia's Amazing Disappearing Accent. Early in the film, she had this really awful, (almost Winona Rider in Dracula awful) sorta-British accent: The tighter you make your grip the more systems will slip through your fingers. By her next major scene, she's just dropped that: Hey! Ain't youse a little short for a Storm Trooper? A Great Director keeps track of shit like that. Let's not forget his moronic In the future, chicks don't wear bras because they're all liberated 'n' stuff. Hey moron, there are good technical reasons to wear bras beyond the subjugation of femininity by the patriarchy.

As well, he keeps thinking that if he messes with the movies enough, he'll make them perfect. Well, no, he won't. But his ego, and his pathetically stupid belief in technology as the magic spell of not-sucking won't let him realize this. I saw his huge re-edited explosion for Star Wars. A big ring. Big deal. Now, had he made it look like the explosion of the Nostromo in Alien, that would have been worth the effort. Now, sometimes, it's not total suckage. The added Jabba scenes? Okay, nice background. A little redundant, but not evilly so. But the whole Han shot last, now Han shot at the same time thing? Gimme a break.

A major part of a movie is character development. One of the best examples of those was Han Solo. At the beginning of Star Wars, he's a smuggler, in trouble over money, and quite honestly, will shoot your ass dead if he thinks he has to. Won't bother him a bit. He's a self-centered criminal. Note: This was specifically stated in the book version of Star Wars (The one that Lucas wrote): Everyone knew you never let Han Solo's hands out of sight. Han was not a nice guy. He wasn't utter scum, but he wasn't a nice guy either. Any nobility had been quashed by the realities of his life. But through the movie, and through the first three movies, we see him grow. His nobility rises again. He remembers that money isn't everything, and some things are worth dying for, (contrary to his earlier statements), or even getting frozen in Carbonite for. That's what character development is, and for a long time, Han was a fantastic example of it.

Lucas went and really screwed that up, although he backed off a bit. Now, Han's a good guy from the start. What, he's undercover as a smuggler? If he's that good of a guy, then being a smuggler and working for scum like Jabba makes no sense. He's no longer a character, he's just a plot device for Luke.

Luke gets it in the ass from the magic wand of re-editing too, although supposedly this has been fixed.

I am of course, talking about The Scream.

In The Empire Strikes Back, during his fight with Darth Vader, there's a revelation. Vader reveals that he is Luke's father. It's a powerful scene, since most of what Luke believes has just been crapped on, and thanks to the Force, he knows its true. His entire life is upside down, and, oh yeah, he's kinda fighting for his life, and his hand's been chopped off. So he has a hard choice. Join the Dark Side, or die. He chooses, and silently takes the header off the platform. Vader rushes to the edge, but to no avail. There's a lingering shot of Vader, and we wonder what he's thinking. (Of course, with what Lucas did to The Force, I wonder why Vader didn't just levitate his ass back up, but that's a later paragraph. Never mind, this is explained in Episode III, and it is indeed lame.) Then in the VCR re-release, Luke screams as he falls off the platform. Well goody. Now, it's no longer a noble sacrifice, another example of being willing to die for what you feel is good and proper. No, he what, slipped? He wanted to chat with Vader more? Gimme a break. If the information about The Scream being taken out are true, then good. Because it was stupid and petty. Sorry George, but everyone's right, Empire really is the best of the series and I don't see Episode III changing that. But then, Empire had a good director. Oh, and the re-engineering of Hayden Christensen into the first movie? WTF, Vader never aged in the suit? He was 19 until he died? Gimme a break. He SHOULD look older than oh, HIS SON.

Don't give me any crap about how “Well that's the age he was before he became evil.” No dumbass, that's the age he was at when he was too whiny, foolish and stupid, and went over to The Dark Side because he was an overpowered little whiny bitch. That's the age he was when he became evil. You DO remember where he finds redemption? That whole scene in Return of the Jedi? “Father...help me?” He sees that his entire life since going to The Dark Side has been a waste, an unending cry of rage and fury, and it's about to kill the only thing he ever did that was worth a crap. (Again, I must interject. My statement about rage and fury was wrong. As it turns out, his entire life since going to the Dark Side has been a teen-aged temper tantrum because no one would call him “Master”. Another great character, ass-raped by Lucas)

He couldn't have done that at nineteen. If he had, he wouldn't have become Vader. It was the older Anakin who was able to marshal the strength to rise up and say No more. My evil ends here. He died to save the life he had created, the only time he had created life, (along with Leia), and not destroyed. It's why his request to Luke to remove his helmet so that he can finally see his child with his own eyes, not filtered through Vader's shell is so powerful. It is Anakin we see laying there in the remains of the Death Star as it falls apart around him. It could be said that it was perhaps the only time we get to see Anakin finally being the Jedi he could have been, at last freed of the rage and hatred that formed his early years, and made becoming Vader a given. That is why it is fitting that, in that final scene with Kenobi and Yoda, we see Anakin as he should have been, as he could have been if he had only had more strength of soul when he was younger. Seeing the whiny bitch who had a bad day and helped kill billions is an insult to the strength that the redeemed Anakin had finally found within himself.

In every act of creation, there's the temptation to keep making it better. This temptation must of course be resisted. At some point, you declare it done. Not perfect, but done. You let it go and move on. If there are things you don't like, apply the lessons learned to your next work of art.

As far as the first three movies in the set go, utter crap, all of them, even the ones I haven't seen all of , or have even been released yet. As examples:

The Force now makes you Superman. You can fly, you can shoot lasers, deflect bullets. Probably gives you a bigger winky too. Or for female Jedi, nicer boobs. I dunno, it's a joke now. The Force no longer makes you one with the universe, it makes you a super hero. Of course, the re-directing of The Force into the ultimate Deus Ex Machina pales next to teh stupidity that are midi-chlorians.

I literally could not believe that Lucas did this. So now, being one with The Force means you have a higher concentration of microscopic organisms in your bloodstream? What, is The Force now a form of dysentery? It would explain the crap that passes for Jedi Dialogue but my god, this is moronic, and insults the intelligence of every viewer. George, here's another tip: You don't have to explain everything. We don't need to know the mechanics of The Force. That one scene where they talk about Anakin's midi-chlorian count? Crapola. Trust your audience George. We can live with The Force being mysterious. In fact, it makes The Force cooler. This midi-chlorian idiocy makes it sound like you can get The Force from drinking untreated water. So, instead of The Force being a mysterious thing, it's a disease brought on by micro-organisms. Just great. Have chronic diarrhea? You may be a Jedi.

But that's minor. Take a look at what Lucas does to the actors in Episodes 1 & 2. Liam Neeson? Boring. Samuel L. Jackson? Boring. That's right, Lucas made Samuel L. Jackson boring. The dialog between Anakin and Amidala, (I saw a few parts of Episode 2, and I almost puked)? Oh.my.god...if it were any more wooden, it would be Star Trek V. “I...Love...You...Ami...Da-la” BARF. Christ, why bother using humans at all? Oh wait, Jar-Jar, never mind.

But the fight scenes are the worst. He couldn't even be bothered to choreograph the fight scenes properly. In the final fight with Darth Maul in Episode 1, really look at the action. Ray Park is almost moving in stop motion to let the other two catch up. If that's how bad Jedi fight no wonder they all got massacred. A bad Tae Kwon Do school could do it. I watched the battle between Jango Fett, and Samuel Jackson...okay, so yes, Jackson's character is an uber - Jedi master. But he's fighting Jango Fett. The Baddest Bounty Hunter Anywhere. He's killed Jedi. I'm not saying Fett should have won, I'm saying it should have been a close fight. Not “Swish-swash, and Fett's head rolls away.” That was just insulting. It means that Boba Fett is either the biggest wuss in the world, or that everyone else who fears him is just a complete spineless pile of jelly.

But the worst was Yoda. Yeah, I wanted to see Yoda fight. Who hasn't. But I'm also a martial artist, have been for over a decade. What you realize is that as you work with folks who have been doing this for say, over half a century is that they don't waste movement. The better they get, the more economy of motion. There's no grand gestures anymore. Watch videos of the master who founded Aikido. No great movements, but people get laid out. That's a Master...they use their art unconsciously in everything they do, and when they are actively using it, you can barely see some of what they do. So I'm looking for something that shows Yoda as the Master he is, because even at that point, he's been doing it for what, 700 years? Even fighting Count Dooku. (DOOKU? Holy crap George, don't just HAND South Park the parody...“Howdy-ho everybody, I'm Count Dooky, the evil Jedi Master”) I am hoping for this economy of motion from someone who is a part of The Force at levels that no other Jedi can comprehend. From someone who has transcended anger and hatred.

I'm a complete moron for thinking Lucas could do that.

Instead I get a methed-out cricket with a glow stick. Boing, boing, screaming, yelling, boing boing, and then, he can't even kick Dooku's ass while holding up a building. I guess he can only do that on Dagobah. What a pile of crap.

Looking at the previews for Episode 3? Same thing. Vader pivoting up on the table with his hands clamped up beside his head...so he looks like an overly effeminate flamer getting a surprise. “OOOOOooohh...I get a LIGHT SABER!!!!” The emperor attacking people, looking like Freddy Kreuger in bad robes. No. I refuse to give Lucas my money, or even my time. I honestly hope it gets pirated all to hell and no one sees it in the theater. Losing money seems to be the only thing Lucas understands.

Screw you George, for being such an egotisical cockwad and ruining something that a long time ago, was really really cool.

I wrote that part in December of 2004 on another site, after seeing early previews. I've now read (not bought, George gets no money from me) the kid's book and the full novelization of Episode III.

I hate Lucas more.

You have to understand that in the first three movies, Vader was Evil. He was unnatural. He was the thing that crawled out of the pit that Obi-Wan pushed him into. He scared everyone but the Emperor pissless, and he was the most obvious manifestation of the Emperor's power.

He was Vader, and to even displease him was to die.

Over time, fans of the three good movies think of Anakin as a true tragedy. A noble character who was gradually perverted into a monster. A ray of hope changed into a wasteland of hopelessness.

But what does Lucas give us in the first three movies?

A whiny bitch who couldn't have his way so he turned to the Dark Side in a temper tantrum. He's not even evil anymore, not like Vader was. Now, he's just every other goth-teen stomping into his room yelling No one understands me, but I'll show you all!. My god, he's a sci-fi version of those two prats who shot up Columbine. That's not evil, that's just...teen angst to the max.

So now, every time I see Vader saying great lines like Obi-wan was wise to hid her existence from me. Now his failure is complete. I'll be hearing Neener-neener, I know who she is now, and i'm gonna maker her evil so we can do evil things, like...like wear black and worship SATAN! My god, Lucas turned Darth Vader into DARK HELMET!

Thanks to George's appalling lack of subtlety and talent, one of the great embodiments of screen evil is now the lame embodiment of an over-privileged teen trust kid who had to settle for a stock Benz on their birthday instead of the AMG model.

I mean, at this point, Obi-Wan should have just bounced a basketball off his forehead and told him to squirt a few. Even worse, it's not that Anakin uses the raw power of the Dark Side to crawl out of the lava pit and back to his new master to become Vader in form, not just name. Obi-Wan kicks his damned ass. Cuts off both his legs and the other arm, and watches the basket case roll into the lava. It's a damned midget toss! The only reason he survives is because the Emperor feels a disturbance in the Force, (I guess that much whining does have a long range), and comes to get him. What's the first thought the guy has? Not “Good, now I truly own him.” No, it's “God-damn, you little retard. What good are you like that. Can't shoot no zippy Force death rays, can't fly. Shit. Maybe I can put him in a scary suit, and give him a voice that sounds like he grew a pair at some point.”

Oh yeah, Amidala dying right as the kids are born? Smooth move Lucas, way to keep continuity with “Jedi”. I suppose you'll have to edit out scene where Leia tells Luke about their mother. Way to know your own work, idiot.

Oh, the whole chosen one thing? Why did the Jedi think “Balance” meant, “No more evil.” I guess “Math” is one of the things in the list of stuff A Jedi Cares Not for. Okay, so before Episode III you have two Sith, and a passle of Jedi. That, dear reader, is unbalanced. After Episode III you have two Sith and two Jedi. That dear reader is balanced. I guess along with sex and love, Jedi aren't allowed to do math. Critical thinking and analysis aren't big on their list either. No wonder Anakin Whinewalker wiped them all out so easily.

I have to stop here, it's just too lame to keep thinking about it.

What's left, we find out Han's really a furry, and Chewie's his love-slave?

God I hate Lucas.

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Comments

Yup,
It's pretty much become Beverly Hills 9021-Jedi, you'd find a better decent into darkness in an episode of The OC.

Posted by: Mark | May 1, 2005 09:08 PM

Y'know John, you make me feel SO much better about having a long extended conversation over NexTel (It's how Business gets done) about the new Battlestar Galactica with one of the other tech dudes here over at TSP. We are SUCH geeks.

One of us! One of us! Gabba-Gabba-hey!

*sigh* I agree with you, the whole "Han Solo" thing twisted me already. "Star Wars" is just done. Hopefully it's over now. Or at least in a few months.

Anyone who thinks that Lucas actually has talent, think this over;
Notice that Lucas hasn't done ANYthing other than "Star Wars" & "Indiana Jones" since he made the first movie? Well, there was "Willow" but that kind of proves my point. :)

Posted by: W. Ian Blanton | May 2, 2005 01:40 AM

Y'know, I forgot to mention, there was a quote from Isaac Asimov in one of his anthologies, where he talked about how he rarely re-edited his works (ie: went back and changed them greatly), he said that he found that it just didn't work for him, that if the story was that bad, he needed to start over with a new one. Maybe that's a lesson that Lucas needs to learn.

Posted by: W. Ian Blanton | May 2, 2005 01:42 AM

Heh...oh I just like talking about movies in general. But yeah, Lucas is a great honking prat about this. I'll be a dollar now if he does have Amidala die right after the kids are born, he re-edits "Jedi" to "fix" his self-created "continuity issue"

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 2, 2005 06:39 AM

Hey c'mon, he's writing the fight scenes for what is primarily a non-martial-arts-practising audience... people expect flourishes and crazy jumping. I liked it. You've got some good points though. The Force was better as a mystery, and Anakin is a bit of a twat.

Posted by: Steve B | May 8, 2005 12:18 PM

I agree that Lucas is a horrible director, and that his going back and changing finished work is pretty damn lame, but have to majorly disagree on your other points of why you hate him.

I think the fact that Anakin turns to the dark side for such petty reasons, and that he is the epitome of a whiny teen is actually beautiful. And your example of the Columbine killings really proves the point. Killing 12 people because you feel different isn't "teen angst to the max." It's retarded... and evil... and shows exactly how far that whiney teen can go.

Also... Anakin is a whiny bitch? I'll agree... but um... he's a character... not a real person going, "Wha wha wha... I hate you.. HATE HATE hate you cuz my favorite movie from when I was a kid has been DESTROYED by the sequels!!! You bastard! I hate you... I would go cry into my vintage Star Wars sheets, but I burned them after I saw Episode One."

I mean... Lucas sucks... no doubt. Really, even the original three movies aren't exactly a tour de force (with the possible exception of Empire). He has good ideas, is good at editing, and knows how to hire amazing artists (Like Ralph McQuarrie and Kun Chang). He's a horrible writer (BTW the Star Wars Novelization was ghost written by Alan Dean Foster (http://www.alandeanfoster.com/version2.0/novelsframe.htm)). He has no sense of continuity (but I have to disagree about the Leia remembering her mom thing... I always thought that she was just remembering Bail Organa's wife). And, yes, as a director... especially when it comes to directing actors, I have to wonder how he got his good rep.

But isn't this all a bit over the top?

Breathe in... now repeat after me: "It's just a movie..."

Posted by: andy | May 8, 2005 01:00 PM

It's so funny how the most successful are often called the worst. If he truly were the worst, then he wouldn't be a folk hero. But he is.

Really, if you didn't think he was great, then surely you wouldn't care about his franchise. But you do. Why?

I did a movie with my brother and god-daughter (my brother's daughter). Ya wanna see it. Cause, if you care so much about the worst director ever, then surely, me being better than the worst, you would want to see my home movies too. Right?

Posted by: Randy Charles Morin | May 8, 2005 01:18 PM

Sorry Randy, but mass followings do not equal talent. I mean, Britney Spears' albums went platinum numerous times over, but she's still a no-talent hack.

But I also think you're missing the point. The reason that Lucas is worthless is because he's pretty much defecated all over what were once good movies. The first trilogy was a pretty good set of movies (when viewed objectively), but was also a watershed moment for an entire generation. Millions of people fell in love with it. Then twenty years later Lucas not only decides to remake parts of those movies, but to make three other movies completely out of character with the first set.

It's analogous to some plastic surgeon convincing your beloved wife of twenty years to get plastic surgery, and her coming out of it looking hideous. You think you might have a beef with the doctor?

Posted by: Dinu. | May 8, 2005 01:41 PM

Many things combined here:

Hey c'mon, he's writing the fight scenes for what is primarily a non-martial-arts-practising audience... people expect flourishes and crazy jumping

But they sucked. I could live with extra flourishes, but they sucked. It's a good thing that he didn't have anyone with a clue in the second (and probably third) movies' fight scenes. At least if everyone sucks, it's less obvious.

If the scenes don't suck, I can forgive a lot. I did like the bit in the first one where when the energy fields come on between them, they both commence to a quickie bit of meditation rather than posturing. That was nice.

think the fact that Anakin turns to the dark side for such petty reasons, and that he is the epitome of a whiny teen is actually beautiful. And your example of the Columbine killings really proves the point. Killing 12 people because you feel different isn't "teen angst to the max." It's retarded... and evil... and shows exactly how far that whiney teen can go.

So if you give the columbine kids magical dysentery and light sabers, they're no longer whiny retards, but great examples of tragedy? Look, the problem is, in the original movies, (the ones that didn't suck completely), Vader is set up to be a figure of tragedy. A great pilot, a good friend, a great Jedi, a good guy who after achieving such titles is corrupted and falls from grace into evil.

