« Not funny God | Main | Documentation »

If the title of this article, or its content pisses you off, good, you needed help anyway.

Really.

So, there are a lot of really annoying Mac users out there. No, I'm not kidding. While most Mac users are really a good bunch of folks who happen to use Apple Computers, there are…a sizable bunch that just make me want to go back to a 5250 terminal on my AS/400. (Yes, I own an AS/400. Yes, it works. Yes, it DOES make your little *nix box look like a toy. Accept it. UR!E)

Now, not all Mac users are MacMacs. I suppose, that since I'm using a term I created, I should define it:

MacMac: n. Someone who really can't talk about anything else. After a while, all you hear from them is a vaguely penguin-ish droning…“MAAAACmacmacmacmacmacmacMACMACMAAAAACmacmacmac”. Also prone to disturbing dreams about Steve Jobs and a grab tool.

They're annoying as hell, because like any fanatic, you can't talk to them about anything non-Mac related. Unfortunately, they can't really talk that intelligently about Macs either. Face it, being a fanatic, and intelligent conversation are mutually exclusive things.

But how do you know if you're a Macmac? We need a guide, right? Well, I have one, that's my job, I'm here to help. So, with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:

• If you insist that using Virtual PC on a Mac for 8 hours a day is better than using a PC, you're a MacMac.
• If you honestly got upset that Apple stopped using the rainbow logo, you're a MacMac
• If you have hacked your system for the sole purpose of making sure your boot icon is a smiley Mac, you're a MacMac
• If you think that Mac OS 9 was the ultimate achivement in UI technology, you're a MacMac
• If you think that Aqua is the ultimate achievement in UI technology, you're a MacMac
• If you have any Apple tatoos, piercings, scars, or have permanently modified your body to display an Apple logo of any kind, you're a MacMac.
• If you have ever threatened to quit your job solely because you won't give up your Mac, you're a MacMac. and an idiot.
• If you have ever tried to use any of the iLife applications to convince an IT - type that you should get a Mac for work use, you're a MacMac.
• If honestly think that a Mac is a better (anything) than (everything else) in (all situations), you're a MacMac.
• If you have ever asked for an autograph from someone solely because they were a ‘name’ in the Mac community, you're a MacMac. (Disclaimer: this happened to me once, and my first reaction was, “Don't you realize who I'm not?”. I think he must have realized he was freaking me out, because he explained that he was having all the speakers for his Macworld sessions sign this swag - shirt. No one at Macworld is that cool. Really. Well, maybe Sinbad.)
• If you spend the money to go on a cruise to Hawaii, and you spend the entire cruise on your Mac, talking about them, etc., you're a MacMac. and an idiot
• If you spend the money to go on a cruise to Hawaii, and you even bring a computer, any computer, you're sad…really.
• If you wouldn't date someone because they use a PC, you're a MacMac. and probably lonely
• One Apple sticker on your car, cute. More than one? MacMac

I know there are more examples, but I'm tired, and I need to do stuff in the big blue room under the Day Ball. But really, comments are turned on, give me more examples of being a MacMac. It could be a book one day. (Note: I really don't care about profanity, as much as I dislike people who can't use it right. If you are going to use profanity, do it properly, please. If you aren't sure how to do that, then don't. Save yourself the embarassment.)

I will make one futile attempt to point something out. There is nothing wrong with liking your Mac. I like mine. Both of them. For whatever reason, I have yet to find a tool that works with me the way a Mac does. And I bet I've used more computers than you have.

or you.

Mac OS X is a better fit than Mac OS 9 ever was, and it made it more useful. I also enjoy going to Macworld Expo, and speaking there, (Let us all face California and bow to Paul Kent, who has helped make the Macworld Expo Conferences what they are today, and ran the Mactivity conferences for years. Paul kicks ass on a daily basis, and deserves far more credit than he gets. Paul is also one of the best guitar players I've ever heard, so if you can, go see his band.)

True, I am an attention whore, and asking me to speak in front of a room full of people is really feeding the addiction. But I've met some really amazing people, good friends, people who have, quite literally, changed my life for the better, and only met them because of Macworld Expo and this computer. (Yes, that fact does blow my mind on a regular basis. What if I never went to Macworld Expo? Well, I'd have other friends, but not these. That would suck.)

But that's not unique to the Mac. It's a function of any group of people who happen to share a common interest. People who SCUBA dive, fly planes, run marathons, do martial arts, etc., they ALL have made friends, and in some cases, marriages because of those common interests. It's not like Apple pioneered the common interest.

Remember, it's just a computer. A bit of plastic and metal that does math very fast. It's not anyone's life, even if you do make a living with one. There are far more things to life than the Internet and your computer, even if it is a Mac.

Don't lose sight of that.

Now go play outside, you're getting all sickly.

john

Comments