That's not what the first three movies show. In the first one, he's a little kid, and Yoda is already TELLING us that he's not going to be a good Jedi. Yet they make him a padawan anyway. What, Yoda knows this will be bad but he's dumb? No.

The second two movies just show trajedi, not tragedy. Anakin never achieves any real grace to fall FROM. He's just a whiny bitch who gets what was coming to him. Why not use the second movie to show us WHY the fall of Anakin was a tragedy? Hell, that would have been cool. We already know what happens to him, why not make the journey cool. How about using Milton as a guide instead of Aaron Spelling. Read "Paradise Lost"...that is what Vader's story should be in the first three movies.

Also... Anakin is a whiny bitch? I'll agree... but um... he's a character... not a real person going, "Wha wha wha... I hate you.. HATE HATE hate you cuz my favorite movie from when I was a kid has been DESTROYED by the sequels!!! You bastard! I hate you... I would go cry into my vintage Star Wars sheets, but I burned them after I saw Episode One."

Because i like movies. Good ones. Rear Window. Sin City. The Pink Panther. I like fun movies. Most Jackie Chan flicks. Vin Diesel movies. They don't have to be deep or meaningful. Just a fun waste of two hours. With explosions and great one-liners.

What I don't like is being assaulted by a trio of movies that are nothing more than the lead ad for the LucasArts marketing department. I can't see the movie yet, but i can buy so much crap for it that I could fill a house with it. The problem is, i can't even call Lucas a sellout, because that would assume he isn't one to begin with. There's nothing good about these movies other than reminding me that there are even bigger dorks out there than the "HItchhikers" fans. I get enough commercials for free, why pay George for a two-hour one that sucks?

He has good ideas, is good at editing, and knows how to hire amazing artists (Like Ralph McQuarrie and Kun Chang). He's a horrible writer (BTW the Star Wars Novelization was ghost written by Alan Dean Foster (http://www.alandeanfoster.com/version2.0/novelsframe.htm)).

Dude, Lucas is the biggest control freak on the planet. Who physically typed the words doesn't matter. If it says "Star Wars" every last item of it was personally approved by George. Again, look at his pathetic attempts at re-engineering "Empire" and "Jedi".

He has no sense of continuity (but I have to disagree about the Leia remembering her mom thing... I always thought that she was just remembering Bail Organa's wife). And, yes, as a director... especially when it comes to directing actors, I have to wonder how he got his good rep.

Leia grew up on Alderaan, so why would she not remember her adopted mother. The scene didn't really make any sense to begin with. Why would Leia suddenly realize she's adopted and magically recover memories of someone that she has NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT? Remember, she didn't know about her familial relationship with Luke/Vader until that scene, and she has no CLUE about the Force, as shown in that scene. But if you're going to leave it in, then at least make a token attempt to not have it be any more of a wart than it has to be.

But isn't this all a bit over the top?

Breathe in... now repeat after me: "It's just a movie..."

"That i'm not going to see, that I'm not going to see, because the last lucas movie I paid to see was Willow, because at least that was funny, even if it was lame, i didn't pay to see Episode I either..."

It's so funny how the most successful are often called the worst. If he truly were the worst, then he wouldn't be a folk hero. But he is.

He's a folk hero for THX, American Graffitti, the first three movies, Willow, and the Raiders trilogy. Now, he's just an overblown ego with too much money. It's like watching Old Fat Elvis sing Hound Dog. Any magic was gone long ago. Making money and not being a fountain of suck are not mutually exclusive. Emo proves that.

Really, if you didn't think he was great, then surely you wouldn't care about his franchise. But you do. Why?

Because the original movies were cool. They had some vague soul, they were fun to watch. The next three, the last of which will, please god, be just a memory by the end of the year, are vultures rendering the corpse of three really neat movies. Also, remember, he only directed one of those three, namely, Star Wars, and it is the weakest of the three. But he wasn't LUCAS THE MIGHTY then, so he couldn't control everything, and he didn't have the tech to completely remove the human element.

These three may was well be computer games, they look to be nothing but fodder for them anyway.

Oh, by the way...your brother's daughter is more correctly called your "Niece". She can ALSO be your god-daughter, but the primary familial relationship is "niece".

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 8, 2005 01:57 PM

dude,

it's a movie. if you don't like it, don't watch it.

or create something better yourself. easy. then we can all gaze on the brilliance that is you.

Posted by: pacey | May 8, 2005 04:33 PM

Ok, here's a different perspective on it, I pity a George Lucas.

I pity him, believe it or not, because he does not possess the qualities of depth and understanding that might have enabled him to deliver on the Star Wars promise.

Imagine being feted and lauded and given mountains of money, have people worldwide look to you with awe, so undeservedly. Imagine not having the capability to realize that the accolades were misplaced. You'd believe your press, everyone would have to after a while.

I pity George, and all the other people in the same position, who can whiff at the true genius of others but can only taste of their own mediocrity.

Deep down they must know it is folly which would make living the lie a kind of genuine hell. It would be kinder to them not to be successful and rich. At least then they'd have half a chance to discover some place content within themselves. Perhaps if they lived out a more mundane life they would meet their own true potential instead of being heralded for greatness that is not there.

May all of be spared that fate.

Posted by: Shelley Noble | May 8, 2005 05:27 PM

Holy cow, this is what I've been saying since the first movie came out. Of course I believe most fanboys and girls who have tried so very hard to ignore the suckiness of the first two movies have been trying to ignore all these reasons to loathe Lucas for what he's done, but they're not fooling me. I think most people who adored the first few movies are sick to death of Lucas's purile middle-aged 'king of the sandbox' nonsense and look back on days when a horrid director put out a movie that we could all love despite his stupidity.

I don't even count the first three movies. My friend is buying me a ticket to try and prove me wrong, and I'll be happy to be able to laugh myself silly at her as she tries to justify her way outta Jedi Shaft, wooden romance between Whiny Little Bitch Anakin and Silly Little Barbie Amidala, and the horrific nonsense that is the creation of Darth Vader outta Emo Anakin. I'm going to enjoy my laugh, and mourn a serious rape of a classic.

Posted by: Kate Monster | May 8, 2005 05:55 PM

Good post. I've told several of my friends that the worst part of the new Star Wars movies wasn't the suckage of Jar Jar or the woodenness of the acting. The worst part was all the potential, squandered.

It could have been for the Ages. It could have been the one "better than the Lord of the Rings." It could have been this century's Hamlet or Oedipus.

But instead, it's crap.

Posted by: Cardozo Bozo | May 8, 2005 06:06 PM

it's a movie. if you don't like it, don't watch it.

or create something better yourself. easy. then we can all gaze on the brilliance that is you.

Oh lord...yes, it had to happen.."Well let's see you do one better if it's so easy/sucks so bad"

Okay, so let me ask this simply...

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? Jesus, we all agree that Pacers were ugly sucky cars, why do we have to be able to make a car to say that?

Let me see if I can explain this in small words...

1) I liked the original three movies. They were really, even the one Lucas directed, quite good.

2) I don't like anything he's directed since. Because he's a bad director

3) Episodes I-III are what happens when you get too much control, and everyone is too busy kissing your ass to say "Dude, this is really wretched, and you kinda screwed Darth Vader in the ass with this "He became evil because he was in luuuuuuuuuuuvue" tripe.

4) For what Vader should have been, go read "Paradise Lost" until you get why I'm mad at lucas.

5) If you don't like people criticising episodes I-III, why read a post that BY ITS TITLE is going to be a lambasting of the fetid sucking sound that is George Lucas? This is like the people who read Maddox so they can write him hate mail.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 8, 2005 08:23 PM

"Kate Monster"

heeeeeeeheheheeheheheh

"the internet is really, really, great...FOR PORN"

heeeeeeheehehehe

you.rule

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 8, 2005 08:24 PM

Why Star Wars Sucks

Though, I must admit, I've read the script for Episode III, and read the graphic novel, and while I don't think the story rocks or anything, it does seem to be an impovement on the last couple of entries. I wince at the thought of more Anakin/Amidala scenes, though. Lucas has the power to extract the worst from his actors...

Posted by: J.D. | May 8, 2005 08:36 PM

This "rant" is nonsense: there are certainly many flaws in the entire Star Wars series, film-wise, and yes, the prequels thus far have not approached the originals in quality, but primarly, the disappointment with them is a problem of the audience, not the author.

If Episode I had come out in '77, everyone would have been just as astounded, obviously even more so, than they were for A New Hope, despite the wooden acting.

I also find it hard to believe people are actually criticizing the Jedi and their abilities...any Star Wars lover who claims they weren't wowed by the Darth Maul battle at the end of Ep. I is almost certainly lying. Just because the choreography becomes apparent when you've watched it 3200 times doesn't mean it wasn't a great bit of swordplay. For god's sake, the battle between Obi-wan and Darth Vader on the Death Star is pathetic by comparison -- talk about amateurish choreography. Lucas' explanation that they're old men and cripples works in this situation, but in reality, we know that it was merely a lack of vision in the melee-combat department.

I'm not taking the side of Lucas or the prequels, necessarily, but I am saying that he could create a veritable masterpiece illustrating mastery of every filmic art we have an award for, and old-school Star Wars fans still wouldn't be happy. Because no matter what Lucas does, it'll never be the same: they'll never be young and impressionable again, walking innocently into an old analog theatre to see a movie that, although they didn't know it in the five minutes before they saw it, would change their lives forever within the first half hour.

Posted by: Deus Ex | May 8, 2005 10:45 PM

This "rant" is nonsense: there are certainly many flaws in the entire Star Wars series, film-wise, and yes, the prequels thus far have not approached the originals in quality, but primarly, the disappointment with them is a problem of the audience, not the author.

He's directing. I don't mind the story. I like the base premise. Lucas just sucks as a directory. Again, what's the best of the six? Empire. What didn't Lucas direct? Empire. Is this coincidence? no.

If the movies suck, it's the creator's fault. If the acting is wooden, it's the director's. (Sorry, but there's some TALENT in these movies. Can't blame the actors, they normally don't suck.) If all the humanity has been sacrificed to show off CGI toys, that's a lot of people's fault. In this case, it's simple...They're Georges movies. 1-3 are his mental masturbation, and stunted emotional growth, and he's charging you ten bucks for the pleasure. I just choose not to pretend that he has any talent. that's all. I'm not going to pay him to piss me off with his shitty films. What's so hard about that. And yes, I did put some humor in this. Most of this stuff is funny wayway.

If Episode I had come out in '77, everyone would have been just as astounded, obviously even more so, than they were for A New Hope, despite the wooden acting.

They initially savaged it. I remember. It came and went...then it came back. But no one thought it was a good movie ala acting. It just made a lot of money.

I also find it hard to believe people are actually criticizing the Jedi and their abilities...any Star Wars lover who claims they weren't wowed by the Darth Maul battle at the end of Ep. I is almost certainly lying. Just because the choreography becomes apparent when you've watched it 3200 times doesn't mean it wasn't a great bit of swordplay.

Actually, if you bothered to read my rant, you'd see that I thought Ray Park did a great job. The problem was, he was too damned good to slow down enough to not be obviously better than the other two clowns. He kicked their asses and never broke a sweat. Only the re-invented uber-dysentery that the Force has become saved Obi-Wan.

For god's sake, the battle between Obi-wan and Darth Vader on the Death Star is pathetic by comparison -- talk about amateurish choreography. Lucas' explanation that they're old men and cripples works in this situation, but in reality, we know that it was merely a lack of vision in the melee-combat department.

Or it was before the Force became THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING. That fight still resonates well. For one, Kenobi is doing it as a delaying action to keep Vader away from Luke and the rest. that's obvious. Secondly, the dude's old, and he's not yoda. Third, there's a really nice economy of motion that speaks to someone beyond jumping around and wasting energy. It works better than Yoda the Mexican Jumping Bean-Jedi.

I'm not taking the side of Lucas or the prequels, necessarily, but I am saying that he could create a veritable masterpiece illustrating mastery of every filmic art we have an award for, and old-school Star Wars fans still wouldn't be happy.

HOw about three movies that don't shit on three other movies. Maybe some real tragedy? Does anyone, after the second movie, give a rat's ass about anakin, or do we all just want to see the little brat get his beatdown from Obi-Wan. Yep. You watch, people will cheer him gettin' his legs cut off. Because the character sucks, and you want him to die.

Because no matter what Lucas does, it'll never be the same: they'll never be young and impressionable again, walking innocently into an old analog theatre to see a movie that, although they didn't know it in the five minutes before they saw it, would change their lives forever within the first half hour.

Oh stop being a fanboy. It didn't change my life. I just liked it a lot. Liked Star Trek II a lot. The rest of the series kinda sucked movie-wise. But II was cool. The first one was cool for something finally happening for warp drive.

Lucas helped make three good movies, but he's not the same guy anymore, and these movies show that. They're just there because he can. I don't think he gives a rat's fuck about them or the audience. They'll add bling to his bank, and that's all he cares about now.

Nothing in Star Wars is life changing, and if it is, that's really sad.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 8, 2005 11:49 PM

a funny non-parallel ...

George Lucas did great things, had great power, then fell from grace, became evil.

Anakin didn't do great things, was powerless, embraced who he was, and became evil.

Posted by: eric | May 9, 2005 12:04 AM

"Hey moron, there are good technical reasons to wear bras beyond the subjugation of femininity by the patriarchy."

I quit reading at this point.

Posted by: Anonymous Coward | May 9, 2005 07:20 AM

Um...AC...okay, so why comment if you stopped reading because...what, that there ARE reasons for wearing bras that have nothing to do with subjugation?

Ask any woman who's naturally large-breasted, she'll tell you, bras are not an option. That's like saying the only reason to wear underwear is shame.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 9, 2005 09:05 AM

Have you ever even kissed a woman??

Posted by: B | May 9, 2005 10:23 AM

Have you ever even kissed a woman??

My initial response...

Yeah, and could you tell your mom to shave her back? She keeps shedding all over the hood of my car. Have her get that damed tongue wart looked at, it tickles when she''s rimming me. Make sure you ask her why her good night kisses taste so salty, I bet I know.

But i won't say that. It would be rude. And then Mr. T will come sing at me about being nice to mothers, and that really scares me. Besides, this person's mom suffers enough knowing that the life she brought into this world turned out to be an insecure pendejo with self - esteem issues. I can't possible do more to torment the poor woman.

See, this is what I hate about the intarweb. You have a nice debate going, and a tool has to bring sexual prowess into it.

Why does this matter? It's the intarweb, you can't even reliably verify my name is John unless you know me.

But, even better, it appears that toolboy B was stupid and put something resembling a real email address.

Now admittedly, judonocrap@yahoo.com COULD be fake or someone elses. But if it's someone else's then they need new friends anyway. Oops, the spam bots appear to have a legit email address to play with.

Gosh that sucks. I bet Qwest is real happy that they have a jackass like you on their network trying to get in a cyber-dick waving contest.

moron

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 9, 2005 10:45 AM

Stopped reading in the middle. SO you´ve nothing else to do? Go get a job and try to do better! You should make the perfect movies! We see us in 30 years and then we´ll see what´ve done in your life!But what should I say more? I think you´ll get nothing ever done...go and get more angrier and let you rage grow! Good? Now jump outside the window!Do as all a favour!

Posted by: Roger Stern | May 9, 2005 10:59 AM

An old read, but a good one - especially about how Lucas turned the Jedis into something loathsome when the 2nd trilogy started...

http://www.salon.com/ent/movies/feature/1999/06/15/brin_main/print.html

Posted by: Brian | May 9, 2005 11:16 AM

Hey Rog?

Why did you read this if it sucks so much? I mean, my hit counter appreciates it, but really, why even bother with that much. Here..."YOU SUCK"

see, simple.

I see the fanboys are discovering this little screed. Well, here's a hint. It's AN OPINION. that's all. If you like the first three, good for you. We disagree on it. You think Lucas is "Teh Talent" I think he sucks donkey dick as a director/producer/anything that isn't editing and basic story creation.

Where's the problem?

And why come all the fuck to this site just to yell at me? That's kinda stupid dontchathink?

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 9, 2005 11:19 AM

An old read, but a good one - especially about how Lucas turned the Jedis into something loathsome when the 2nd trilogy started..

Brian,

Really nice read, thanks for the link. I had never thought about it that way, but sweet.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 9, 2005 11:25 AM

This is just brilliant! The internet hasn't entertained me this much in ages, i just ate a two-course meal while poring through this cyber-ruck.

The initial rant here is WAY more than justified and i commend its writer, for being arsed to do it, if nothing else. The emperor of a well known SW forum once banned me (!) for dropping in a small post about the bilge that was ep2. It was bizarre enough that i was poking around a forum at all so i shouldnt have been surprised, but hey, i was finding it quite difficult to digest the fact a SW film COULD actually be even worse than ep1... i guess i was seeking solace, that so long as the rest of the world was SURELY thinking the same, then i'd feel less confused. Then...

... seeing all the praise, all the "ohmygod it's even better than empire" posts, i just couldn't help myself. I kept my post brief and was careful not to flame or criticise too harshly, and within five minutes i was gangbanged by SW fetishists. i hadn't even the time to get my battered and bleeding arsehole into reply mode before everyone then started banging each other and it became a fantastic orgy of abuse. Then the post was abruptly cancelled and i (?!) was banned. The emperor emailed me and explained how it wasn't really my fault, but the post was only going to start arguments and that, basically, if i didn't like the film, there was no point posting (???!!!?!?!?). The emperor then lifted my ban and it was with great satisfaction that i leapt back in there and told the fascist to fuck right off and please fucking re-ban my ass. So anyway, my pudding's going cold now so...

... the fella who posted the original rant, we should knab a lightsaber each and shoom over to cocknocker ranch to take george's head from his amphibious, tumescent neck. We'll have no problem getting in there because of our 'force speed' and that, but when the energy fields prevent us from leaving, we'll somehow have forgotten all about our 'force speed' and... ah heck... do the inconsistencies ever end...

A massive slap on the back for taking the time to immortalise the venomous ramblings that have been going through many a SW fan's head since those damned 'special' editions. Y'know, 'special' like the 'special' bus that 'special' kids had to go to school in.

And don't be too hard on Georgie, he got one thing right, he always said the first three episodes would reveal a tragic story...

Posted by: gogogo! | May 9, 2005 03:09 PM

Excellent article!

Posted by: Alex Maccise | May 9, 2005 03:43 PM

I was watching Return Of The Jedi yesterday, annoyed with the plot holes and poor editing, and I got to thinking: after Lucas is dead, how long will it be before Fox decides it's time to fully remake the Star Wars movies? Given the lack of original ideas in Hollywood lately (Alfie, Longest Yard, Love Bug, Pink Panther, etc, etc, etc...) I don't think it's too far a reach to assume this will happen! And if I'm lucky, probably in my lifetime (I'm 37).

Posted by: Bill | May 9, 2005 04:09 PM

Excellent John!!

This is why I have never seen any of the new movies, and have absolutely no interest.

Posted by: Steve Mielnicki | May 10, 2005 10:46 AM

"Yeah, and could you tell your mom to shave her back? She keeps shedding all over the hood of my car. Have her get that damed tongue wart looked at, it tickles when she''s rimming me. Make sure you ask her why her good night kisses taste so salty, I bet I know."
But you did say it, John. Look, no offense. The joke obviously went over your head. That line was from an old SNL skit with William Shatner. He said that in a skit about a Star Trek convention where a trekkie with obviously no life was asking him some arcane Star Trek question. Yeah, it was probably in bad taste but I thought it funnier than "get a life". Star Wars is obviously very important to you and you take it very seriously. I'm really sorry. Get a sense of humor.

Posted by: B | May 10, 2005 12:12 PM

Dude...this may shock you...but not everyone memorizes every line uttered by shatner.

There wasn't a joke there. It was a random line with no humorous context whatsoever. Without somehow memorizing everything Shatner's ever said, or SNL lines, (which, for obvious reasons in both cases, i have not), exactly what do YOU think that line looks like?

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 10, 2005 12:16 PM

I can fully understand someones desire to like or not like the prequal trilogy and compare it to the original trilogy, but after reading all this and that Salon.com article I am left wondering why so much energy and time is being expended analyzing these movies scene by scene? I mean c'mon, they are movies, not the Bible. If you like it great, if not thats unfortunate and I respect your opinion to that regard. I watch them because I like seeing the action and the special effects and the cool scenery and backgrounds. I love Jedi who's physical abilities far exceed ordinary peoples. I could care less though if Natalie Portman and Hayden Chritenson(sic) act like zombies or whatever, as long as their is some cool lightsaber action and driod battles and space combat scenes I am happy. I dont need fantastic Oscar-worthy performances from the actors to tell a story, its layed out plainly enough where I can easily understand it on my own.

I respect the fact that you dont want to give Lucas your money because you dont have faith in the product. There are alot of movies I originally planned to see but waited until DVD release and rented, and was glad that I didnt waste my money to see it in the theater. Im willing to spend the $8 to see it opening night because I go in to the theater with only one expectation, that I am entertained. I know there will be plot holes and terrible acting and inconsistencies and even editing problems etc etc. If I expected every movie to play out how I felt it should or how I felt the director or producer should do it I would be a very depressed and angry person from all the letdown. Perhaps, though, some good came come from a bad situation and you could donate the admission fee you wont be using to a charity like the Humane Society or ASPCA...just a thought:)

Posted by: MCW | May 10, 2005 12:50 PM

"I can fully understand someones desire to like or not like the prequal trilogy and compare it to the original trilogy, but after reading all this and that Salon.com article I am left wondering why so much energy and time is being expended analyzing these movies scene by scene? I mean c'mon, they are movies, not the Bible."

In response to your ill-conceived post, I for one can not believe you actually compared Star Wars to the Bible. Do you actually memorize the bible and, if so, do you actually think remembering lines from a movie is any different/worse? I respect that you have no real taste for proper entertainment, as you clearly only watch movies in order to see the shiny lights and flashing rays of color, but don't you think you can allow a fan to express his opinion on a website (which no one forced you to read by the way) without trying to belittle his views? The point is, anyone with a brain realizes that the cinematic catastrophe that was episode I (and II for that matter) were over-budgeted and horribly exploited films that received far too much credit. I'll be damned if someone like hayden christensen can get millions of dollars for staring blankly into a camera while lucas rubs him down with massage oils. Congratulations on not having any sort of taste in films (god forbid you actually have to think about things like plot or theme in a movie), along with not having enough balls to post your name on this forum. Now go watch XXX 2 and keep inbreeding, or whatever it is you do down there in Retardville.

Posted by: Jon Wilmot | May 10, 2005 01:42 PM

Its funny, I thought I was very civil and mature in my discussion, yet I receive a rabid response from an angry person who feels threatened. Nowhere in my post did I belittle anyone, infact I made absolutely sure to state several times that I respect the authors point of view and this is mine. My point with the Bible is the fact that it is a book that has been analyzed and reanalyzed over and over again for hundreds of years. A movie is a movie, it doesnt need to be analyzed for its subtle moral undertones or its merits or anything to that extent...most specifically referring to the salon.com article. It deserves to be pointed out that in most situations, the people who resort to personal attacks to get a rise from someone is the person with the least substance to their argument. I dont post my real name because who knows where a psycho like you might live. You seemed to fly off the handle pretty badly when I said nothing to warrant it, who knows what you would do if you got really pissed off. Wouldnt want you coming to Retardville and killing my inbred children now, would I? Or even worse, lecturing them on what is a quality movie and worthly of them watching....ohhh scary.

Posted by: MCW | May 10, 2005 01:59 PM

Finally, someone else has come upon what I have been wondering since Ep. I. What does balance mean? Is it really such a good idea? I would say no. Add to that: Anakin is the chosen one, Yoda meditates, feels his pain and suffering...is he going to do anything to help him? Heck no!

And you're right: explaining everything is the biggest crap of all. The charm of Star Wars, as opposed to Star Trek (don't wanna start a debate here), was that there was so much left unexplained, left to you imgination. So many things hinted at, which made you feel the universe was complete. What is the Ord-Mantel junkyard? I don't know, but it sounds like a real place. Must be important.

Jedi went from being fighting Shaolin-Monks to actual monks. That is the saddest thing of all.

Posted by: Jheurf | May 10, 2005 02:31 PM

Heres my take on the super-powered Jedi of the prequal trilogy versus the muted Jedi of the original trilogy. In the original movies, we only see 3 jedi, Obi-Wan, Yoda and Luke. Obi-Wan and Yoda are old men and likely not as physically able to respond to the Force as in their younger days. Luke is essentially barely a Jedi, he had maybe 1 month of training before facing off against Vader at Cloud City and maybe at most 6 more months of training before ROTJ. Jedi from the prequals train their entire lives, so I feel it is safe to assume that through years of training and practice the Jedi could become so attuned to the Force that they could have hyper-physical capabilities. Look at Luke in the final Death Star fight, he does back flips, jumps high up in the catwalks and has quite a bit more physical prowess than he did in ANH or ESB. Perhaps 5 or 10 years down the road as he truly masters the Force he will exhibit the abilities that the Jedi have in the prequals. It is stated numerous times that the Jedi are the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, so it would make sense that they would be the epitomy of human achievement. You wouldnt likely see Buddhist monks today being defenders of the world, but skilled Buddhist Shao-Lin monks are both spiritual and can kick butt better than anyone:)

Posted by: MCW | May 10, 2005 02:52 PM

Just to be sure I'm not misunderstood (even though it's kinda paradoxal):

In episodes IV to VI, from what we heard of the Jedi Order, they were wise and guardians of peace in the Galaxy.

In episodes I & II, we see they're a bunch of limp monks that spend their time reading, studying, investigating and not doing anything (especially no hanky-panky, which is the dumbest of all...isn'T Force sensitivity hereditary?). Only through manipulation do they act in the Clone War.

Yoda used to be Wise, in episode I he's just a dick ("you miss your mom? well you can't be a Jedi, you little shit")

Growing up, I wanted to be a Jedi. After episode I, they made me want to scream: "Do something you useless bastards!"

Posted by: Jheurf | May 10, 2005 07:39 PM

Y'know, the second I saw this show up on "Daypop Top 40" for today I knew that there would be a lot of additional reasoned prose...O.K., I'm lying, I just wanted to see how many hundreds of more posts had been splattered in here. I'm sadistic this way.

I must say, it didn't disappoint. What's funny is the comment "If you don't like it, don't watch it!" If you wanted proof that reading for content is dead; there it is. John SAYS Lucas isn't getting his money (I'll make it easy for you, use the "search" function on your damned browser). So... he's not allowed to be angry that he had hoped for a better movie and got crap?

Well, I guess that's what we little droogies should do; shut the hell up and pay our money for the swill that gets poured down our throats.

"Oh, I'm afraid that that the theatre will be quite operational by the time your friends arrive"

They could have been good, and I think, that's what's pissing John off. Would eps I & II have wowed back in '77? Sure they would have, and it I took a Pinto back to 1932 it would be heralded as a miracle of engineering! Your point is?

eps I & II just are not good, which is too bad. They could have been. I'll admit that I will likely hand off the cash to see III if only for the eye-candy, which looks impressive. After which point I STILL have the right to bitch about it if it suxes.

Posted by: W. Ian Blanton | May 10, 2005 10:30 PM

AHMEN BROTHER!

I will NOT pay to see this abomination. I wish the rest of the world would join me.

Posted by: gman | May 10, 2005 11:39 PM

I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE

Posted by: FG | May 11, 2005 01:25 AM

you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard you dirty bastard

Posted by: Ayden lee and s martyn | May 11, 2005 01:26 AM

you cant talk you fat bitch, i hate you , you bastard.

Posted by: ayden lee& samuel martyn | May 11, 2005 01:29 AM

Okay, on the last three comments, all of which come from two machines, namely prx5 & prx6.waceo.schools.net.au...

I've got IP addresses, times, headers, and domain information, including contact info for your machine domains and your IP domains. Now, i'm going to guess that you're on the young side, and therefore not thinking clearly. So I get an apology within 24 hours of your last post time, or I have a chat with the folks that run your domain.

And if I find out that you're a couple of high school prats on a lark, I'm going to make sure that it's a long time before you fuck with someone else's site ever again.

If you wish to intelligently argue with me about this, by all means, please, do. But this kind of crap gets you hit with the "Age and treachery always beats youth and enthusiasm" stick.

In the future, make sure the person you're fucking with hasn't been working networks longer than you've been alive, k?

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 11, 2005 06:19 AM

Cool. A little high in emotion, maybe not quite as much technical style as I'd like, but it's a 9 all round. (The Soviet judge wanted to give it a 7, but I bitchslapped him until his ears bled.)

Brother, your comment on jumping-bean Yoda came from the heart. I'm used to learning from stout, elderly ju-jitsu teachers who can near as dammit disembowel you simply by doing the Roger Moore Eyebrow Lift. Georgie-boy's vision of a centuries-old master seems to have come from watching too many Hong Kong Phooey cartoons in his couch potato youth.

My four-year-old kid loves the Star Wars stuff, and when the new flick comes out here in Australia, it should be near enough to his birthday that I want him to see it. But you know, I'm gonna make his mother take him. I'm way too old to put my face next to Lucas' ass again. I've been farted on enough.

Posted by: Dirk Flinthart | May 11, 2005 07:20 AM

John, I would stand and applaud if it wouldn't draw the attention of the rest of the cube farm. Thank you for putting into words almost everything I've been thinking about the "new trilogy"--I say "almost" because the notion of Han being a (potential) furry never occurred in the decidedly dark depths of my imagination--there are just some places man was not meant to boldy go.

Pseudo-humorous ramblings aside, thank you.

Posted by: JB Whelan | May 11, 2005 08:51 AM

Just FYI, the actual author of the first Star Wars book was Science Fiction writer Alan Dean Foster not Lucas. He mentions it on his webpage's FAQ.

Posted by: Christopher Harrington | May 11, 2005 10:58 AM

Back in February 14, 2004, I said the same thing about Han and the shooting first issue, it's a MAJOR subplot. Feel free to chaeck it out.

http://www.backwash.com/content.php?jouid=8014

Posted by: penty | May 11, 2005 12:59 PM

A movie is a movie, it doesnt need to be analyzed for its subtle moral undertones or its merits or anything to that extent...

Lots of people seem to think that, which is probably why so much of what is churned out of Hollywood lately remarkably resembles raw sewage.

Love the rant; agree 110%.

Posted by: bizarrogirl | May 11, 2005 02:41 PM

Did you get into the character of Anakin before you wrote that whiney teen piece?

Posted by: Gareth Hay | May 11, 2005 03:04 PM

Ouch! Burn!

Posted by: Jheurf | May 11, 2005 05:06 PM

Booya! Good show, dude! I think you are absolutely right, though a bit flamy in places. :-)

Posted by: Elim Garak | May 11, 2005 08:36 PM

Did I get into the character of Anakin?

Whatever for? Maybe you should ask Lucas that, since he seems to think that "Whiny Bitch" == "Teh EEEEVUL"

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 12, 2005 05:52 PM

I am surprised you didn't even go into the abuses of physics that occur in the second of the prequels. Truly amazing stuff, great stunts, etc. Unfortunately, in real life jumping off of a speeding flyer and dropping several hundred meters onto another flyer going in another direction would get you turned into a fine mist. People may say "Yeah, but it's a movie!" or even worse, "Hey, this is science fiction." I also hate movies where the action is excessive and unrealistic (especially the clip in the pistol that never needs replacing, but also the 2x4 across the side of the head that doesn't even phase the fighter-unless you hang out with people on PCP, that doesn't happen). As for the science fiction argument, there is a key to the inherent fallacy. It isn't "fantastic fiction", but science is often forgotten. I see nothing so fantastic about the force as portrayed in the original movies: there are some things in the world you just can't explain. But in this whole prequel nonsense, things just get out of hand.

Another thing was in that first prequel, with the little kid in the landscooter. It reminded me of saturday morning cartoon logic. You understand that little kids are watching, and they are having all sorts of power struggles with their parents. They want to see a little kid who can do ANYTHING, even if they can't even ride a bike yet. The inherent cuteness factor of it made me gag, and there are other disturbing aspects of adults who tell children that they are the best, and oh so special. Consider Michael Jackson as a case in point. So overall, I agree with you, but there are so many other faults with this damned prequel that it is sad. The original Star Wars was pure space opera. This prequel business is for marketing toys to spoiled little brats.

Posted by: Phil Hickey | May 13, 2005 07:27 AM

"There are two groups of fans for my films: one group over 25, and the other under 25. The people in their 30s and 40s love the first three, and they are in control of the media and the web.

"The more recent ones are fantastically adored by people under 25 and the devotion of each group is about equal ... but one group can express themselves more loudly than the others.

"It will be interesting to see what happens in 10 years when the younger group has grown older."

-- George Lucas

Posted by: Alex Maccise | May 16, 2005 12:01 AM

Did I get into the character of Anakin?

Whatever for? Maybe you should ask Lucas that, since he seems to think that "Whiny Bitch" == "Teh EEEEVUL"

Hmm, what really was my point?

waves hand these ARE the prequels you are looking for.

Posted by: Gareth Hay | May 16, 2005 07:00 AM

Lucas is the "Whiny Bitch" I'm 27, so I guess I straddle the 2 groups, and I hated I and II. Sure, 12 years kids will love it: it's full of flashy things and toys. But toys don't make a movie. Hey I loved Commando and Predator 2 as a kid. Does that make them good movies!

Even before ep.I came out, I was worride: the guys hasn't done a film in like 20 years. And I was right to be worried.

I don't blame him for defending himself, but he should try and listen to critism and build on it. I'm sorry, but you don't have to be over 25 to know that "...you are all that is soft and beautyful" is just an aweful line and that Anakins British accent is atrocious.

Posted by: Jheurf | May 16, 2005 08:53 AM

*Sorry for all the typos above, I should re-read myself before posting.*

...and people below 25 are the people that are typically being marketed to. So of course they liked the movies more: it was made for the! 'Caus let's not kid ourselves, eps I and II are pure marketing.

Posted by: Jheurf | May 16, 2005 02:52 PM

May I just add that I am in the 25 and under age bracket that George is apparently marketing to (although I made it just barely), and I can't stand the new movies. My roommate, on the other hand, fits nicely into the older age bracket and loves the new films.

And I am a huge fan of the original trilogy. I can proudly wear my geek hat and wave my Star Wars collectible action figures still in their little boxes, my collected screenplays, and my autographed picture of C3-PO.

But the new films are crap. Feces. Excrement. For all the reasons that you have so lovingly detailed, John.

But for one that you missed, too. At least for me. The reason I loved the first three movies was because I could relate to the characters. Dude, that naive farmboy, out in the world for the first time? That was me. Leia, a woman who was able to take charge of her own rescue and not be a damsel in distress all the time? That was me, too! Lando, trying to protect what he built. I got that too! I wanted to be as cool and flippant as Han. I wanted to have a big furry walking carpet with FANGS for a best friend, cause, Dude, I bet Chewie could have kicked some major ass. Even the Abott and Costello routine of R2-D2 and C3-PO was funny, and relatable. Hell, Vader was relatable just because he sort of represented everything that was scary about authority figures for me. And the Emporer was that creepy thing that crawled out from under your bed at night.

There is nothing in the new films for me to catch hold of. Obi-wan and Qui-Gon were flat, and I never found myself really *interested* in either of them. Anakin? Weird creepy little boy in the first movie, then angsty bitchfest in the second? If Anakin lived in our world, you just know he'd be a Goth, complete with bad eye makeup. Why would I *want* to relate to that? Padme? Padme was cool in the first movie. The only character I liked. But then she actually went and fell in love with this complete loser? Why? All my respect for her went straight down the tubes. So who does that leave for me to like? Jar-Jar? Hardly.

The acting was never wonderful in any of the movies, but the characters in the original films were likable, even lovable, or they struck some chord in you that made you go "YES! I know this! I recognize this!" and it put you into the films.

The new films are all so overblown. The CGI isn't quite real enough to convince me. I spend all my time going "Look at the pretty computer art" and none of my time believing a minute of it.

That's where Lucas failed me. He took that Joseph Campbell Hero's Journey and turned it into an Emo song. I craved the story of the fall of Anakin, the story of a Brutus like man, the champion of the Jedi, who fell from grace to become what he became. Instead I got a "protagonist" who I could not relate to, could not like, or respect, and could no longer fear.

Some of you have challenged us nay-sayers to "Do better" if we think we can. Well I know I can. I have the perfect story of Vader's fall. The perfect movie ending to these prequels. It's in my head, and I plan on keeping it there, and not sandblasting it out with Lucas's masturbatory crap. Which is why, faithful follower that I once was, who sat through the first two films thinking that there was some hope, I refuse to see this one.

I'm sorry Georgie, you lost my eight dollars. And all of my respect.

Posted by: Melissa | May 17, 2005 09:12 AM

Brin's not the first SF author to have a pop at Lucas for the elitist, anti-democratic and authoritarian streak in Star Wars - Michael Moorcock wrote a great essay called "Starship Stormtroopers" after the release of the original film (do a google search for "MIchael Moorcock Starship Stormtroopers" if you fancy a read). As he put it: "This sort of implicit paternalism is seen in high relief in the currently popular Star Wars series which also presents a somewhat disturbing anti-rationalism in its quasi-religious 'Force' which unites the Jedi Knights... and upon whose power they can draw, like some holy brotherhood, some band of Knights Templar. Star Wars is a pure example of the genre (in that it is a compendium of other people's ideas) in its implicit structure -- quasi-children, fighting for a paternalistic authority, win through in the end and stand bashfully before the princess while medals are placed around their necks."

Posted by: Ian Betteridge | May 17, 2005 01:23 PM

I just wish that George would have let someone capable of directing this do so.

But he didn't, and this...spasm of ego and unlimited funds is what we have.

I'm glad he's not going to do the last three...because i'd hate to see 9 hours of "kumbaya, Jedi-Style"

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 17, 2005 05:44 PM

You're a fucking dumbass. Please do the world a favor and eat the buisness end of a loaded shotgun.

Eat shit and die.

Posted by: Go fuck yourself | May 17, 2005 11:39 PM

Obviously a JarJar fan.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 18, 2005 12:03 AM

I would front the possibility that George may spin the Leia/Padme continuity issue by using that as "foreshadowing" or something like that how Leia remembers her mother by using the force before she was born... Like she was able to sense her mother's feelings and actions by using the force. Even that (possibly the best anyone could come up with to iron out that wrinkle) is a bit lame.

I wonder how long until someone starts a Star Wars fan club that denies the prequel trilogy ever happened, or at least doesn't consider it to be within the "canon" of the trilogy.

Posted by: Adam | May 18, 2005 01:18 PM

spasm of ego and unlimited funds

I love it!

Posted by: Jheurf | May 18, 2005 05:43 PM

totally agree with all the sentiments in the original commentary. brilliant article on just how lucas has pissed on all that was great about the star wars trilogy in tribute of the mighty dollar.

Posted by: james | May 19, 2005 03:02 PM

Star Wars isn't quite done with the revisionism:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2004-09-22

Posted by: tetsu | May 20, 2005 12:21 AM

Thanks for the great rant. I, too, carry a fondness for the Star Wars of my childhood/youth, and have been profoundly disappointed by Lucas' tinkering with the original three films and attempt to complete the story with Episodes I-III. Yes, it is a space opera and cannot really be considered high art, but, then, I don't think any of us were looking for that. I think most fans (or former fans) just wanted a story that made some sense, characters who actually developed, some cool special effects etc. Something that changed the way we viewed the movies, the way Star Wars did so long ago.

I DID go to see Episode III (I caved, I'll admit it), and--though I'm hardly an expert--I came out wondering the following:

1) If Palpatine's former master was so powerful that he could tamper with the midi-chlorians (which just sound like toilet bowl cleaner to me) and "create life", wouldn't that kind of tampering have created one serious mother of a disturbance in the Force? Wouldn't the Jedi have noticed that BEFORE Obi Wan and company happened upon little Anakin and the Blessed Virgin?

2) If the evil clones were being controlled by the dark side of the Force from the get-go, again, wouldn't the Jedi who were leading them into battle unawares maybe have felt some kind of tickly "all the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up" kind of disturbance in the Force BEFORE they were slaughtered? They were masters, not younglings, weren't they? (younglings???)

3) The one that kept me up last night questioning how much I had really absorbed from the movies of my childhood: IF "everything is transpiring (sic) exactly as [the Emperor has]forseen" (VI), how did he not know that Padme's burial with a pregnant belly was a ruse? Or IF he knew that the kid(s) had survived, and he believed them to be a threat to his hold over Vader, how the hell did he not know where they were? Leia, okay, that may have been less obvious. But HELLO--you give Vader's kid back to the FAMILY?? In 18 years, no one ever passed by Tatooine and reported back that "Hey, yeah, the family's fine. Nice looking kid they've got--blonde, blue-green eyes, square chin. Impulsive, though. Good pilot, we hear. Funny that they told everyone they couldn't have children of their own. Huh. How old is the kid? Oh, I don't know, about the same age as your black suit . . ." ??? Right, right, right, the Emperor was just waiting for the precise moment he could turn son against father in VI (and did that turn out exactly as he had forseen, too?)

I had always just assumed that Vader didn't even know there was the possibility of fatherhood (a la--there was a wife, but he had not learned she was pregnant before he turned; upon meeting Luke, he guessed the truth based on probability rather than certainty), therefore had never given any thought to looking for his lost offspring while he was busy killing people and ruling the galaxy. Does it seem likely that a villian that evil (except that he isn't, as you say, really anything more than a petulant teenager), a villian destined to become "more powerful" than the Emperor himself (who, if we go by the expanded rules of The Force, should have been able to sense the children from the moment they were born), a villian who had become completely detached from any goodness he'd once had, wouldn't have VERIFIED that his offspring perished with his wife? The balance of the entire story arc hinges on this one massive suspension of disbelief.

So many holes, so many lame duck attempts at character development, so little REAL motivation for evil (as you so rightly pointed out) . . .

So sad.

Posted by: Rufus | May 20, 2005 12:05 PM

I know it's a sacrilege to you bitter old men, but really, the prequel trilogy is just as good as the old one - or as bad, depending on your point of view. Except for plain dopey-eyed nostalgia, there isn't any point in making a difference between the two.

What most people fail to realise, and what is so ironic (and amusing) about the debate here is that most of the criticism launched by old-school Star Wars fanboys against the new movies is exactly the same stuff people said about Episodes IV, V and VI twenty years ago. Let's examine a few examples:

"The prequels suck because of the wooden acting. Hayden Christensen is terrible."

Christensen's performance in "Attack of the Clones" may indeed be debatable (I haven't seen "Revenge of the Sith" yet, which is supposedly an improvement), but I wouldn't hold that against him. Anyone who has seen "Shattered Glass" can attest that the guy is indeed quite a good actor. I think an argument can be made that people who act badly in George Lucas movies are not bad actors, they're just in George Lucas movies...

And that symptome goes back a long way. Let's face it - Mark Hamill was just as wooden in the originals as Christensen is now (and he was heavily criticised for it at the time, which people tend to forget now). Granted, Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher did a fair job, but then, they didn't have particularly difficult parts to play, and they arguably had the most sympathetic roles. Most of the other performances ranged from mediocre to plain bad, though - even the great Alec Guinness never looked comfortable as Obi-Wan (and as we know, he wasn't!).

As a matter of fact, for anyone objective enough to look, there are plenty of good performances in Episodes I, II and III. Ewan McGregor is terrific as a young Obi-Wan, with his mixture of nobility and mischief. Samuel Jackson is doing a fine job, as was Liam Neeson in "Phantom Menace". Christopher Lee is a magnificent, charismatic villain in "Attack of the Clones". Even more so Ian McDiarmid, who is thoroughly enjoying himself as the insidious Chancellor / Emperor - arguably the best acting in any of the six movies, I for one love every scene he is in. No, I really don't think the acting, generally speaking, is any worse than it was back in 1977, unless you only look back on the old films through rose-colored glasses.

"The prequels suck because of the horrible dialogue."

Excuse me, but the original trilogy wasn't known for its Shakespearean wordcraft, either, was it? One of the reasons why Alec Guinnes loathed his part (and repeatedly implored George Lucas to cancel all appearances by Obi-Wan) was because he got tired of speaking "all those bloody awful, banal lines". "Use the force, Luke!" and other such hilarities. No, if dialogue is your thing, then in all fairness, you shouldn't like the original trilogy, either - better go out and watch "Fanny and Alexander" instead.

"I just hate Jar-Jar Binks."

Fair enough, he is mighty annoying. But what you fail to remember is how much people used to hate C3PO back in 1977 - it almost makes Jar-Jar look like a well-loved character. I'm not even starting about the Ewoks... Once again, this sort of criticism might just as well apply to the old movies.

"There's too much special effects in the prequels, it's all CGI and computer graphics."

This argument strikes me as particularly funny, given that we are watching Star Wars - which has always been on the forefront of cinema wizardry, then and now. What else do you expect? Usually, by the way, it's voiced by people who wouldn't know their butt from a hole in the ground when it comes to computer technology. From what I can reconstruct of their blabberings, it seems they assume that the old Star Wars movies are somehow "superior" because they used "real" models and puppets instead of all-digital creations - an amazingly silly complaint if you think about it, isn't it?

The fact is, creating special effects of this quality and magnitude demands a lot of creativity, imagination, and long hours of good, old-fashioned work - whether your tool is an old battleship kit in 1977 or a graphics program in 2005 doesn't make much of a difference. At the end of the day, it's the human effort that makes the difference. So, people, just learn to accept that technology progresses, will you? And be glad that the tools of today allow an even more spectacular and immersive experience for the viewer. Really, it's beyond me why Star Wars fans, of all people, should get these pig-headed, archaic notions...

By the way - the whole "too much reliance on special effects" argument sounds vaguely familiar to what most movie critics were saying about Star Wars back when it first came out. And wouldn't you know it!

"'Attack of the Clones' is such a silly title."

Another interesting complaint I once heard from an old-school fanboy. Which, again, strikes me as particularly amusing when you think about the B-movie hokum of titles like "The Empire Strikes Back" or "Return of the Jedi". Need I say any more?

"Episodes V and VI were the best because they were not directed by Lucas."

So you think Kershner and Marquand are great directors, do you? Oh my. I'd say mediocre at best, as is evident when you look at the remainder of their work. "Robocop 2", anyone?

Let's not kid ourselves - whatever flaws the Star Wars movies have, they are just as readily apparent in "Empire" and "Return" as in any other installment.

"It's just not Star Wars anymore. It hasn't got the magic."

Usually, this is the last, lame argument an old-school fanboy will fall back to. After admitting that, yes, the acting, the dialogue, the overwrought special effects and everything else was, after all, just as bad in 1977 as it is now, he'll come out with this last line of defence, this irrational assertion that, somehow, "the magic" is gone.

Of course, the magic is gone - you've grown up, pal! Simple as that.

And this is perhaps the simple, and quite complicated, centre of the whole issue. There is this generation of old Star Wars fans out there, who saw the movies when they were kids or adolescents. They were there when "A New Hope" (or just plain "Star Wars", for a real old-timer), "Empire" and "Return" first came out. They saw those movies at a particularly impressionable age, which made them form a special bond with them. They've been collecting Star Wars memorablilia and writing fan fiction for the past 25 years. And now, when they watch the prequels and for some reason don't get the same feeling they had back at the age of sixteen in 1980 when they first saw Vader chop off Luke's hand in that climactic duel, they get all bitter and agitated and complain that "the magic" is gone, that ol' George has lost his way, that the prequels suck and should never have been made, and blah blah blah. And if George Lucas came out with the Citizen Kane of space opera movies tomorrow, they would in all probability still refuse to like it as much as the old, holy Star Wars trilogy.

So let's face it, people, and let's be objective about this - the only thing that's really changed is you. As for Star Wars Episodes I, II and III, they are just as good (or bad) as the ones from twenty years ago: a fun space opera with the greatest special effects you ever saw, horrible dialogue and generally wooden acting. An epic storyline about fall from grace, redemption and dime-store Zen mysticism (read: Jedi and The Force), hardly original, but handled in an interesting way, and with some likeable characters. Nothing more, nothing less.

I for one, I like all of the movies (yes, even "The Phantom Menace"), and I'm not prepared to buy into the sort of nostalgia and revisionism that builds the originals up as the holy trinity of moviedom (which they were not) and sells the new ones below their worth. Now that the saga is complete, Star Wars fans, maybe it's time to grow up after all - part of that process would be to put down your rose-colored glasses and be mature in your judgment.

And if you still can't stop complaining, get your rocking chair out to the porch and mutter to yourself there - the rest of us have some great movies to watch, you know. Six of them.

Posted by: Christoph Stappert | May 20, 2005 06:11 PM

You know, I love how everyone telling me i'm wrong, (it's an opinion, you can agree or not, but it can't be wrong OR right to begin with), always seems to come back to assuming that i think of the original 3 movies as great sci-fi that changed my life.

Which is really funny, because I don't.

I was ten when Star Wars came out. It was...okay. Shit blowing up. Light Sabers. The force, whatever the hell that was. Saw it with some friends. That was about it. When it came back BIG, we were like WTF? It was *okay* but not GREAT.

You want a movie that literally changed my life? "Jaws"

"Jaws" scared the shit out of me, (of course I was like 7 when I saw it because my dad thought it would be fun. Dad was kinda dumb sometimes.) "Jaws" scared me SO badly I was EIGHTEEN before i would voluntarily get in a pool by myself.

Alien. Alien was one of the top three or four sci-fi movies i've ever seen. You want to see what an explosion should look like? Watch the "Nostromo" go up. Now THAT is what an explosion should look like. "Alien" gave me a love for directors who don't club you over the head with things, who wait for the right moment. When the alien unfolds itself from that wee cubby on the shuttle...god, I was freaking out.

What I liked about Star Wars, Empire, and Return was that they were fun. They had fun moments. They didn't club you over the head with the Force. Hell, even at the end of Return, you didn't really know what the Force was. Of course that made it cool. Face it, the Force of 4-6 is a HELL of a lot better than the Cosmic Cholera of 1-3. You didn't really know a lot of details, but that was okay. You didn't have to. Fun overrides details.

But when a movie isn't fun, you start noticing details. Like Lucas's inability to direct actors so they don't suck. Lucas is a great big picture guy and a great editor. But he sucks as a director. I mean...the one comment about Yoda's battle cry sounding like Grover? Dead on. Watch the fight scenes between Maul and the other two in episode 1. Watch how lame they are. No rehersal. If they'd been subvocalizing "okay, block high, step, overhand, step block low" they could not have sucked more.

In the end, they treat the audience like we're stupid. But then, Lucas only cares about the movies to the extent they push toys, and he'll sacrifice everything if it means he sells another Darth Vader Happy Meal.

The original three Star Wars movies weren't great cinema, but they were FUN cinema. The latest 3? Nah, they just suck. So does Lucas.

Thank god for Battlestar Galactica. At least those guys get that you can have intelligent fun Sci-Fi.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 20, 2005 07:26 PM

I just finished reading your I hate Lucas entry, and I'm about 30 minutes removed from watching the best three movies ever made, turned into the biggest pile of crap, ever by a third and ever more so pointless installment by Mr. Lucas. I was just wondering, is there any way I can get my 14 bucks back and that 147 minutes of my life?

Posted by: Bob | May 21, 2005 12:11 AM

Let's just say that I don't feel bad to hear the movie's being pirated.

I'm not thinking they're the BEST movies ever made, but they deserved better than the ass-raping they've received at the hands of their creator.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 21, 2005 12:22 AM

Y'all just jalours, George Lucas is brillian't he tha Man, Go ahead George make 10 more sequalzzzz!!

Posted by: damotzz | May 21, 2005 08:29 AM

John, I couldn't agree less with you... Don't hate me but. At some point you are asking for realism in Sci-Fi film... je je... And where is the scene of flying Jedi? They fall just like everyone else unless they catch something or another Jedi catches them. The force has a scientific explanation... Oh! Is not consistent with reality? No, because the force isn't real. Because the Jedi disappear teh knowledge of the force (light side) gets weaker, the greedy dark side concentrated in two people, that are now less powerful than his predecessors, because the force is global not local if one side gets weaker the other can't be all powerful. Anakin suffers a lot. You seem to forget watching his mother die and the constant nightmares. Can you imagine having nightmares that your mother dies, tehn watching her die, giving yourself to anger, and when you finally think it is over you start having nightmares that the woman you love will die? And the only one saying he will help turns out to be the bad guy? Easy decision? I don't think so... Finally, you should erase the comment about Leia... They are hiding him from Vader, Leia thinks she knows her mother and naturally thinks that's Luke mother too, but she is wrong, because Obi-Wan is not an asshole.

Posted by: Alfredo Octavio | May 21, 2005 11:17 AM

Alfredo, you can't even EXPLAIN why you disagree coherently, which is one of the reasons the first three movies suck. They lack coherency. Sorry, but Vader in the first three movies is not evil, just a whiny bitch.

And i'm not erasing anything. If Lucas can't be bothered to be coherent with his own films, why should I reward him.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 21, 2005 12:03 PM

Thank god for Battlestar Galactica. At least those guys get that you can have intelligent fun Sci-Fi.

Heh. To quote someone from a totally different movie, "Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony." I remember when the original Battlestar Galactica came out around 1978, and people were saying that it was a craptacular ripoff of Star Wars. And the original Star Wars was terrific, because of its joie de vivre and because it had terrific characters, characters who risk everything to win a battle that MUST be won.

But it seems that fate is not without a sense of irony, because George Lucas seems to have been making Star Wars prequels with dull-as-dishwater characters who win their battles by accident as often as not. I just watched The Phantom Menace for the first time a couple of nights ago, in which the battle was won [***SPOILERS HERE***] after little Anakin destroys the Trade-Federation orbital station BY ACCIDENT, and in which Jar-Jar Binks, made a general (for Pete's sake) by the head of the Gungans, wins his battle against the droid infantry BY ACCIDENT, WHILE RETREATING. Somehow I can just picture Han Solo and Chewbacca looking upon the events of Episode I and shaking their heads in baffled disgust.

And we're supposed to accept the word of 21st-century fanboys that the new trilogy is every bit as good as the old one? If this is Lucas's idea of a great story, then he deserves to get beaten in the story-and-character department by Battlestar Galactica.

Posted by: Aitch748 | May 22, 2005 08:33 AM

"Alfredo, you can't even EXPLAIN why you disagree coherently, which is one of the reasons the first three movies suck. Eh? So, now it's all my fault? LOL. I couldn't resist.

Posted by: Alfredo Octavio | May 22, 2005 08:35 PM

"Oh yeah, Amidala dying right as the kids are born? Smooth move Lucas, way to keep continuity with “Jedi”. I suppose you'll have to edit out scene where Leia tells Luke about their mother. Way to know your own work, idiot."

She wasn't refering to Padme, she was talking about Mrs. Organa. Which is why no one offers her condolenses about her _parents_, just her _father_. She doesn't know Padme Amidala was her mother.

I agree completely about the butchering of the first three movies (Star Wars - Jedi). WHen my brother and I were discussing it, my father asked why we cared, weren't they the same movies? I asked him how he would feel if Coppola went back and edited a digital dance number into the first Godfather.

Speaknig of "The Godfather," did you know Lucas helped edit that? In fact, he saved the Hospital scene by adding in the begining and ending of scenes to show show empty hallways, adding to the tension. For more info, check out the Godfather commentary track.

I'm not a huge fan of I-III, mostly because, as my brother points out, they're missing a Han Solos character.

Anyway, you make some good points.

Posted by: thedevilsam | May 23, 2005 09:48 AM

Christoph, spot on.

John, I can't belive you still can't see the oxymoronity of your argument here.e

All Hail Lucas and here's to the 3 sequels to the original trilogy

Posted by: Gareth Hay | May 24, 2005 10:15 AM

What oxymoron? Lucas sucks balls as a director. He's a FANTASTIC editor, good enough to make up for his craptacular directing...sometimes. But he should never be, for any reason, allowed to direct.

For some reason, y'all think that Star Wars was this halcyon moment in my life. It really wasn't. The only Star Wars toy I owned was a Boba Fett that I found in an alley, and promptly destroyed via 3 Estes "D" rocket engines.

That was it.

I don't own the special edition of the original movies on DVD, or VHS. I MAY have the original releases on VHS, but i'm not sure.

I liked the first three films. They were fun. they had good character growth. Where does Anakin or ANYONE grow in the first three? Anakin can't even be evil, just a frustrated teenybopper, so stupid and easily manipulated that he may as well become a sith because Sidious gave him some nice candy.

The movie's crap and the dialog is reminiscent of outtakes from rejected mary sue fanfic.

Vomitous amounts of CGI doesn't make a film not suck.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 24, 2005 02:59 PM

Oh yeah, and in 1-3, the jedi come off like a total bunch of obnoxious dicks too. Probably better that they all died.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 24, 2005 03:00 PM

I'm so tired of the old trilogy fans like this guy yammering on for hours about Lucas....as if Lucas owes him something. I grew up on the OT and I love the PT as well. I went into those movies expecting a Star Wars experience, not a rehashing of the OT. It's safe to say that this person is not indicitave of most of the Star Wars fans out there. IE, we are not bitter, cynical and stuck in the past. Buddy, I feel for you. If you really hate the PT and Lucas that much, then walk away. Turn around, leave SW behind for the people who care about it and don't come back.

Posted by: Sick of this Crap | May 24, 2005 09:29 PM

Oh wah. Someone doesn't like your favorite movies. Get over it. I know this is not a short rant, and yet you read it anyway. Thanks for the hit, but why bother?

And if Lucas wants my money for his movies or his toys, then yeah sparky, he DOES owe me something...something worth paying for. See, that's how it works in the land of the intelligent. You don't reward suck by giving the creator money and saying "That really sucked, but here's some money anyway". That isn't proper incentive.

I have this radical idea that if something really sucks, DON'T PAY FOR IT! So while all the reviews and every person I know who's seen it all say the same thing...the acting blew chunks, the CGI was good, albeit everywhere, including places it wasn't needed, and it was better than episodes 1-2, no one (whose opinion i trust), has said, "It was a really good movie, and a fun waste of two hours". Most of them are seeing it to say they did, and because they already saw the other two.

I did something for that reason once: I read the first five books of "Dune", one after the other. Never again. I didn't see the third LOTR movie, because the only reason I could come up with for doing so was "I've seen the first two, may as well". Nope. Sorry. Not enough of a reason.

I know this is hard for you to fathom, but there really are people who don't slap down money because Lucas has gotten so delusional that he thinks he deserves money for anything that says "Star Wars". The Jedi mind trick is only a special effect. Again, shitty movie == john no pay, john no see. Although at this point, not seeing it just to see the LucasFanBoys whine has a bit of a reward too.

Is that simple enough for you?

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 25, 2005 06:58 AM

man, this guy really needs to get a job and move out of his mother's houses. It's a MMMOOOVVVIIIEEE!!! It's not supposed to be real life and has no significant value other than to entertain. I don't go into a movie to pick apart every single frame, and because of that i leave the theatre entertained. Next time you go into the theatre, you ought to try that and maybe, just maybe you can manage to suppress your overwhelming nerdiness and manage to be entertained.

Posted by: the_force | May 25, 2005 05:38 PM

buhahahahahahaha

You don't even like Star Wars yet you spend hours of your life slagging off it's creator, and eventually by the end of this thread, the original movies too!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Americans never leave their own country.

Posted by: Gareth Hay | May 26, 2005 07:56 AM

No, I actually, for all their flaws, like the first three. I'm not a FAAAAAAAAAN, but I enjoy them. They have a humanity about them that Episodes 1-3 lack. I can enjoy them for both the fun aspects and the larger themes that they portray well. 1-3 remind me of the Bass-Rankin Cartoon version of Return of the King...

I'm not really sure what that has to do with Americans traveling, other than our president's a dick and we're kinda not welcome in a lot of places. As for me personally, I'm a bit of a workaholic.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 26, 2005 08:45 AM

weird, weird, weird. good though, this site has entertained me for weeks now. i still agree with john c and his original post (apart from the comments about GL's editing), and even though i venomously disagree with what some others have offered by way of retorts, some fair points have been made.

to say that ep's I-III are as good as the originals and that the difference is our age is an insult to everyone's intelligence. a plain crap, smart-ass response. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know the difference between a well-made film and a poor one, subjectivity of opinion aside. i also think mark hamill's acting abilities are damn fine (he gave us luke skywalker for christ's sake) and those who say otherwise are usually yawn-quoting from the critics of 1977 and ever since. i also think the same when i hear people banging on about what a great editor GL is, and yeah i've read all that too but i don't really believe it, not that i think his editing is terrible or anything, but is one referring to the big picture or literally the technical cuts, the way a scene is presented? there is faaaaaaaaar too much fat in the new films, which IS an editing problem (and a writing problem) above all else. i personally cannot even consider 'attack of the clones' to be a movie at all. i'm not talking about CGI versus models and puppets, or even good acting versus bad (although i have plenty to say about both), i'm just talking about the movie's flow, its pace, the necessity of its scenes and its characters. AOTC was merely a series-of-predicaments, almost every one of them suspenseless because of their lack of context.

to get down to it, i think the problem is that there's only one story to tell here, how anakin became vader, and to be fair, there clearly isn't six hours' worth of story to tell. the telling is restricted by the fact that it has to be a trilogy, and not only that but each episode must be two hours long, both for the sake of tradition, it would seem.

i could go on forever, really i could, but what would be the point of that? there has been enough flaming and disagreeing here already, and most of it has been fun but what happens next john, where is this all going? will this site remain online until the debate continues ad infinitum? you have a point when you say that the defenders of the new films weren't asked to come read your post in the first place, but at the same time you surely know that you are going to start an almighty debate and that not everyone will be on your side, especially when you criticise grammatical abilities (really, you could be talking to ANYONE, maybe someone who simply doesn't have a great command of the english language).

anyway my feet are itching so i'm going. i'm thoroughly loving this debate and every single one of you who has contributed so far can only have done so because you care (with a couple of exclusions). so let's not have any of this tedious "oh it's just a movie" yawnshit anymore okay, if it's that simple then it's real easy for you to go and watch another "just a movie", and another, and another, and take nothing away from any of them outside of their fucking 'entertainment factor'.

Posted by: gogogo! | May 26, 2005 12:19 PM

Most of the grammatical stuff i criticize isn't due to language differences. (I've dealt extensively with both Korean and Spanish speakers, there's a pattern to that kind of thing), but rather people who can't be bothered to write correctly.

Posted by: John C. Welch | May 26, 2005 04:13 PM

GO TO HELL U BITCH

Posted by: bob | May 31, 2005 04:32 PM

Oh well. Revenge of the Sith? Man, now George Lucas took a shit at directing. Eventually episodes 7,8 and 9, they say? Please, no! Don't let Lucas go any further. Its about enough Star Wars, ever. Since I am trully dissappointed, I can only hope to see other cool, different, yet to come, science fiction/adventures...

Posted by: Rick Hardslab | May 31, 2005 10:34 PM

George Lucas is not a great editor- look at the amount of crap that was in ROTJ, AOTC, PM, and ROTS. Way too many excess scenes that detracted from the storyline.

Also its worth remembering that it was his ex-wife and her team that won an Academy Award for editing Star Wars in 1977. In 1997, Lucas put back all the crap she cut out- and boy did it suck.

Posted by: Wylie Wilde | June 1, 2005 10:38 PM

U ALL CHAT MACCA AS IF U CUD DIRECT A FILM YOU PRICKS U ALL NEED 2 FIX UP A BIT

Posted by: NIK | June 7, 2005 10:15 AM

Hey Bynk! Guess what? I saw an ad last night that the American Film Institute is giving ol' Georgie a "Lifetime Achievment Award" for his work on the 20th -- ain't that a hoot?

Posted by: micha (aka Michael in Mississippi) | June 8, 2005 08:24 PM

who ever wrote this is a stupid low life scum i think you should shut you big fat mouth up and you should keep your comments to your self just becuse you hate george lucas dosent mean every else does P.S you need therapy

Posted by: emma brooks | June 21, 2005 11:03 AM

Wait, I'm lowlife scum because I think George Lucas sucks balls as a director, and I'M the one that needs therapy?

You found, somehow, an rant written over a month ago, read at least part of it, and the best you can do is that?

you'd have been better off just typing OMGWTFALDERAAN!!!1!USUXX0R$!!

if that's what passes for debating skillz among the Star Wars Cognoscenti, I now have a much better understanding of why Lucas seems to direct as though his audience had the intellect of a brain - damaged duck...

I may be overestimating his audience's intelligence.

Posted by: John C. Welch | June 21, 2005 11:33 AM

i think luke should suck her tits and snog her lips and kiss her butt hole

Posted by: Boobs | June 24, 2005 01:55 AM

yep its nice with leia cos i have snoged the actor of her for 2hrs not stopping

Posted by: Boobs | June 24, 2005 01:57 AM

Ah, the sweet prose of Star Wars fanboys. It's truly a joy to read.

Posted by: John C. Welch | June 25, 2005 01:42 AM

you can be pissed off. you seem to really love star wars, at least the original three. this being said, how can you trash george lucas? did he come to your house with a mother fucking gun and make you look at two hours of jar-jar? no. you just seem to wanna bash something that is held in high regards by modern popular culture. oh, people like star wars??? not me, i'm different and cool and have good opinions that all involve making fun of george lucas for a few mistakes, even though he created what i claim he destroyed. without lucas there would never have been a death star, darth vader, skywalker, anything. he made it all happen, and you act as though it's all yours and he's messing with it. that's like saying that someone who wrote a story can no longer revise it because someone along the way liked the original. fuck you ya cockbag. just because you didn't like the new star wars doesn't give you any right to bash the man who created what you profess to like (the good ones). dumbass

Posted by: Stephen | July 1, 2005 04:30 PM

Yay! 100 comments!! Although too bad the last one was so stupid. I have every right to have whatever opinion I want of Lucas, your approval is not required.

I never said I hate star wars because everyone else likes it. I like the original three well enough. I don't LOVE them, but they're fun. But did you even bother to read the whole thing, or did you just read the first part, and get all hurt that someone insulted the guy who keeps you in action figures and sex toys. Guess what sparky, I hate Lucas as a director. I fucking hate him enough as a director that I'll tell people that if they pay him for making shitty movies, i think they're dumb, and should shut the fuck up when it turns out i'm right, and the best thing you can say about Episode 3 was that it wasn't as craptacular as Episodes 1 & 2. Too bad you can't afford a web site, or you could write about how great he is. Jesus, what is it with Star Wars people. Insecure much?

I love intelligent debate. Now, is there a fucking Star Wars fan over the age of 12 who doesn't live in his mother's basement and write Anakin/Obi-Wan slash?

Because most of the rebuttals here have been fucking retarded. If you're a prime example of a fan of episodes 1-3, thank fuckin' god I didn't see them. Two hours in a theatre full of morons like you and I'd be in jail for burning the fucking building down.

Posted by: John C. Welch | July 1, 2005 04:40 PM

HOW THE HELL CAN YOU GUYS SAY THAT!!?!!
IF YOU DONT LIKE STARWARS THEN OH WELL! WHY THE HELL START THIS THING, MAN NO1 WANTS TO HEAR YOU GUYS WHINE AND COMPLAIN!! AND FOR YOUR FRIGGEN INFO STARWARS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVAH ALRITE? IT HAS A GREAT SENSE OF DETAIL, ACTION, ROMANCE AND THE LIST GOES ON!! IF THE MOVIES "SUCKED" SO BAD WHY THE HELL CAN IT MAKE MILLIONS IN THE FIRST 24 HOURS AND GEORGE LUCAS IS A PRETTY FUCKIN RAD DIRECTOR SO STOP THIS BULL CRAP!!

Posted by: punk | July 20, 2005 01:22 PM

It made millions the first day because Lucas has acephalic fanboys like you, who will drop to their knees and open wide if his hand even goes NEAR his zipper.

Once again, a shining example of a Lucas supporter. Good show!

Posted by: John C. Welch | July 20, 2005 01:50 PM

FIRST THING TIHNGS FIRST I AM A CHUMPETTE NOT A MORON SUCH AS YOURSELF, WHY EVEN THINK OF SUCH CRAP, AND YOU CAN KISS THE FATTEST PART OF MY ASS YOU BASTERD!!!!! STARWARS WAS THE BEST MOVIE CREATED SO GET LOST NO1 WANTS TO HEAR YOU WHINE YOU INCONSIDERATE,STUPID BEYONCE LOVER ASSHOLE

GOOD SHOW I SAY!

Posted by: punk | July 20, 2005 02:35 PM

Once again we are shined the the stupid utopia that we call a socity, surrounded by critics, ass holes and un apreciative people who just love to say crap.

Aint that just lovly

Posted by: punk | July 20, 2005 02:47 PM

Okay, you're an acephalic fangirl who will take anything Lucas gives you no matter the cost or quality. There, feel better?

Once again we are shined the the stupid utopia that we call a socity, surrounded by critics, ass holes and un apreciative people who just love to say crap.

Aint that just lovly

How in the hell do you have 4 obvious spelling errors, a double word error, a punctuation error, and a word that makes no sense whatsoever in two sentences that contain but 31 words? My god, your sentence, quite literally, makes no sense whatsoever!

Along with that, you are of course, the quintessential illustration of the pot calling the kettle black.

Once again, Lucas fans show what they're made of.

Posted by: John C. Welch | July 20, 2005 02:57 PM

Oh well we got ourselves a professor

alrite so why is it you hate him so much, oh brilliant one?

Posted by: punk | July 20, 2005 10:32 PM

And the person who posted this
did he make a spelling error or did he just do that on purpose?
"I hates lucas! I hates lucas forever"

Posted by: punk | July 20, 2005 10:34 PM

Um...if you read the article, you'll see exactly why I hate George Lucas.

As far as the title, it's a modification of Gollum's curse against all Baggins after Bilbo steals the One Ring.

"BAGGINS! WE HATES IT! WE HATES IT FOREVER"

Literature, it's fun.

Posted by: John C. Welch | July 20, 2005 10:42 PM

uh huh ok
i think i understand now im just gonna stop now cuz everbody has diffrent opinions or how ever the hell you spell it im on summer break, i dont feel like spelling correctly so meh ok later

Posted by: punk | July 20, 2005 10:49 PM

And it seems that you john, seem to hate lucas alot and not very fond of the fans.

Posted by: punk | July 20, 2005 10:55 PM

So im gonna go now

LATAH!!

Posted by: punk | July 20, 2005 11:10 PM

Nothing was ever going to live up the mythic legend of Star Wars that most of us grew up on.

But for Episodes I-III to be so outrageously dire is just unforgiveable. I was gutted about how utterly crap they were. They didn't even come close to meeting my expectations.

George Lucas - your writing sucks. Why oh why oh why didn't you realise this before and get someone else to write the fucking dialogue. You have no concept of dramatic tension and a complete inability to live up to the legend of Star Wars (even if it IS your own creation). I despise you forever for ruining it. Episodes I-III are no more than shitty kids movies designed to sell as many toys, mugs, t-shirts and lunch boxes as possible. You FUCKING SUCK.

Posted by: Chris Hoops | August 5, 2005 04:15 PM

Amen. Couldn't have said it better myself (and after seeing the movie, I tried). The new trilogy is such a staggering insult to the classic that you have to wonder if George Lucas has gone legitimately senile in the intervening 25 years.

Posted by: Jonathan Dobres | August 26, 2005 11:33 PM

as I couldn't agree more, I made this shirt to commemorate the end of the putrilogy and the upcoming marketing blast ffor new DVD versions of everything. Buy one and support the dark side!



http://rahoi.com/images/blog/lucas.swf    here is the ad.

http://amusingtees.com     here is the shirt.

Posted by: jon rahoi | September 6, 2005 09:27 AM

star wars is an awsome moive.
Star wars is the baest movie ive ever seen

Posted by: tuff | September 9, 2005 05:49 PM

I have to write a 12 page paper with an arguement on a Director for my film history class and as much as i am a huge fan of Indian Jones and Star Wars I want to write why George Lucas is a Hack Director...12 pages people someone help me out with the arguement please!...email me~ editoneluv@aol.com

Posted by: Shannon | September 12, 2005 01:15 PM

For you Bynk . . .
http://www.gnomz.com/comic-32029-DARTH+vs.+THE+TRUTH.html

Posted by: micha | September 14, 2005 06:24 PM

From the "But Wait There's More" Files: I just had the good fortune to skim a friend's advance copy of a new book about Lucas ("Droidmaker" for sale next month) and i finally have some peace with my inner dark side for the man. FOR ONCE a book never calls him a god or myth or great director or even a great storyteller. I'd never seen a book like that!! It's written by a former employee, and it lays out pretty well what is actually remarkable about the guy and why he is important, even if you think his movies suck. I won't buy theEpIII DVD, but i'll get this book when it's out.

Posted by: tim | September 18, 2005 10:26 AM

I go to movies to get lost in the movie and thoroughly enjoy myself for 2 or 3 hours and so does everyone I know. For those of you who go to
movies to rip them apart ( I feel sorry for you -there movies you morons) if you hate movies
that much do us all a favor and don't go. That way we don't get burdened with your mealy-mouthed crap, that a whole lot of us don't want to hear. As for the writings of a dangerously sarcastic mind, whats wrong, a little penis envy going on? (You really have it bad).
All I can say is George keep up the good work.

Posted by: Sheri | September 22, 2005 11:58 AM

Sheri, while your troll skills are top notch, your reading comprehension sucks utter ass, just like Lucas.

I didn't see episodes 2 or 3. I never shall. I did read the book to Episode 3.

It's shite.

in any event, when I do go to a movie that accidently sucks, I don't talk about it during the movie, that would be rude. As far as you not wanting to hear about this, well, YOU came HERE.

Going to a web site, reading a post that's over four months old and then bitching that you didn't want to hear it is kind of fucking stupid don't you think?

But then, you're about par for the course when it comes to Lucas fanboys/fangirls.

Here's one...don't like what I write? Don't come here and read it.

Posted by: John C. Welch | September 22, 2005 12:36 PM

Greedo shot first.

Posted by: Adam Kingrey | September 26, 2005 11:26 AM

If you're 12 he did.

Posted by: John C. Welch | October 9, 2005 01:01 AM

Listen star wars is being ran into the ground. Does Holleywood have any new ideas? Look at the movie they make now days all of them are old stories. I think all of Holleywood sucks. As for star wars game over shut up nuff said. Mr. Lucas will you make the next batch of cartoons?

Posted by: RKDillon | November 11, 2005 06:36 AM

People, let it go, it was posted in MAY.

I wasn't talking about all of Hollywood, that's a different rant. I was talking about a single filmmaker. That's all.

Posted by: John C. Welch | November 11, 2005 06:38 AM

EVIL LAUGH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You finally did what i wanted. Yes! The thread is dead. Finally.

LOL. Now there is no record of me on your lame ass site. Yeah thats right. Back up the logs to a point where it seems like people agree with you. More will just come against you and there is nothing you can do to stop it. LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 07:18 AM

Oh you wish. It was getting a bit long, so I cleared out some space.

You couldn't stop coming back with a gun at your head, and like I said, you are utterly powerless over anything I do.

But like the bitch you are, you keep coming back, and you keep kissing my ass. Damn, for a homophobe, you're pretty gay.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 07:38 AM

Daves the homofobe not me. Oh and by the way you still replied back without telling me why you dont try to reach Lucas and make your important opinion known.

Your are my bitch because i predicted what you would do yet again count-

9

Thanks bitch now dont bring anymore dirt in my house or i turn the hose on you.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 02:18 PM

Not that it is of any use, but what does me telling George I think he's a hack do?

I don't care what he thinks of me, and I certainly hope he doesn't give a rat's ass what I think of him. It would be a...useless gesture, done only to appease a moron. It would also mean that you have some control over my actions, and so I choose to not do so. But I know you'll be back. You can't help it, your ego won't let you stop. As long as I allow comments on this, and reply, you'll always come back. Over and over. You're like a hamster in a cage, even to the point of making another bullshit message from Dave so you could justify coming back. You could have chose to stay away, but you just couldn't. So, you make another "Dave" post, (like anyone believes that there really is a Dave. If there was, you would have proven it by now), and that way, you can feed your addiction. You always lose, because addicts are losers, and that's what you are. An addict.

You'll keep coming back and pretending to not be Dave or Tiffany or Mark because it's all you can do. You're a troll, and you're incapable of being anything else. It's like expecting a dog not to like its ass when you have company over. A dog can't be anything but a dog, and you can't be anything but a schizophrenic, illiterate, troll with delusions of power.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 02:24 PM

Finally he answered my question, the reason he wont tell it to Lucas is........
it would be done to please me?

Yeah okay i believe that. In other words to all who visit this poor mans site. He thinks that bitching to others about Lucas will have more impact than sending it to Lucas himself. People do you understand? Good. Now explain it to me.

Oh and for the record i give you my word that im not those other guys, my name is not dave, im not a girl name tiffany either. What do you want me to send you a video or something? You better not email me you adress though, or the others who visit this site might take a summer trip to kick your teeth in.

Now keep whining and complaining knowing that there is nothing you can do to stop me from telling others the truth about you; that you are a spineless coward who doesnt have the guts to go to the source and effect real change. Myself and others on other sites have sent George Lucas petitions, before the release of ROTS to theaters urging him to conside have a few testers watch his movie and point out the numerous flaws or things that would make the viewer vomit. We even got a few replys from him. You on the other hand are too scared to actually step up and speak your mind to the only person who could possible care. And thats why you are my bitch.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 02:56 PM

Oh you're threatening me? Yeah, that's a laugh. You're canadian, sorry, I live in the land of guns, not worried. You better bring a mountie to do your fighting for you.

As well, I think you're lying your ass off, and my stats support that far more than your empty little claims. You have no credibility whatsoever here.

You also miss the point...I was never going to see another Star Wars movie after Episode I, so why would I send him a petition? Did your petition work? Did he make them not suck because a couple canadians wrote him, or a few thousand? No, it didn't. He still hacked them, because just like you're addicted to posting here, (by the way, i have a bet going now that you can make this the most popular page on the site. So far, its in fourth place. Better get it in gear sonny), Lucas is a hack.

You can't help what you are, he can't help what he is. I did do something. I didn't see it. I haven't bought any Star Wars merch. I'm not going to. You think that if you protest, but keep giving him money, that your protest means more than your money. It doesn't.

It means that he can release crap, by the ton, and it doesn't matter, because idiots like you will keep buying it. I thought "Enterprise" sucked too, so I stopped watching it. See, when I don't like something, I stay away from it. I don't reward someone for making shit by giving them money.

Here's one...just suppose that, if after EP 1 & 2, people had decided to stay away from III in droves. No big first weekend. Does it maybe occur to you that by NOT rewarding him for crap with your money, that maybe, just maybe, THAT sends a message FAR more powerful than a petition?

To use a historical precedent...what do you think broke "Coloreds to the back of the bus" in Montgomery Alabama...years of bad feeling and halfassed protest, or the sudden evisceration of bus revenues because every person being treated like shit by the Mongomery bus system STOPPED USING IT.

Money talks, bullshit walks. If you give him money, you're telling him you approve of what he does, and your protests mean nothing. Your actions and your words work at cross purposes.

YOU are too scared to not give him money, because then you're not a part of your group. All those protests? That's not doing anything that thousands of others just like you did. You think you were unique, or even bold? Hardly. He form - lettered a reply or two, and you gave him money. Because the only other choice would be to do like me, and NOT give him money, for anything and any reason. That takes actual action, and maybe even requires you to turn stuff down or put yourself out.

I did that, and I've done that. What's your excuse?

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 03:26 PM

Trigger happy american perceives false threat. Thats suprising news. I said somebody who visits the site, not me.

Go start a war.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 04:35 PM

Trigger happy american perceives false threat. Thats suprising news. I said somebody who visits the site, not me.

Go start a war.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 04:36 PM

first off all i pay money to be provided a good or service. In this case its the opportunity to see his movie, which deserves some form of currency. Im not saying that i love the product before i saw it. In episode 2 i got my money back, and our petition at least got a response from him. HIM.

Has he replied to you? Oh wait no you havent contacted him yet. Still procrastinating, what are you waiting for?

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 04:39 PM

Hey peeps!

Word up dogs!

You all just gotta chill out and realize its a stinken movie. Leave it alone or else your not cool like me, coolguy!

Coolest kat, Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 04:47 PM

Yo brothers!

You all gotta cool your jets. Coolguy thought the movie was good but you too are uncool for arguing about it.

Mike, leave it alone. Arguing about Star Wars is not cool and neither are you for arguing it.

Mark, you are an American who respects us Canadians. That is cool.

John. Write what you want but that cool kat Lucas doesn't care what you think. You complaining makes you like Mike over here uncool ya here? Lighten up you guys and maybe you can be a cool kat like me someday!

Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 04:57 PM

"it seems we have a common enemy."

Coolguy are you named Andrew by any chance?
Cause if so i know who you are. And you pretending to be a host off of YTV (a kid show host) and talking like him is very uncool. Ya digg? Cool guy here in the zone! Man are you ever UNCOOL. First of all MArk is cool, im cool, daves cool, Johns gay, and your uncool.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 05:03 PM

First of all im not arguing about star wars, you cant argue about it when you see it happen on screen. Secondly im not arguing im just telling this guy what a dickwad he is. Thirdly Canada does rock so thanks.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 05:06 PM

Yo!

I realize that you hate this John dude, but no need to use profanity like "dickwad". That is uncool. Yes, Canada is cool but America is pretty sweet. I just have one cool question. Who the devil is this Dave you talk of. He is not one this site. I have not seen his name. If he argued about the same uncool notions than he too is uncool just like all who waste their time here. Chill out y'all!

Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 05:10 PM

Hey Andrew,
I knew it was you. My gut instinct rarely fails. Ill see you tomorrow maybe if your who i think you are. Dave is a friend of mine and you should know Andrew hes one of your closest friends, if your the person i think you are.

Anyway no David has not been arguing in a civilized manner, just like john he swears his head off. The only reason there is no david on this site is because John backed up his logs to an old one where people still agreed with him.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 05:23 PM

hey, hey, hey!

I am not this Andrew you speak of! I know nor have no friend named David. I have no idea what you are on but leave Coolguy alone! Anyways, saying I'm someone I'm not is just not cool. This guy John however seems as uncool as you though...

From you know it, Coolguy.

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 06:28 PM

YOu're all the same person. still.

I didn't back off the logs, I just did a slash and burn on the series of comments, as they really have no meaning, and took up too much space. You'll of course note, if you bother to read, that I didn't delete quite a few comments that don't agree with me. However, a pointless flame war? Shit yeah, I'll delete that, even my comments. Doesn't bother me a bit.

Mike keeps calling me gay and posting behind bogus email addresses, because he's afraid to use a real one, and he thinks that I'll stoop to his level and spam him. Not happening, but when you're an untrustworthy homophobe, well, that's how you have to live. Of course, Mike doesn't actually have a web site of his own, or if he does, he's too cowardly to put up the link.

But Mike, thanks for proving my point about how you'll do useless things like sign petitions, and feel like you mattered, but when it comes to doing anything real, you back right off, because you're not actually willing to be inconvenienced. I imagine had you been alive during the civil rights movement, you'd have been angry that all those black people were causing such unrest.

I don't hide who I am, i don't hide behind fake names, and email addresses. Too bad Mike's such a craven coward that he has to. But then, it's always easier to be brave when no one knows who you are.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 06:31 PM

Hey John.

So, your the cool kat who runs this joint aren't you. That's good because I, Coolguy, need to talk with you. You wrote, I don't know, more than five pages on Lucas and yet he does not care and neither do I. Wasting time on a Star Wars nerd fest is just NOT COOL. Think about that and you insulting others is not cool. Try to be cool for once man!

Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 06:35 PM

ive been using the same email practically the whole time.

What are you talking about? Im involved in my community in anyway possible and i love sticking up for the little guy whos being kicked when hes down. Its just more of a challenge than joining the group who is doing the kicking.

Yo cool guy. Zip it. If you wanted to be left alone why'd you come here? I guess my gut instinct was wrong because davids friend andrew emailed me back saying he wasnt on this site. Sorry for the mistake. But seriously where did you get coolguy from? it had to be YTV. WHy YTV you ask? Because that is the host who goes around saying, "im cool, thats cool, this is uncool, that makes you cool and cool guy is here!"

Truly sad if your child hood hero is Pat from the zone on YTV canada.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 06:38 PM

Yo Mike.

Shut your cakehole before I find out where you live and give you a "cool" smack to maybe knock some coolness into you. You two clowns are both totally uncool and do either of you have a girl, I do and that's cool.

Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 06:41 PM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Cool guy do you realize what youve done?
Man am i the only one with brains here?

"You wrote, I don't know, more than five pages on Lucas and yet he does not care and neither do I. Wasting time on a Star Wars nerd fest is just NOT COOL. Think about that and you insulting others is not cool."

Thats what ive been telling him, so has dave mark and who ever the hell else.

But coolguy youve got to understand, this guy John is not a cool kat. He thinks that these five people are all one person. And now youve just repeated what weve been telling him. So dont be surprised now if he thinks you are me too.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 06:41 PM

you "coolguy" are threatening me? LOL.
What happened huh? what happened to the cool guy who never swears or gets angry? he left pretty quick. LOL.

Sad

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 06:43 PM

By the way i do have a girl.

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 06:44 PM

Hey Mike.

I don't care if he thinks I'm you because I am not uncool liek he is. He has to pretend others have imaginary friends to make himself feel better about his crummy life. Hime doing that is, you guessed it, totally uncool. John, how old are you man? Time to start acting cool like Coolguy!

Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 06:44 PM

Hey john you wanted a nut with a split personality? well now youve got one in coolguy here. Ill let the 3 of you talk.

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 06:46 PM

It's my site. I posted a rant. I do that. It's

in may.

Six months later, Mike finds it, and pretending to be other people, trolls the comments on the post.

Now he's pretending to be other people so he can act like he has friends. Of course, they all write just like he does. So he's not terribly convincing. His vacuous comments about being involved in his community are amusing, since from what he's displayed
he's a self-absorbed little prat of a kid who spends his time trolling Star Wars sites to start fights. Of course, he also talks about defending the little guy, but only as part of a large group. That doesn't extend to not being a troll mind you. Because that's different. Really. I'm sure he can explain.

He then interjects random shit about having a girl, because...what, anyone cares?

But I now know why nslog and a few others kill comments on posts after a couple months, the S/N ratio goes right to shit. Haven't seen an intelligent comment since July.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 06:47 PM

Hey cool guy i know this much, you are right, phobias is uncool. But so is having a name like coolguy. Oh and by the way John probably has a girl, i mean he better, HE IS AT LEAST 40 YEARS OLD. NO JOKING. UNCOOL.

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 06:47 PM

So how do you explain your rampant homophobia Mike?

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 06:48 PM

JOHN!
For the love of GOd!
In your own body!
Check coolguys ip adress.

Im not him either.
Go ahead and check it. I dont think i could run from Canada to the US in 3 minutes. Then talk with the guy and see if hes as deranged as you.

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 06:50 PM

OH.
MY.
GOD.
IM NOT THE HOMOFOBE. DAVID IS TRUST ME. that guy fears everything slightly different. Im no homofobe, im not saying their great conversationalists but i unfortunately knew 2 in high school. David on the other hand would probably run them over.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 06:52 PM

Mike,

Um...what does being gay have to do with conversational skills? Secondly, if you're not a homophobe, why is it "unfortunate" that you knew 2 in high school. It's only unfortunate if you don't like gay people. Otherwise, they're no better or worse than anyone else.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 06:54 PM

One other thing...holy shit, how constantly ARE you updating this page...I mean Ross Perot's ears, I get email notifications of ever new comment, so I know what's going on with no work at all. You guys have to do this the hard way!

Dude...that's obsessive. Really.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 06:55 PM

Hey John.

So maybe you are cool having a girl and all. Or maybe you're trying to be cool like Coolguy and are just "pretending" to have one. Am I right? Prove me wrong by telling me in a cool way her first name in 2 minutes. Try to be cool man!

Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 06:56 PM

Oh and by the way. Don't make up a BS name. Pretending to have a girlfriend or in your case wife is just NOT COOL!

Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 06:59 PM

I didn't say anything of the sort, that was Mike.

Your reading skills aren't all that good, are they?

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 07:00 PM

Hey john, did you at least scan "cool guy" ip adress? what did you find?

Oh and by the way the "unfortunate" meant i have nothing against homosexuals but these 2 were jerks.

Coversationalists? your kidding right? have you ever even tried talking to a few of them?
Well if you did you would quickly learn how boring fashion and decorating tips are. These guys talked to everybody and i had nothing against them, i just had no interest in their interests. But i bet you wouldnt know because you are a homofobe. Really calling me your bitch and all...seriously "uncool." that cool guy might be on to something. its fun to use that word.

Oh and i update this site as much as i want. Or until cool guy over there leaves me alone.

Hey coolguy! Your not cool! Get over yourself.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 07:00 PM

So you dont? not that its any of my business, i just assumed seeing as your way older than me that youd have a girl. sorry if you had a break up or anyting i seriously dont try to affend people about this. it was really more an attack on your age. in a way that answered cool guys question.

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 07:02 PM

Mike.

I am COOL. No one is COOL like me, Coolguy. I'm soooooooooo cool, I give Antarctica a run for its money! Anyways, I have to go see my girlfriend and go to a movie. I'll talk to you uncool guys later! Or maybe I won't because suspense is so COOL!

Coolguy

Posted by: Coolguy | December 1, 2005 07:03 PM

hey cool guy if your canadian what province are you in. and dont say quebec, please for the love of god id rather youd lie.

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 07:04 PM

see ya. got more studying so as fun as it is to argue with an unevolved paramecium as yourself i think ill read something interesting.

Cool guy, arrogance is uncool and i cant believe you have a girl with such a cocky attitude.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 07:06 PM

Mike, that's just sad. So all gay people can only talk about fashion and decoration?

Wow, and here I thought that at the Apple WWDC, I was talking to some gay folks about the ins and outs of wireless networking drivers, and the joys of dealing with security issues on wireless networks.

Then there's my other gay friend who is an ex-Marine, running her own business. She hates fashion. Hmm.

That whole "Gay people can only talk about fashion" thing? Homophobia, just like saying Black people are all thieves is racist. Might want to re-examine that.

I don't MIND that you hit refresh a couple times a minute for hours on end, but it seems like a waste of time to me.

It's not that I do or don't have an SO. I just don't talk about my personal life in a flame war. It's not the time or place, and I don't know you at all, so why would I?

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 07:07 PM

hey john guess what. i never said all gay people talk fashion and decoration did I? i just said these 2 did! now to quote you: Might want to re-examine that.

Great to know you hang around with gay people, that paints a much clearer picture for me.

Hey do you know cool guys email, i want to send him something.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 07:16 PM

You keep thinking that calling me gay bothers me. I can't do anything about that, because i'm not sure WHY it should bother me.

And um...WHY exactly would I give you someone else's email address?

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 07:18 PM

And why would you track ips?

Anyway this is a message to COOLguy.

Yo man you are right you are so cool. I wish i could be as cool as you. Any tips?
You are so much cooler than this uncool cat john.
Before you got here me and him went at it in an...i guess you could call it an argument...that quickly went off track. then my friend dave came in and defended johns attacks on canada and john went after dave. then he kept attacking canada and this got out of hand.

But you clearly are much more cool then john. are you from ontario perhaps, you sound smart enough.

This uncool john cat spends all his free time replying back to me. john its the replies isnt it? you think im actually talking to you. that is not healthy, or cool. Wouldnt you agree cool guy.

Cool guy dont you think it would be cool for john to meet a real person? instead of waiting for my reply day in and day out? wouldnt that make him more cool?

Cool guy ive been trying to talk some sense into uncool john here and for a while i was keepin it cool too, but then it just got frustrating and i lost my cool. But maybe a cool cat like yourself can talk some cool into him.

We can only pray.

Go ahead john, fly free. flap your wings and fly, fly!

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 07:26 PM

I don't actually do any tracking, that's just the blog software. It comes in handy for dealing with spammers sometimes, although not as much as it used to. It's not something you turn on or off, it's just there. So, may as well use it. You can do neat things with it, like generating maps of countries where people are. It's useless for physical location past that, unless you have access to the ISP records. So, I can put someone's address in Canada, Mexico, France, etc., but I can't really say what state/province or city they're in.

As well...let's examine this..you're trying to talk sense about a RANT. You do understand what a rant is. It's essentially nonsensical, and illogical. It was a mostly humorous way of venting my frustration and annoyance about George Lucas as a director. I mean, he made Samuel L. Jackson BORING. That's the definition of "teh suck".

You came in and were trying to EXPLAIN to me why I was...oh i don't know, once you started rhapsodizing about Jedi martial arts styles, I stopped paying attention, as you were taking it WAY too seriously. Think about how much time you spent explaining the fighting styles of a computer generated character. My beef was with the *movie choreography*. I don't know, and will never care enough TO know anything about the schools of Jedi fighting styles. One of my complaints was Lucas's compulsive over-explaining of things, as though is audience is too stupid to sit through a movie without EVERYTHING being beaten into their skulls.

It's like being a Hitchcock fan and watching what passes for modern horror films. It's all drek. Well, except for "Shaun of the Dead". That was brilliant.

I don't like really, any film Lucas has ever directed. THX-113890210, American Graffiti, Episodes 1-4 of Star Wars. he's just no damned good as a director.

You can rant, rave and scream until the cows come home, but Lucas sucks as a director.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 07:37 PM

No arguments here. I dont know if it was him always getting in the way with his lack of experience or the fact that for 3/4s of the movies all these poor actors were looking at blue screens. everywhere. blue screen furniture, sets, windows, id go fucking insane. But i watch ROTS today and only found 19 things wrong with it.

My number one beef with the movie.
Who the fuck are the 3 losers that mace brought to arrest palpatine? some hobos. they hold their swords like they are getting ready to sweep the floor.

My number two.
Why the fuck did he ruin general grievous.
I read the novels and learned of the fear that Jedi whispered and rumored about the Jedi killing general. i picture him being a hell spawn foreshadowing vader. How long did Lucas let grievous seem scary? 2 fucking seconds.
The door opens grievous steps in and his skull mask looks cool and intense. what does that numbskull lucas do? he fucking makes grievous cough! cough! how scary is a robot with pneumonia? fuck! can lucas let the audience feel threatened by a character for one second?

My 3rd.
The plan:
Kill the jedi and then youll be strong enough in the dark side to save your wife.

WTF? WTF has that got to do with anything? but anakin felt this had changed something in him.
"love wont save you. only my new powers can."

My 4th.
Why the hell did he have to include some bull about a signal beakon.
YOda says. its a vital thing to get to and change? why? how so? yoda just stops there.

my 5th.
"Easier to get into the temple if there is a special meeting." WTF. how so? just cause yoda said it?

my 6th.
Why the hell cant obiwan just walk away.
I know it seems like a lot but i dont think he made much progress by making things worse. anakin might have turned back if obi wasnt on the fucking ship.

my 7th.
why fight fair?
so far there have been 2 jedi vs 1 sith.
obi+quigon vs maul.
ani+obi vs dooku.
ani+obi vs dooku again.

Why now with all this at risk do they divide their forces to fight fair? is it because obiwan isnt strong enough to kill sidious? bull shit.

sidious appeared to be a master of the force but a novice with the saber. i mean, maybe its the actor but it didnt seem like he was all that good.

my 8th.
why the fuck do they use. NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
And pan away from the camera. that is the most overdone thing in movies.

my 9th.
why have tarkin in it at all?

my 10th.
why does natalie portman suck so much in that scene. "oh anakin, what are you going to do?"
oh wait i know. its the scene that took 5 days to shoot because lucas kept rewriting it and stepping in.

my 11th.
why do the droids talk?
why do they have ranks.
an ai who can communicate via a electrical impulse is much more intimidating. it makes machines look cold and calculating.

my 12th.
the ending. it should have ended with Anakin in teh vader suit crossing his arms in a "so be it" pose.

my 13th.
if r2 spent so much time around yoda how come he fucking doesnt say something in Empire?

my 14th.
i cant believe he had natalie die off as soon as the twins are born. i understand that luke will remember the last words of his mother deep in the back of his head. "there is still good in him." but now how do you correct Jedi.

my 15th.
"Hes a sith lord." "Then our greatest fears have been confirmed."
WTF? if you even thought there was a remote chance he was the hidden sith then why not fucking stab him already? you need proof? its treason? bull. they had many private meetings with palpatine in his office on ROTS where they could have arrested him and kept it quiet.

my 16th.
the face on palpatine when he fights.

my 17th.
yoda seems to have overpowered sidious. man. sidious should have smoked yoda because the sith had evolved over the years where as the jedi had stayed the same.

my 18th
the hunt.
i thought vader hunted down the jedi.
it took him 15 minutes!

my19th.
dooku just shuts up and dies? fuck id at least say screw you! or flip palp off. in the book i think he protested. but im not quite sure.

what i loved.

1. the sequence at the end:
kids are born, vader is put together, mask slides on, "i know there is still good in him.", padme dies as vader rises. (but that was the editors job not the directors)

2. the entire obiwan anakin duel was fucking beautiful. i thought it expressed their feelings through their fight.

3. the fatal decision scene. perfect music.

4. the music when you see anakin and obiwan fly together in the beginning. it was perfect. the two who had become men in the war side by side. and it was ruined by plunging them into an epic space battle that for the first time in 3 movies tried to immitate the action of fighters and capital ships from both armie. unfortunately because of lucas' desire for effects and explosions you could never really tell who was winning.

5. everything else not in my hated list.

all in all

episode 1: 7/10
episode 2: 6/10
episode 3: 9/10
episode 4: 4/10
episode 5: 9.5/10
episode 6: 8/10

peace out.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 08:14 PM

Lucas is a technician, not a director. He pretty much admits that.

But he's to egotistical to admit that, and let someone with talent direct. The way Anakin is a whiny bitch? That's deliberate, because in Lucas's eyes, all evil is really pathetic and whiny.

What got me is...it takes TWENTY years to build the first death star, and what EIGHTEEN MONTHS FOR THE SECOND???

The entire Empire was less than twenty years old but the jedi were FORGOTTEN????

I can only suspend my suspension of my suspension of disbelief. After that, I say fuckit, and go watch a movie I KNOW is supposed to be crap, but at least fun to watch.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 08:20 PM

seeing as we seem to be on the same page for once, i dont get it, i thought anakin seemed much cooler as a sith lord.

why do you keep calling him whiny? the jedi ani was whiny.
as soon as he became LORD vader he was a jedi terminator, dont care about anybody else badass who never begged for mercy at the hands of obiwan and didnt wish to be sustained by sidious.
Then he wakes up and realizes hes been suckered and lashes out a sidious, i thought that was awesome, but now tragically vader is too weak to strangle wrinkles and get his revenge.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 08:23 PM

hey i may spend a little too much time reading star wars novels but i know this. the sith like a back up plan. they like to have a plan in action and one ready incase they screw up.

what you said is true, 20yrs to 18months, but i wouldnt be surprised if in one of the novels out there sidious mentions the thought of multiple death stars to keep the galaxy in "check" easier.

One thing i would have really liked is to see anakin fight the few masters that were left in the temple. and you then would see the betrayal in their face. call me what ever you want but i wanted to see him butcher those kids. i wanted to see them flee him, it would have made him look like much more of the old vader. but this was made by lucas so he cant scare little kids.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 08:27 PM

Because when you see him in a Vader suit, after having watched the first three movies, or even KNOWING about them, you're not thinking OMFG VADER.

you're thinking, "It's that whiny bitch in a super suit". Then you have all the crap about Vader being so weak in the force because of the suit. If he's the chosen one, and made from the force germs, (dude, the force now SUCKS because of that shit), and the force flows from within, WHY do you need to make stupid assed hand motions to do force stuff?

He can lift shit, throw people around without moving a damned muscle, but to do a choke he has to MIME IT?

On the death star thing, it's a matter of logistics. You can't build everything in place, and with the manning levels needed to build and maintain something THAT big, you're not hiding it at all. I mean...SOMEONE's going to notice that much crap all going to the same place.

"Many bothans died to get us this info"

Bah

more like

"We noticed every freighter for light years around all delivering shit to Endor, and figured we'd take a look."

That's like hiding the building of an Aircraft Carrier. The Soviets tried, didn't work, and that's just a boat.

The problem is, Lucas doesn't trust his audience, and he's incapable of any kind of subtlety. So you get Jedi 90210 instead of the story of a great fall. Anakin was never anything BUT a spoiled brat. Hell, the only reason I thought about seeing ROTS was so I could cheer when he got is fuckin' legs cut off.

It's like the thing with Han...redemption only counts if you had actually fallen from grace, and to fall from grace, well, you have to be IN grace to begin with.

Anakin was never anything but a whiny bitch, so why is it a surprise that he was suborned by Palapatine. Hell, ELMO could have pulled that trick off.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 08:37 PM

all things you said considered, if hes the chosen one do you think there is a chance in hell that Luke could have surpassed him even when angered. If vader hadnt been weaker than before because of old age, past injuries or the suit, he would have just slapped luke around after the boy had come out of hiding. then palpatine would have fried luke for being the loser in the duel and vader would have killed palpatine for harming his son. porphecy still fulfilled.

Its not great motivation to be half of a man. and besides Anakin like i said in one of my rants (which you deleted) had many a reason to be pissed off. he was half sith already though so he couldnt resist telling these "masters" where to go when they continually put him down after he proved himself time and time again.

Fuck anakin whiny or not could have killed everyone in that room about five years later without the injuries on mustufar.

I mean he already sensed he was more powerful than palpatine and planned to kill his master after 5 hours! Which begs the question.

Why do sith still take on apprentices.
the answer: to fight their battles for them.
sith fear hell, the jedi dont.

what did you think of my 19 bad things about ROTS?

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 09:07 PM

Remember, Luke had no real training beyond a few hours with Kenobi and what, maybe a whole year with Yoda. He was really running on instinct.

Vader had decades of intensive training with the Jedi, then with Palpatine, so force - wise, he should have been much stronger than Luke. that makes sense. As well, he's taller, stronger, presumably faster, and thanks to his suit, takes MUCH longer to physically tire. As long as his brain is running, the suit will do what it should.

But you bring up another point.

In Episodes 1-3, the Jedi were DICKS. Just out and out meddling, arrogant, assholes. They needed to be killed, they were just a bunch of cocksuckers. Another thing I was pissed at Lucas for. Again, he can't deal with subtleties, so he makes sure the Jedi are assholes to, so that Anakin has no logical choice but to think they're a bunch of cocknockers.

I thought your list was pretty spot-on actually

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 09:14 PM

I think this is funny though.

"Many bothans died to get us this info"Bah more like "We noticed every freighter for light years around all delivering shit to Endor, and figured we'd take a look."

But honestly i read more about star wars than you i bet.not saying thats a good thing but i have a greater understanding of palpatines depth and more importantly anakin's.

And with all my notes i have watch 1 through 6 and honest to god, i still dont hear anakin when vader talks. i feel that anakin is exiled in his own mind watching this mother fucking evil thing do all this sick twisted shit to please his master. which is why vader is still cool. he has buried all the good left in him deep down. Vader when i watch them is STILL the legendary evil, but he is also a man behind a mask. vader is afraid of others knowing his past. hes ashamed of it. im not stupid and lucas didnt hypnotyze me or anything but i still feel that Vader is cool and so is Anakin, but thats just an opinion. A highly researched one, mind you but still just my opinion. I got to tell you, watching anakin strut down that hallway to kill off gunray was pure vader to me. just his stance.

But ill tell you one thing, the one part about the anakin obiwan duel that discusted me was this. Look closely. Pause your tv. when it shifts back to the battle of the heros anakin grabs obiwan and chokes the hell out of him. look at the lightsaber in obiwans hands. ITS ANAKIN's. which means at one time obi held all the cards.

Now when obiwan decks anakin with the worst coreographed trip in history he summons his lightsaber back to him for the death blow. Anakin looks a little to relaxed regarding the situation. I know that he knows he is five times stronger than obiwan but bronze isnt always enough. Then when obiwan attacks anakin looks like hes panicking. i dont know, his face change just seems wrong.
I think you mentioned something about that.

But what i actually laughed at the second time (not the first, the first time i was depressed that anakin lost that way, its not worthy of him) watching the movie was, "i have the high ground!"
No offense obi but you are what? 5 feet above him right now? i guess that whole 10 ft advantage you had on him hanging on to that tower ment nothing.

I was expecting lucas to be smart along with his stunt coordinator.

Anakin is offense obiwan is defense. okay he got that right.

Anakin is faster and stronger, obiwan is more focused, okay he got that right.

Anakin's anger finally makes his technique to sloppy and he loses because of an overagressive attack.
WTF?

he loses because he couldnt leap over obiwan? he has shown to be able to leap abotu 20 feet. now i understand thatif i asked good old lucas about this hed say. "oh he just wanted to land right behind obiwan and take the immediate advantage."
At this point id say, "FU george. If your going to make Anakin all powerful and greedy then why wouldnt he just leap up the fucking mountain and wait for obiwan to follow him up?" George would clear his throat and redirect my call to his secretary and shed put me on hold for a week.

Mike

(The end of the ROTS game Anakin lands behind obiwan and stabs him. then he kills palpatine as well, not the best plot but cool to watch)

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 09:28 PM

If there was one thing you could change in that movie what would it be?
what would be the number one thing to go or change. (nothing general like the actors or the director)

Mine would have to be......tough one....

Oh i know that scene where Anakin kills dooku. Look i know Lucas did not want that first major battle to free the asshole palpatine to be longer than half an hour but come on!
Heres a clue. Keep the kickass anakin flying with obiwan as brothers in war, and then have them shoot straight into the ship. No stupid jet battle! No stupid buzz droids! which by the way...you are not going to believe this....came from star fox 64. "R2 aim for the buzz droids center eye!" starforx-"Fox! His the razor droids center eye!"
Then skip the filler that ruined the intensity of grievous and the stupid destroyer droids and elevator, which have been done again and again. We know Jedi kick ass, we get it.

Immediately have them enter against dooku. Knock obiwan out early. (by the way why the fuck wasnt he injured at all?!?)

Spend the 20 minutes saved to kind of make a scene quite comparable to Luke vs Vader on return of the Jedi. You know with palpatine this time not so evily egging his future apprentice on. Instead of "Let the hate flow through you!" have him say, "Good, trust what you feel! Thats it youve got him now!" and have dooku keep giving his insight to what is inside skywalkers brain.
I would have even liked that. But no, we get an extremely quick surpassing of strength by Anakin and we dont know why. Did Anakin use his fear? Did he give into his hate to best Dooku? Was Dooku wrong and Skywalkers power in the light side too strong? I dont know why Anakin one actually. I know physiologically that his coreography style generates far more hit strength than Dookus and that in the end Dooku could barely steer away anakins attacks let alone counter, but i dont know why after: "you have fear, and anger, but you dont use them." Anakin all of a sudden is better than dooku. if more time and depth were put we would have been given a better glimps into the increasingly cloud mind of Anakin.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 09:41 PM

Seriously dude. Who the fuck is cool guy?
He better not have the same ip adress as me or im gonna get worried that somebody owns my computer through spiware. I really thought he davids friend andrew, that guys is the only one i know to immate the "coolguy" host. Maybe i need to give him a slap. Oh and by the way, i still havent figured out how Mark has my ip adress. I got it checked out. Tiffany was using the same school computer as me. So was david, but mark thats a tough one. I doubt he would be at my school thats way to weird, i never thought i would track tiffany down. I was posting again and i saw he message and it said conestoga. So i was getting ready to leave the library when i walk right by her and shes still on this site. But no mark found yet. Whats his email? i want to ask him.

Mike

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 10:29 PM

honestly, I don't know. He changes it here and there, and it's not like I'm checking to validate. Without the server records, i can't prove anything one way or another. whatever is in that field is in that field.

What I'm *really* thinking is that Rogers internet is doing some proxying of some kind. They're a little odd to deal with, and have the monopoly from hell, so there's good odds that everyone in your area is NAT'd through that one IP address.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 11:02 PM

I'd honestly change the whole thing. adjust Episode 1 a bit.

combine 2& 3 so it ended with Padme's and Anakin's wedding, screw that Jedi as loners shit.

Episode 3 would start with Anakin at about 30, with the Empire starting much like the Roman empire did, and Anakin at his highest point, and you'd watch him gradually slide towards the dark side. he wouldn't be a whiny bitch, that's for sure.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 1, 2005 11:07 PM

lol
Yeah i would have made him older too. I thought the intro said the republic was unstable. Maybe the senate should have been arguing instead of applauding in unison huh?

Want to know something funny? Did you ever wonder how Hayden got that scar on his eye?
Its real. During one of the deleted scenes swimming was involved so they used a pool. Hayden finished his scene and went to shower. His damp feet slipped and the poor guy cracked his head off the shower or something. That scar is real. It worked well for anakin but hayden will have it for the rest of his life. nothing makeup cant fix.

mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 11:53 PM

BUt you have to remember those were different times. After the fall of the guardians (jedi) society crumbled everywhere and the thugs moved in. (not just on narshadda and tatooine, everywhere) the jedi were a symbol and a source of strength. Jedi didnt deal with petty thieves but thieves knew their place. And the gangs knew that if you started too much shit and jedi pair would investigate. And all gangs knew one thing.
If the Jedi are coming to get you, they are bringing an ass kicking with them!

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 1, 2005 11:57 PM

it still doesn't explain everyone acting like they'd been gone for centuries. That's still the same generation. As well, if the storm troopers are all clones, (we'll ignore the LEGIONS of other problems with that concept), then why have an academy? just keep cloning them.

Lucas created three problems for every fix, because he's trying to do too much too fast.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 2, 2005 12:00 AM

Do you think under the tyranny of sidious and his spies everywhere that you could speak the word Jedi without getting interrogated?
Few ever met Jedi, few ever witnessed them battle. Hell, few knew of their existance.
Some never saw much of a difference between them and the sith. In the generation, those very few who ever saw them would notice how bad things were and question "why havent the Jedi stopped this?!?" which is kind of sad if they became so dependant on a group of powerful warriors. Then they would soon be hit with poverty and robbery and the list goes on. Trust when you are trying to survive each day by going from one piece of food to the next you care far less about where are those who protected us.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 2, 2005 10:13 AM

But if the emperor and his spies were so effective, then how did the Rebellion develop? Besides, even if you don't CARE about the Jedi, you still REMEMBER them. Erasing memories like that takes generations.

Again, Lucas takes a shortcut, and creates more problems. If the Force is THAT powerful that you can eradicate all memory of the "Guardians of the Galaxy" then how do you explain the Rebellion?

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 2, 2005 10:29 AM

The "politcal head" of the rebellion started before the reorganization or the Republic. Its in the old novels back to the 1980s. bail organa, senator amidala (that will have to be fixed), and monmothra tried to convience palpatine to drop his authority with a petition or something. But they never got to him. Because Palpatine was subdued by his staff who had kept him under lock and key and really they controlled him. You are probably shaking your head asking "WHAT?" let me explain.

There was an old text written after the first release of a new hope. By which the back story was written. but keep in mind back then lucas didnt plan on making the emperor a sith lord till empire so he based his back story and episode 4 on his old notes and this book he wrote.

Now we see that it was the other way around. Palpatine had control of the whole senate.

And in the original screen play for ROTS and now in the deleted scenes you see the remodified version of the old story with the 3 confrontinf palpatine with the petition of 2000. which he disregards and uses to make anakin doubt padmes dedication to democracy.

When the emperor came to bve the few good senators led a few well timed laws to channel a huge amount of funding away from palpatine. palp noticed this but it was too late they were already resigned and hidden. (this happened 5 years later). bail left his home and wife and leia behind and joined mon mothra to forge a legal treaty much like the seperatists. these hired spied to steal the desings for the x wing and the like. so they in a sense became just like the seperatists. but they were tracked down and beaten badly until another jedi took control and delivered many critical victories. i think in the old book his name was Talon Eccani an old rival of Anakins as a boy. Talon ended up giving his life in a battle to keep the location of leia hidden and was killed by vader.

But then something funny happened. The cloners on kamino started building fleets for the rebellion in secret. when the emperor found out he sent his clones to attack the bases. but the cloners had their own troopers and fought back. but in the end the cloners were killed because the leader of the emperors men was not vader. but boba fett himself. that guy had extensive knowledge of the base and its weaknesses and he led the clones of the empire to victory against his birth place.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 2, 2005 12:06 PM

Dude, if Lucas has had to change his damned story that often, then I take back anything nice I said about his writing abilities too. He obviously is making this up as he goes along, probably from shot to shot.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 2, 2005 12:46 PM

Hey facts speak for themselves. Keep in mind that the book was written along side a new hope. But you are right in saying hes fucking dumb because he kept changing it because in the end he really couldnt connect the dots, unless he made all these changes. Hell before empire palpatine was no sith lord and vaders fall was his own with no evil father figure to inflence him. in empire it worked, and in jedi it worked, but if you read that old book youll see how much that story has had to change cause he couldnt make it work.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 2, 2005 12:57 PM

You make me sick ur freakn horrible its people like you that make starwars lovers want to kill u in ways that would make u sufer for days and days without dieing.lucas was a freakn genious
he brought hope to 20th centry fox and got it back on its feet hes a savoiur to everyone.He birthed the force and created the light side and the dark side and gave people somthing to belive in so u can gein su fick zich.

Posted by: DoZ3r | December 2, 2005 01:10 PM

and another thing lucas planed on doing his movies this way so fucking deal with if u dont like that than tough.but i stand with lucas 110%
because hes a freaks genious.

your angerd once to kill u freind DoZ3r

Posted by: DoZ3r | December 2, 2005 01:28 PM

Okay Mike? Do you SEE why I go off on people? This is your typical Star Wars fanboy, probably wishing there was a Darth Vader Dildo.

GAH!!!!

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 2, 2005 01:44 PM

Loser...

you have all the lingual skills of a crack-addled lemur, and your threats are pathetic.

See, NOW I hope Lucas gets busted on child molestation charges just because I know you'd cry.

Posted by: John C. Welch | December 2, 2005 01:55 PM

Yep i see why you can get pissed at people. LOL.
What a moron. he types like he is on msn. tragic, he cant even spell one complete sentence.

Hey buddy, dozr3! Listen fag, dont visit a site and badmouth the people on it without have the accountability to put your real name.

By the way, lucas isnt genius. his first idea was, and that paid the bills for him the rest of the way. as for star wars i think he has gotten progressively worse as a director.

So go take some chill pills and fucking relax.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 2, 2005 02:24 PM

Hey loser dozr3! im a star wars fan but i dont think lucas is anygood. his products come out good because of his editors and the directors. but he fucking ruins the actors by always being in the way.

dozr3! you are about as slow a herd of turtles walking through peanut butter.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 2, 2005 02:29 PM

I mean actors! not directors! except for empire that is when he wasnt directing.

Now go and screw your life sized blow up sex slave c3po.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 2, 2005 02:30 PM

hahhah... love the rant and the comments. good stuff. anyway. I think the simplest explanation for why the prequels weren't that great may have come from a friend of mine. after we saw episode 2 he said he thought maybe Lucas made a bet with Spielberg that he could make really horrible movies, stamp 'star wars' on them and people would still pay to see them.

Posted by: jasond | December 6, 2005 03:46 PM

hey i hated attack of the clones, i hated the phantom menace. hell look at the titles for crying out loud. But i got really into revenge of the sith. i praise him for that movie not the other 2. im not saying he nailed the character of anakin or that ROTS was better than empire but i sure as hell liked in better than episode 1,2,4 and 6.

Lucas is a brilliant editor and his ideas for worlds and environments is amazing and how he writes the key ideas for the music that will be conducted? fuck my hat goes off to him for "battle of the heroes". but as far as giving acting tips he should just sit down. i think he makes things worse. watch any part of the behind the scenes and you will see the frustration on hayden and natalies faces and none are more frustrated when he comes to tell them how to act than ian (palpatine). Some how in three movies though george managed to make mace windu (both the character and Samuel Jackson) boring.

If i could read minds i would say this is all mace was thinking: "Man im so bored you could put nails in me and use me for a coat hanger."

Then he made Christopher Lee look bad. Christopher lee is an excellent villain aka dracula and sauruman. but dooku just didnt seem evil to me, maybe i misinterpreted the character but i thought he was supposed to be a bitter dark jedi who used the dark side to become more powerful than his former friends. the guy acts like a coward running all the time. still even with lucas in his face in episodes 1 and 2. christopher lee still came off half right. dooku was still the elegant "gentleman" of a villain. after all he is a count and a host on many occassions. LOL.

The biggest bone i had to pick with the movie was all the cut offs.

kill the jedi save you wife.

um...okay palpatine you think that will work?

sure why not lets give it a try, and if it doesnt work your no worse of than at the star right?

i guess your right! great idea palpatine it is so simple.

high five!

GOD! THAT PLOT HOLE COULD SWALLOW THE POLAR ICE CAPS.

LOL

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 6, 2005 07:25 PM

In the words of cool running "ya dead man?"
ive havent heard from you in a while and youve got other visitors to your site (but you already knew that right?) anyway give a shout when your free...now...i have to study...some more...groan.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 6, 2005 07:28 PM

But you know what the best parts of the new three movies occur in episode 1.

1. Jarjar steps in shit
2. Jarjar gets the shit beat out of him by subulba.

Oh and another thing! In ROTS obiwan doesnt exactly do a good job trying to convert anakin back to the light side. hell he basically calls anakin a weak willed fool. i know that if im pissed off the one that will calm me down is somebody calling me foolish.
Maybe the jedi never studied psychology and after those three noobs i wonder if they actually study lightsabers or if they are just a graduation gift.

Then Obiwan hears Anakin say that famous line:
"your with me or your my enemy" why the hell didnt lucas make it. "your with me or against me"?

Lucas seems to enjoy adding more crap when its not needed and changing things at the wrong time.
If its not broken dont fix it.
Anyway! Back to the "your with me or my enemy" bit. Anakin has basically told obiwan that obiwan hasnt swayed him. which...is kind of what he has been doing since he was a young padawan! but because he takes this approach obiwan says "fuck it. there is not hope for you!" nicely: "Only a sith deals in absolutes." um...okay then how do you explain the 400 page jedi rule book, i mean jedi code!

So i guess this is it. there is nothing more that should be or can be said by obiwan. (maybe he should have shouted what he shouted at Anakin after he won the duel. You know all that sobbing and begging: "You were the chosen one! You were my brother! I loved you!" this might have gotten through anakins thick skull.

i know that if one of my buddys changed their mind on any big topic id throw fists.

For instance.

bob: you know i think people are taking it too hard on michael jackson. the guys is a victim not a villain.

me: come on you were the one screaming at the tv on cnn. now youve changed your mind?

bob: yes i have.

me: and there is nothing i could do or say to change your mind back?

bob: nope.not a damn thing.

me: (drawing sword sound effect)thats it! prepare to become worm food.

LOL.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 6, 2005 08:08 PM

people badmouth hayden all the time but if youve seen his work you know hes a good actor. as this guy john put it, lucas just ass raped the characters, which is tragic really because they are his characters.

Back in the day they didnt have any great actors either. look at the hero. luke skywalker the biggest whiny bitch jedi EVER! that actor mark hammal has been in such great pictures since in the following:

.......
.......
.......
..........cough! um.....
oh wait J and silent bob!

Harrison ford is an excellent actor and if it wasnt for star wars he wouldnt have been discovered but i think he romantic talks with leia earn the same score on my please shoot me now meter as padme and anakin. god i hope it was the hormones that caused padme to come off so creepy.

Anakin: you are so beautiful
Padme: its only because im so in love.
Anakin: no no its because im so in love with YOU.
Padme (with a mean glare): so love has blinded you?
Anakin: no thats not what i meant....
Padme: its probably true.

If i was Anakin and i fight a war for a couple of years and i come home to a wife acting like this id be drunk 24-7 to put up with her.

Anakin might as well have said: no...wait...im confused.

Padme: are you drunk again?
Anakin: yeah.

Why does lucas think he can do romance? it didnt work in the last 3 movies. and it sure didnt work now.

Oh and i love padmes reaction to her husband predicting her death. lets forget that he is a jedi. lets forget that the last one came true. THE GUY IS DREAMING ABOUT YOUR DEATH WHILE YOU SLEEP SOUNDLY NEXT TO HIM EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!

Wouldnt you be worried? No she just shrugs it off again and again. "im not going to die, i promise."
yeah ok.

Then when it happens were supposed to feel sorry for her. listen up next time you moron. the only reason i watched attack of the clones after reading and burning the book was to see her awesome abs.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 6, 2005 08:25 PM

Hey does anybody think that adding the wampa in empire kind of takes away all the suspense from the scene?

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 7, 2005 07:52 PM

"An old read, but a good one - especially about how Lucas turned the Jedis into something loathsome when the 2nd trilogy started...
http://www.salon.com/ent/movies/feature/1999/06/15/brin_main/print.html"

Oh my god. what a loser. i dont care if you agree with him john, this guy is pathetic. i dont care that that post was months ago either i have to speak up. i read alot of sci fi and have never heard his name.

First of all to clear up a few things on his article. god i just wish i could post on that guys site!

1. nobody should forgive anakin for his crimes just because he saved a life.

2. his crimes were never justified, nobody is forcing forgiveness down our throats those who pity vader are idiots, we all make our own choices and we should be the only ones to reflect and feel sorrow.

3. vader did this to redeem himself in a small way, he would never be free of his sins. do you think he went straight to the lightside? fuck its obvious that anakin went to face a trial afterwards. he probably got to feel the pain he caused over the twenty years so he could truly understand what he had done and be sorry. and hello! hes a character! this guy keeps comparing star wars to the nazi movement. one is real life and the other is not buddy.

4. fear to anger to hate to suffering. Lucas hit this bang on. but youve got to remember this is science fiction. just because you hated hitler does not mean you would join the nazis. but for fuck sake you would hate the man so bad youd do anything to try to hurt him for the wrong reasons. thats what dark jedi do. they try to destroy the sith for the wrong reason and they become no better than the monster themselves.

If you want a BETTER example think of this. one of your children is murdered. the killer walks out of court a free man. You fear him, you hate him, you want to make him suffer, and after losing something so precious to you wouldnt you feel it worth the risk of your soul to kill him in return. an eye for any eye. OF COURSE KEEP IN MIND THIS ONE THING:

When the CHARACTERS not real people, aka jedi face such a loss of freedom, of friends of family, they hate, and no training will stop that. and it is those who cant expell the hate and sorrow until the right time to mourn and hate are the jedi who go off on a tangent with a blinded judgement and seek revenge.

then there are jedi who repress the hate and bury it deep down. aka anakin aka nutcases who explode later. anakin buried all his feelings deep down which ironically is one of the jedis most common teachings. then he suffer loss after loss and never truly grieves. then he begins to fear another loss. the most important loss, the only one that may as well leave him dead cause hed have nothing to live for.

NO OFFENSE BUT IF IT WAS MY WIFE I WOULDNT FUCKING HESITATE A SECOND. Especially if she was all i had left. I would ask palpatine where to sign and build a red lightsaber. BUT HE WOULD HAVE TO COME UP WITH A BETTER PLAN THAN: KILL YOUR FRIENDS EVEN THE KIDS = SOME POWER TO SAVE YOUR WIFE. HOPEFULLY. WELL WE SHALL SEE AFTER. OKAY?

NO, HED HAVE TO HAVE SOME CONCRETE PROOF AND A BETTER PLAN TO MAKE IT WORK.

5. why would anakin yoda and obiwan burn for all eternity? what lies did they tell. it was all truths to protect luke from a burden and pressure.

Mike

Posted by: mike | December 7, 2005 09:27 PM

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/908969/1/

not a bad fan fic. just bloody long and it pretty much ruins the plot with time travel. but it tells the story a different way and it all ends the same way. its well written.

Palpatine is fucking scary in this story.

Posted by: mike | December 9, 2005 06:30 PM

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